32 Weeks (a little late)

I really didn't mean to skip posting for week 32, the time has just gotten away from me!

Today I am 32w4d and a little over three weeks away from my c-section. According to my dreams, I think I am getting a little anxious about not being entirely prepared for this child. Last night I had a dream my water broke, and Foster and I scrambled around trying to get our hospital bag together. I have not packed a thing!

Today, during my nap before work, I had a dream that I had twins, got home, and had NOTHING. I was breastfeeding in the tub for some reason, and the baby girl was a whole month older than the baby boy. Very strange! I don't need a dream analyst to know that my subconscious is worried about my unpreparedness.

I have upped my appointments to twice a week. We now have Non stress tests (NST) on Mondays and Thursdays. Last Thursday, at my 32 week appointment, I also had a growth ultra sound. Avaleen is weighing in at a whopping 4lbs6oz. EXACTLY on track for her gestational age. The funny part was that she was measuring in at 33 weeks because of her legs. That's right, she is a LONG baby! She is measuring in the 50% in every other category, but 87% for length. I am going to have one long and lean baby girl. Of course, my nickname as a little girl was "long and Lean Erin Kathleen".  She was moving her mouth (no surprise there with me being her mother) and moving her eyebrows, and she has HAIR!!!

She has been passing her NSTs with flying colors. Until today. She still passed, don't worry, but she was being LAZY!! I think we caught her in the middle of a nap. Her heart rate looked like a solid flat line, staying consistently in the 130s, and she only had a few ticks on the fetal movement. They like to see so many accelerations in 30 mins, and so many movements. It was a rainy day, and I don't blame her for wanting to sleep. So the nurse reached into a drawer and pulled out what looked like a little massager. She put it on my belly and it vibrated and made this loud, goofy noise. I was NOT expecting it, since they have never had to use it before on me, and I jumped, and so did Ava. She was MAD!! She is like her dad, and does NOT like to woken up! She kicked, and punched, and her heart rate went up the way they wanted to, but I could tell she was not happy. I will just have to make it clear to her when she gets out that it was NOT me who did that;-)

The anxiety is still here. Following me around like a black cloud. I wish this was easier, but such is the life of pregnancy after loss. I will be going off of work @ 34 weeks. I know the delivery is not until 36 weeks, but I need that time to myself to prepare, grieve, worry, and spend time staying busy. Maybe I can work a few more photo shoots in.

My doctor is very aware of my heightened anxiety, and has extended the invitation to stop in as many times as I need between now and the delivery. He says he would rather put my mind at ease then have me worrying at home. God love him!

Foster and I HAVE made progress on the nursery. I have hung shelves....well, I watched Foster hang shelves, folded and put away some of her clothes, hung the clothes that needed to be hung, and even hung a cute set of hooks on the wall that will hold a pony bridle, cowboy hat, bolo tie and dinner bell....just wait, it is adorable! I WILL post pictures as soon as the rest is done.