My Family!!

My Family!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

LAZY Baby Getting Evicted!!

I had another Non-Stress Test (NST) today. I have them every Monday and Thursday from now on. It is a lot of trips to the doctors, but I love every minute of sitting in the recliner listening to my baby girl's heart beat.

Today she was lazy...AGAIN! Once again her heart rate was hanging out in the 130s and it looked like a solid flat line across the monitor strip. She also have VERY FEW fetal movement marks. I think in 20 minutes there were MAYBE 4 tick marks. Once again, the "mean nurse" (she really isn't mean, but if this continues, Ava will begin to think she is) used the noise maker on my belly, making my poor little girl jump and her heart rate accelerate. She HATES that, cause once you wake her up, she throws a FIT! She went on to pass the test and we waited for the doctor.

I have not seen him in 2 weeks. He has been on vacation and I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the other doctors. However, I had not gotten the chance to tell Dr. C that I wanted to forgo the amnio and just deliver at 36 weeks. Plus, we had not set an OFFICIAL day. Of course, I could predict it would be around the 20th (my 36 week mark) but no guarantee he would be available. Since I have a few family members who are teachers, and Foster needs to put in request for official leave, I needed to nail down a date with Dr. C.

Turns out he would not be available the 20th. In fact, he is going to be in Florida. "Would you be willing to wait until Monday?" he asked. I am positive the look on my face said it all, "I take that as a no. It would be 36weeks 4days."

"Dr. C! You know from 34 weeks, 5days to 36 weeks is going to be hard enough. making me hold out 4 more days would be TORTURE!!!" I exclaimed. 1 week and 2 days of feeling like I am pressing my luck will be hard. I will officially be the most pregnant I have ever been, and I am not sure how I will handle those 9 days. If I wasn't pregnant, I would say I would be drinking LOTS of alcoholic beverages and sleep through those 9 days, but since I can't, I guess lots of family time and photo shoots are in order.

"Ok, ok. Well, I can check my partner's schedule and let you know what he has available. Which day did you want?"

"If you don't mind, I would like October 20th. It will officially be Rosalynn's 18 month Angelversary. We can celebrate her angelversary with the birth of her rainbow sister," I said with tears welling up in my eyes.

"I think that can be arranged." No questions, no trying to convince me to give her more time baking, just pure understanding. I think when he told me the story of his grandmother losing a baby to stillbirth, he really takes cases like mine to heart. I was SURE he would be one of those doctors that talk in the beginning of early deliveries but once the date approached, he would either flat out refuse to do it, or try to convince me otherwise. I AM extremely bummed that he will not get the opportunity to take part in the end moment...the emotional, happy moment of bringing this rainbow into the world, but I am sure he will get to see her either in the hospital when he gets back on the 24th OR at my first post-partum appointment. I have already been threatened with bodily harm by more than one of the nurses if I don't bring miss Ava in with me to my post-partum appointments.

I wanted to get up and kiss this man!

So it is official. 3 weeks from today, October 20th on Rosalynn's 18 month angelversary, Foster, myself, MANY family members, friends and all of you praying for us will be welcoming little miss Avaleen Rose Foster into the world.

Keep the prayers coming. 3 weeks from today I will be able to  breathe (hopefully) for the first time in 36 weeks.

**Oh, by the way, I think I found a way to make this little girl move for her NSTs. I have been playing Rosie's music (playing at the bottom of this blog) right up near my belly all evening, and Ava LOVES it!! She has been moving the whole time. Note to self....bring music to the NSTs:-)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Glimpse Into the Past

With as busy as I have been between work, getting ready for baby, and my photo shoots, I have been slacking in blogs other than those pertaining to the pregnancy. I promise, I have a LOT more going on then just sitting around for Ava to arrive.

Take this weekend for example. It was jam packed full of excitement.

Foster has officially volunteered me to help take over his unit's family readiness group (FRG) leader position. I guess he figured since I will be a stay at home mom, I will have time to do this. So, as part of my new "job" I have to attend a few conferences to teach me how to do my new job. Our first conference was on Saturday, and although informative, it was BORING!!! Luckily I had a lot to look forward to that night.

My mom's 60th birthday was September 10th. We did a small get together with family to watch football, eat good food and then took her to watch "The Help". It was a really nice day. However, her old high school buddies had a much bigger event planned for her this weekend.

I was a part of this plan. The girls would be using my house as a base camp, bed and breakfast, local bar. They started out heading to some wineries around town. Then they would meet us at my house, have a few drinks, and then head out to the dueling piano bar down town. Well, you know what they say, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry".

I felt like I was in a time warp, getting a glimpse of my mother and her friends as if they were high schoolers again. They even chanted a few renditions of "We are classy, We are fine, We're the class of '69!"

We all hopped in the car to head to the piano bar, and after making it down town, we never actually made it to the bar. Just like in high school, it seems the ladies still drank as if they were in high school. One of them got sick on the way to the bar. She was down for the count. She insisted on us leaving her in the car so she could sleep, but none of us felt comfortable with that plan, because who knows what could happen to her in the big city. So we all piled back in the car and headed back to my house.

We ordered pizza, the ladies drank a few more beers, and my mom's aforementioned friend slept off her drunken state.

Sunday morning, Foster and I woke up to head to church, but before heading out, I made a fruit salad and Cinnamon rolls to tide che ladies over till we got back and I was able to make my homemade quiche for brunch.

We came back from church, hung out on the patio, ate quiche and fruit salad, and enjoyed each other's company for a couple more hours. Then after all the ladies left, I headed out for not one, but TWO photo shoots.

So just a glimpse at my last weekend, you can see how BUSY I have been. It has helped me keep my mind of the stress of this pregnancy, and has really helped with my anxiety. However, now you all know why I have been so bad about writing about things OTHER than the pregnancy.

What did you do to keep busy last weekend?

Monday, September 26, 2011

32 Weeks (a little late)

I really didn't mean to skip posting for week 32, the time has just gotten away from me!

Today I am 32w4d and a little over three weeks away from my c-section. According to my dreams, I think I am getting a little anxious about not being entirely prepared for this child. Last night I had a dream my water broke, and Foster and I scrambled around trying to get our hospital bag together. I have not packed a thing!

Today, during my nap before work, I had a dream that I had twins, got home, and had NOTHING. I was breastfeeding in the tub for some reason, and the baby girl was a whole month older than the baby boy. Very strange! I don't need a dream analyst to know that my subconscious is worried about my unpreparedness.

I have upped my appointments to twice a week. We now have Non stress tests (NST) on Mondays and Thursdays. Last Thursday, at my 32 week appointment, I also had a growth ultra sound. Avaleen is weighing in at a whopping 4lbs6oz. EXACTLY on track for her gestational age. The funny part was that she was measuring in at 33 weeks because of her legs. That's right, she is a LONG baby! She is measuring in the 50% in every other category, but 87% for length. I am going to have one long and lean baby girl. Of course, my nickname as a little girl was "long and Lean Erin Kathleen".  She was moving her mouth (no surprise there with me being her mother) and moving her eyebrows, and she has HAIR!!!

She has been passing her NSTs with flying colors. Until today. She still passed, don't worry, but she was being LAZY!! I think we caught her in the middle of a nap. Her heart rate looked like a solid flat line, staying consistently in the 130s, and she only had a few ticks on the fetal movement. They like to see so many accelerations in 30 mins, and so many movements. It was a rainy day, and I don't blame her for wanting to sleep. So the nurse reached into a drawer and pulled out what looked like a little massager. She put it on my belly and it vibrated and made this loud, goofy noise. I was NOT expecting it, since they have never had to use it before on me, and I jumped, and so did Ava. She was MAD!! She is like her dad, and does NOT like to woken up! She kicked, and punched, and her heart rate went up the way they wanted to, but I could tell she was not happy. I will just have to make it clear to her when she gets out that it was NOT me who did that;-)

The anxiety is still here. Following me around like a black cloud. I wish this was easier, but such is the life of pregnancy after loss. I will be going off of work @ 34 weeks. I know the delivery is not until 36 weeks, but I need that time to myself to prepare, grieve, worry, and spend time staying busy. Maybe I can work a few more photo shoots in.

My doctor is very aware of my heightened anxiety, and has extended the invitation to stop in as many times as I need between now and the delivery. He says he would rather put my mind at ease then have me worrying at home. God love him!

Foster and I HAVE made progress on the nursery. I have hung shelves....well, I watched Foster hang shelves, folded and put away some of her clothes, hung the clothes that needed to be hung, and even hung a cute set of hooks on the wall that will hold a pony bridle, cowboy hat, bolo tie and dinner bell....just wait, it is adorable! I WILL post pictures as soon as the rest is done.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"Life's Not Fair"~ Foster

As you can imagine, or at least my BLM moms who have carried a rainbow can imagine, my anxiety is starting to creep up. I have moments where it consumes me.

This morning as I was driving home from work, I started crying. My car rides home from work are usually my time to reflect, and often cry. Tears were streaming down my eyes out of anger this time. I was angry at the fact that Foster and I even have to be in a situation of such anxiety and stress.

I am in a strange place in regards to the other pregnant women around me. I feel a complete disconnect from those that are naively awaiting their little ones, those that will never know the reality of a dead baby. I am jealous.

As my pregnant friends are trying to decide how many onsies and diapers and which things to put on their registries, I am keeping all my purchases in a corner with the receipts...."just in case". The only items I have washed and put away are the ones that are non-returnable or were previously washed or purchased before Rosie passed.

They are getting anxious about the new addition to their family. They are wondering how they will juggle this little bundle of joy along with work, their other kids, finances, and how they will deal with the lack of sleep. I am just praying every night that I get to bring this child home, that I will get the opportunity to experience the sleepless nights.

Their biggest concerns right now is what type of delivery they will have, if they will go natural or have the dreaded c-section. I am just praying we make it to my c-section date!

As they are stressing over decor for the nursery, I am TRYING to get my nursery together, but at the same time, have the plot at the cemetery picked out in the event Ava will be sleeping there instead. I am hoping that my aunt, uncle and mom would agree to let her lay with my grandfather next to my grandmother so that she is next to Rosalynn. I know...I KNOW....morbid. But these are the thoughts of a Babyloss mom.

So as I drove home listening to "She Just thinks We're Fishin", I started pleading with God that Foster gets the chance to do these sorts of things with Ava. He confided in me the other morning that he is "Already falling in love with her." I don't want to let him down! I don't want to disappoint him again.

I am aware that Rosie's passing was not my fault, but it was my responsibility to keep her safe, my body's JOB to nourish and protect her, and it failed....I failed.

Realistically and statistically, I KNOW the odds of this happening again are soooooo slim, but it can DOES happen. As I sit here, Avaleen is kicking away, as if to tell me that everything will be alright; truth be told, I, along with a lot of you, have a great feeling about this little one. (And now I want to erase that sentence for fear I just jinxed myself). However, it angers me about how unfair it is that these thoughts have to even run through my head, that I even have to stress over losing another child. But as Foster said before kissing me goodbye this morning, "Life isn't fair, honey."

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Baby Steps

Remember the HUGE list of things I listed that still needed to be done 4 weeks ago? If no, you can review it HERE. Well, I finally started sticking my neck out there. With approximately 33 days left, and 25 days away from the milestone where we lost my Rosalynn, I made some BIG steps this past few days.

Today I purchased my first items that are non-returnable from a second hand mom sale. I got some GREAT deals and spent about 1/10th of the amount I would have buying full price at any of the baby stores. Last night Foster assembled the baby stroller we got at Rosie's baby shower. I think what helped me through this anxiety filled project, is it was absolutely hilarious to watch him. He finally broke down and started using the directions. Currently I am doing the one chore/preparation I have been DREADING.

I am at this moment washing all of the non-returnable clothes and the clothes from Rosie that I had already washed but have been sitting in storage for a year and a half. Why is this so hard? It was the last preparation I was doing before Foster and I headed to the hospital and found out she had passed. It is the ULTIMATE obstacle to overcome. So I decided to "rip off the band aid". I decided if I was going to do this, NOW is the time to. Ava has been such a good sport. She has been kicking and flipping and moving the whole time. I remember doing Rosie's laundry and feeling as if something was already wrong. That I was doing the chore for no reason. Today I have a little more hope, a little better feeling around the whole situation. I just pray and hope that this time around my beautiful baby girl gets to wear her clothes, and be wrapped in her blankets.

I have ALOT more to do, but I am starting with baby steps. Just as Ava will be making tentative steps, holding onto the furniture for stability in about a year, I am slowly taking steps in the right direction in preparation for her homecoming, and I am holding onto Foster and all of your support for the stability to make it through this last 33 days.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

31 weeks...5 weeks to go!!!

WOW!! It has been a WHILE since I last wrote. I think part of the problem is because I have fallen into the anxiety phase of a rainbow pregnancy. We are approaching 34weeks and 5 days VERY quickly, and my mood and actions are starting to reflect it. I have become a recluse. I don't want to talk on the phone, I don't feel like hanging out with anyone, but at the same time I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible.

I had my 31 week appointment today including a Non Stress Test (NST). Avaleen passed with flying colors. There was a short 1-2 second period where her heart rate dropped to the 80-90 range. Of course this concerned me, but the doctor said that is completely normal, it is when it happens multiple times in the 30 minutes where they become concerned. Her heart was a steady, strong 140 or above the rest of the time, and she was soooooo active.

Dr. C surprised me today. I am really starting to love this man. I know that we started off on shaky ground, but he is showing his good side...his understanding and compassionate side lately. We started talking about the delivery. This is what he said, "I want to let you know that this isn't going to  be easy. Emotionally I mean. You are going to be soooo happy when Ava makes it here crying and alive, but then you are going to start grieving Rosalynn all over again. It is a VERY emotional situation...the birth after a late term loss." Then he looked at Foster and said, "The best thing for you to do is just be supportive, because it may not make sense to you why one minute she will be crying out of happiness and joy and the next out of guilt and resentment for not having this with your first daughter."

Amazing....this man is amazing. He gets it. He understands the emotions that I am and will be feeling. God love him!

We talked amnio. He asked me if I even wanted it, because he was willing to just take her at 36 weeks. I told him I would like one at 35. He said there is a 50/50 chance of her being ready at 35 weeks and as long as I was ready to walk away and go home for one week if the test came back that she wasn't ready, then he was more than willing to do it. I said I was, that I was already mentally preparing myself to go home for a week, but if she IS ready at 35 weeks, GREAT!! If not, no later than 36, he won't even repeat the test, just go in and take her. That means that it is official!! In no more than 5 weeks our little girl will be coming into the world!! 5 weeks...35 days! I honestly think she is destined to come on the 20th of will be her sister's 18 month angelversary.

Your prayers are working! Please keep them coming for at least 5 more weeks. I thank every single one of you for the love and support that you have shown us over the past ALMOST 18 months. It has been a God send. I don't know how I would have survived the pain of losing Rosalynn and now the anxiety of carrying my rainbow without you.

31 week pictures: 

People have said I don't look 31 weeks...the heck I don't!! lol...but my butt IS getting smaller!! Go me! lol

My baby Avaleen...i don't think my aunt knew how true this shirt would be when she bought it for me during my last pregnancy. Ava truly will be a little Irish miracle!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I think I need a Valium...or maybe a drink!!!

I don't know what snapped in me today. not sure if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or if I can blame the pregnancy hormones, or if it is stress and anxiety coming out in the form of rage, but I feel like I want to punch someone or something. No one in particular. I am not mad at my husband, or family, or one particular friend or another, I am just annoyed at EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

I was sitting at my desk at work, and even the sound of some of the nurses voices were grinding on my last nerve. One of my favorite doctors called me "Red" which has never bothered me, but I almost bit his head off and said "I have a name"...I didn't say this, but I REALLY wanted to.

My mom called to find out if everything was ok after my post last night, and I thought I was going to bite her head off. She asked me if everything was "okay".

For the record, I keep this blog so I DON'T have to call everyone every time something happens. I didn't want to worry my family, friends, or in laws so we didn't call ANYONE from the hospital. They were all pretty upset when they found out about it through my blog...but everything was fine in the end, so I didn't think it was necessary to call everyone and tell them what happened Sunday....guess I learned my lesson. (Most of you may be thinking the lesson I learned was to call my family first....well, the lesson is don't post it on the mom, I will call next time I promise. Hopefully there isn't a next time).

Then I called my sister at her job, and pretty much picked a fight with her. You see, my mom's 60th birthday is on Saturday....oh, I mean her 30th! I was under the assumption that everyone would just make sure they were around for the monumental event. I made sure my day was clear. I made sure not to make any appointments with people for photo shoots...which by the way is REALLY hard since I have limited number of days left to shoot before Ava makes her entrance. I told Foster not to make any plans because we had to do something special with only turn 60 once. Well, Bug has a wedding she is attending on Saturday. The girl has gone to more weddings this summer than I have attended my whole life. My argument point was that she COULD HAVE SAID NO. You don't have to feel obligated to go to every event you are invited to. Sure, the girl is a good friend, but this is your MOTHER's birthday! She started to defend herself and then told me she couldn't argue she was at work.

Why Not?!?! I was at work too! Okay, then again, probably NOT the best time to start an argument...I apologized, told her I knew I was being a total B**** and told her I loved her and would talk to her later.

Then Mr. JJ texted me to find out what we were doing on Saturday for my mom's b-day. I explained and he responded, "I will have to call her to wish her a happy birthday. The Buckeyes are playing".

REALLY...REALLY?!?!? The Buckeyes play EVERY SATURDAY during the fall....minus by-week...AND they aren't even that good this year!! PLUS....we are playing Toledo. It is going to be a blow out. I was yelling at him via text. At the same time I was telling him I was pissed at everything and not to take it personally, but was he really putting a stupid game ahead of my mom's birthday? It isn't every day a woman turns 30 for the 30th time!

I am sure if Foster is reading this, he is thrilled that I was at work and not at home where he would get into the path of my wrath. But don't think for one second he got off scott free.

He was supposed to run the half-marathon in Columbus in October. It was going to be around the time that Ava is born, but I wasn't too upset about that because it would only be a few hours out of the morning. Well, when he found out it was going to cost $55 as opposed to being free for the National Guard members like it has been every year in the past, he decided he didn't want to do it. Instead he asked me if it was okay if he ran the "Tough Mudder" in November. I naturally asked where it was. It is in Indiana!!! explain to me how forgoing the half marathon that costs $55 justifies spending not only the money to enter, but the money to GET TO INDIANA to run a race. Which of course will take him away from Ava and I for not just a few hours in the morning, but most likely for at least a day or two. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?!?!?

I may be completely overreacting in ALL of these situations, but in my current state I feel completely justified in my feelings. I have tried to calm myself down, but I feel as if there is a little monster deep inside of me wanting to break loose!! For the first time this pregnancy I feel like I have NO control over my emotions. I hope it passes, because I am usually such a pleasant pregnant lady. Not today! Meet Preggo Bitch!

Pray that when I wake up later today, that the monster has ran away and the nice, happy preggo is back in her place.

Monday, September 5, 2011

First Trip For a Crazy Momma to L&D

First I will start this post by saying EVERYTHING IS GREAT...just so my Mom and MIL don't have a heart attack when they read this.

Saturday was a BUSY day. Foster and I finally got motivated to clean the house. We cleaned from top to bottom which had not been done in at least 3 weeks. You know when stuff builds up and builds up and then it leaves you so overwhelmed yo don't know where to you just don't? That is how I had been feeling about the house lately, so it was getting neglected. Plus, with our trip and how busy we have been, there has been no time.

3 hours we cleaned. It was exhausting, but sooo fulfilling to walk through a CLEAN house for at least 24 hours.

After the cleaning binge, we attended our annual neighborhood block party. The temperature index was over 100 degrees, but we still had a lot of fun. There were water balloon tossing contests, face painting, food, and even the local fire department showed up to hang show off the engine to the kids.

I guess all three of us had too much fun. Foster and I woke up Sunday lethargic and sluggish. We got ready for church and headed out. I noticed about 5 minutes into mass that I had not felt Ava move since I woke up around 7am to pee and started to get a little nervous. I figured, no big deal, I would just pay close attention during mass, because she usually perked up and kicked while I was singing.

No such luck. She was quiet. My anxiety started to increase. Foster and I were going to head to our Sunday brunch spot, but he wanted to stop off at home to put some items in the garage since it looked like the sky was going to open up at any moment and dump rain on us. I decided to take the opportunity to use my Doppler to put my mind at ease. As soon as I placed the probe on my stomach, I heard her heartbeat good and strong at a 140 beats per minute. All of the sudden it dropped. It was still there, and distinctly hers, but it slowed down to a point that my doppler was reading 40-60. It was NOT mine, mine was in the 90-100s because I was so anxious. I waited for it to go back up, searched for a faster heart beat with no avail.

I called my doctor. I felt so bad calling on a Sunday. As soon as I explained the situation, he mentioned that the movement was more of a concern for him than the doppler, and the decrease in movement was enough for me to go in and get a Non Stress Test. He said not to worry, because it could be a small malfunctioning in the doppler, and not to panic, but to make my way into L&D.

Foster and I headed to the hospital.

As we were driving, I felt a SLIGHT flutter, so my mind was put slightly at ease knowing that at least if something was wrong, she was still alive, and they could do something about it. However, a feeling of deja vu started to play over in my head. The most ridiculous thought crossed my mind, "If the desk lady tries to hand me the pediatrician list, I may lose it." You see, when we went in for Rosalynn, the sign in lady asked us if we had picked a pediatrician. We said no, and she handed us the list. I have purposefully avoiding looking at that list again for fear of planning too much and jinxing us.

We signed in, and of course the lady asked the question, "Do you have a pediatrician?" and started handing me the list.

"NO...TAKE IT BACK!" I snapped at her, "I don't want to see that list!"

Foster calmly told the lady we would pick a pediatrician when we felt it was necessary. Poor woman looked so confused, and I was on the verge of tears. I truly felt bad for her, but sometimes the weirdest things trigger babyloss parents, and for some reason that list did it to me.

She walked us back to the room, and I had to ask Foster if it was "the room" before I entered. He shook his head and pointed two doors down. "Thank God," I muttered as I headed in.

It seemed to take FOREVER for the nurse to come in, and I was dreading the search for Ava's heartbeat. Luckily, she found it right away. It was her nice, usual, STRONG 140. I breathed a sigh and thanked her profusely.

Now, I have one question....WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MY HISTORY EVERY TIME I GO TO THIS HOSPITAL?!?!? They enter all the information into the computer, you would THINK it would pop up when they pull up my info. BUT NOOOOOO...after finding Ava, we had to go through my entire history again. It is painstaking, and heartbreaking. I have gotten so used to talking about it, I almost feel like I sound cold and medical when I recount everything that happened. Almost as if I turn the medic mind on and the mommy mind off.

We sat and listened to our daughter's heartbeat for almost an hour. She was really still for the first 20-30 minutes, and then all of the sudden started dancing away. It was as if she just wanted to sleep in until 1:30 PM, and then she just woke up as if nothing was wrong. What a punk!

There were only a few normal decelerations in her heartbeat around 120, but that is still fine, and the doctor was pleased with everything. He also did a quick u/s to check my fluid levels, and they looked great too. The doctors and nurses were sooooo understanding. Not a single one made me feel crazy, and they even expressed to me that if I EVER had a concern to feel free to come in and see them or call them. They all said they would have done the same in my situation.

Foster was great. I felt guilty for unnecessarily worrying him. He never expressed his anxiety, but I knew it was there, because the second the heartbeat was on that monitor, he relaxed....and fell asleep to the thumping of his daughter's heartbeat. He woke up and said, "WOW! That was a great nap!".

I looked at the clock and laughed, "Honey, you were only asleep for 8 minutes!"

I guess the 8 minute nap is all he needed to feel refreshed. However, after all was cleared and we were waiting for discharge papers, time started to drag. He started to get antsy and agitated. He was hungry and tired. I just had to keep reminding him that although it was taking a while, at least we were not planning a surgery and 4 day stay because our daughter was gone.

Although it was scary, and triggered some STRONG memories and emotions, I am glad it happened now. Instead of all bad memories of that place, I am starting to build good memories. When I go in to deliver Ava, hopefully all the anxiety associated with L&D is gone, and we can just focus on the future without our last experience hanging over our head.

Personally, I think 29w3d is GREAT for my first freak out session....hopefully it will be the last, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is not;-)

Friday, September 2, 2011

"Have you grabbed your wife's boobs today?"

The controversy is all over facebook. What controversy do you ask? Raising "awareness" for breast cancer by announcing how many weeks you are pregnant and what you are craving by a made up calculation based on your birth date. What seems like a "harmless" game, is breaking the hearts of thousands of women.

Why is it breaking hearts? Well, apparently whoever decided that this would be the "fun", "creative" way of raising awareness didn't take into consideration that not only is October Breast Cancer Awareness month, but in 1988 President Reagan designated it National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month as well. This said person has obviously never suffered from infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss because if she had, she would know that one of the hardest things to encounter when you are suffering through one of these devastating events is to see pregnancy announcements on facebook. It is like a punch in the gut. It reminds you of what you had, what you lost, and what you want more than anything in the world.

Over the past few days there have been hundreds, if not thousands of women announcing fake pregnancies to raise awareness for breast cancer. Does this make ANY sense to anyone? HOW may I ask does a pregnancy announcement raise awareness for BREAST CANCER? I think the bra color from last year was better, because at least it had something to do with the ta-tas. Even then, we weren't supposed to let the guys know what we were talking about? Why not? Who better to help with breast exams then our men? My doctor has even mentioned that my husband may be the first to realize there was something different about my ta-tas, because men are generally the first to notice changes in their wives boobs. So let them in on the awareness as well! Heck! How about we start an awareness campaign GEARED towards men: "Have you grabbed your wife's boobs today?" I would wear a t-shirt like that!

This kind of campaign would not only get everyone involved, make people take notice, but it wouldn't hurt so many women in the process. There is no point in a "game" that raises "awareness" if it hurts others in the process. Instead of announcing your pregnancy and craving, please do something more productive to get involved. Participate in a walk, help raise funds, dress up in all pink, but please, please, please do not take part in this ridiculous game.

29 Weeks

I am so sorry it has been over a week since my last update. If you remember, I was in the lovely state of Wisconsin, and I will tell you all about my amazing weekend, but since yesterday marked my 29 week mark, I will do the survey today.

Size of baby:

According to Babycenter, she should be about 2.5 lbs. Well, we all know from my last appointment, she was weighing in at a WHOPPING 2lbs10oz. SO I am guessing she is closer to 3lbs. She should be about 15 inches now.

Weight: I don't weigh myself every week, only when the doc weighs me. Last week I had only gained about 1lb, so up 13 this pregnancy....of course still have the 25 lbs from Rosalynn, but we won't count those this time:-)
Maternity clothes: seriously?!?! Have you seen my belly?!?!?

Sleep: Sleep has been going really well surprisingly. I slept great in Wisconsin in the hotel, and it has seemed to carry over back home too. I will take it! For we all know sleep will be hard to come by in a few weeks!

Best moment of the week: Yesterday I could officially say that I will, God willing, be bringing home a baby NEXT MONTH!!! How amazing does that sound?!?!?!

Movement: This is my favorite part about pregnancy! She is funny. Because she is Breech, her little head pops in and out from under my left rib. When I rub my belly, she will pop it out further...almost as if she likes having her head rubbed. I am afraid she is going to come out with a raspberry on her head from all the rubbing. At least I will know what makes her relax:-)

Symptoms: Gestational Diabetes that is staying under control with diet, sciatic nerve pain that I have gotten ALOT of relief from physical therapy. I also all of the sudden feel AMAZING lately. The past 2-3 weeks I have felt better than I ever have in either pregnancies. I am wondering if it is because of the diabetic diet. Keeping my sugars under control and losing a few pounds has made all the difference.

I did have a slight scare for about 1/2 a day. I took my sugar and it was reading lower than it usually does. The night of the formal dinner in Wisconsin and said "screw it" to my diet. I explained to Foster that if my sugar was a little high ONCE the entire pregnancy, and I explained to my doc why, I am sure he would not scold me too bad. So I enjoyed the ENTIRE meal to include mashed potatoes and three mini desserts. Now, it was probably a blessing that each mini dessert was literally 1-2 bites a piece. 2 hours after dinner I took out my meter and told Foster to guess what it would be. He said 140, I said 150. It was 106. I immediately freaked out. My sugars are never that good even when I steer clear of heavy carbs. The first thing that went through my head was that half the placenta was dead like with Rosalynn. The placenta is what causes your sugars to go up with GD because it makes a lot of sugar on it's own. I whipped out the doppler, and her HB sounded strange. It was steady at 150-160, but sounded far away. I think she either had her back turned to me or was sitting far back. This caused me enough worry that I lost sleep and told Foster that if my "test" the next morning proved I was no longer diabetic, I would call the doc first thing.

So I woke up and had the biggest Belgium waffle with REAL sugar syrup on it. Sure enough, 2 hours later my blood sugar was 160. I was ecstatic. I NEVER thought in a million years I would be excited about a high blood sugar. Foster thought it was quite humerus. However, this increase in BS proved to me that the placenta was full and the night before I guess was my get out of jail free card....and then I had to blow it with a waffle!

Food cravings/aversions: anything sweet....which I can't indulge in.
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)

Belly button in or out: Still in, however, it is flattening out, and I have a feeling it WILL pop this time around.
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!

What I miss: Nothing at the moment!
What I am looking forward to: My first non-stress test next week. I have never had one.
Weekly wisdom: Don't feel bad when you can't "keep up" with all the young, non-pregnant party goers. It is OK to turn in early, and if you are blessed like I am, you will have a husband who wants to turn in early with you.
Pic Week 29:

Mom and Dave says it looks like I REALLY popped all belly this week.

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