My Family!!

My Family!!

Monday, November 30, 2015

It Wouldn't Be A Foster Pregnancy If it Was Normal- Here We Go Again Part II

So of COURSE it wouldn't be a Foster pregnancy if there weren't some bumps. 

Since we had had 2 early losses, my Dr. Wanted to keep an eye on the pregnancy as early as possible to give us a heads up of impending m/c or to ease our minds. With Ava we did the same thing. I had my first u/s at 6w4d and saw her tiny heartbeat. So when my doc wanted me to have my first u/s at 6w2d, I was hopeful to see SOMETHING. If no heartbeat yet, at least a fetal pole, yolk sac, something. Well, unfortunately, there was only a sac. No yolk, no fetal pole, no heartbeat. And I was only measuring 5w5d. 

We were a bit devastated. We had been down this road twice already. Empty sacs, and measuring behind. Both ended poorly. My doc wanted me to come back in 7 days to check if it was another loss, or if baby grew. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be in town in 7 days, and the first date we both had available was nov 17th, my birthday. 

My doctor was hesitant. She wanted to know if I really wanted to risk bad news on my birthday. I thought about it, and realized Nov 17th had been a lucky date. It was Ava's original due date. It was also the date we found out my sister was pregnant with baby Nora (I will do a separate post about my beautiful niece). So I figured let's do it. It would either be the best birthday gift ever, or a really bad day, and Foster could take me out for dinner and drinks after. 

Immediately after the appointment, I had to head out to South Carolina to celebrate a friend of mine as she got married to the man of her dreams. 8 hr drive I almost didn't do after the not so great news. I sat in the parking lot in the midst of an internal struggle with myself:

Not go, and crawl into my bed for the next 12 days. Surely Amber would understand if I didn't come. But then again she may be sad if I didn't show up. I tend to get anti social and want to hide when things get tough. I honestly think it is a habit I acquired after losing Rosie. I could escape reality into the safe place of my home, and not have to face life.

Or I could suck it up and go, see some old friends, make some new ones, get my mind off the situation, and hope to have fun. 

I sat in that parking lot for about 1.5 hrs. Until the clock ran down to the minute I HAD to leave in order to make the rehearsal dinner. 

I went. The ENTIRE 8 hours I prayed. I had the radio on Christian radio stations (thank you XM) and rotated between music and scripture. Praying, crying, singing, pleading, and even accepting His decision if this baby was not going to make it. It was cathartic and exactly what I needed. 

Thanks to a major traffic jam 20 mins from my destination, I was about 15 mins late for the rehearsal dinner, but ended up making it! The food was great, and the company was even better. If you remember me talking about my friend Laura in this post:

She was there, and it had been forever since we had seen each other. And of course in true Erin fashion I met a new friend, Crystal who is also a photographer and we hit if off. After chatting with her, it came out very early that Crystal has experienced a lot of loss as well, and we were able to connect. 

Overall the weekend was a success. It was a beautiful wedding, I got to geek out a little with my photographer friends, and it kept my mind off of the stress for 3 days. But something interesting happened the first night I was sleeping. 

I has a VIVID dream. We went to a u/s tech place that had better machine. They were able to zoom in really far, and there was a little peanut waving at me. As clear as day, a little voice said "I am ok mommy". I woke up from my dream with a sense of peace. Like it was the sign I had begged God for in the 8 hour trip. 

Sure enough, on Nov 17th, at 1:30 in the afternoon, my doctor started the u/s, and the first thing she saw was a heartbeat!!! It was the most amazing feeling!!! And to top it off, we were measuring exactly on track at 7w6d! It was indeed a VERY happy birthday!!!! 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and 
lean not on your own understanding;"
Proverbs 3:5

Here We Go Again!!! And A COOL Video!!PART 1

Wow!!! It has been a while!!! Life is life, it gets busy, especially while running 2 businesses, and raising a child.
Avaleen is doing amazing,

and I hope to be sharing LOTS of pictures and updates over the next 9 months. Why 9 months?!?!?!


After 3 years of trying, 2 miscarriages (one Christmas of 2013, and one this past June 2015), meds that did more harm then good, and lots of prayer, Baby Foster #5 is on his or her way.

I used to write on this blog almost daily, and my long time friends and family will be familiar with this blog, but for those of you who I have met over the past couple years while this blog stayed dormant, browse, start at the beginning if you want to see why this little slice of personal space was started. But I warn you, bring tissues. It is sad, happy, dark, difficult, but through it all, there is hope, faith, love, and rainbows.

For those who have followed for years, and missed my ramblings, I am glad to be back, and will be doing the same for this baby as I did for Ava. Using this space to keep track and document this all too scary ride called pregnancy.

Unfortunately, as a baby loss mother, I know too well that a positive pregnancy test does NOT equal a living, screaming baby. Rosie taught me this, but she also taught me to embrace every moment, and be grateful for the time I DO have. This little nugget is already loved, and will be loved for every moment of its life weather that is for 10 weeks, or 80 years!!

So, how far?
10 weeks this Wednesday. We found out we were pregnant on Rosalynn's half birthday (Oct 20th).

How am I feeling?

Like utter crap. Pregnancy is not glamorous. This time I have morning/all day nausea and sickness, exhaustion, and OH migraines. This is a new symptom I have never had with either of my girls. I think it is a way for God to laugh at me and force me to take it easy. I am at the tail end of busy season for my photography business, and the migraines have put me a bit behind. I cannot do anything when i have one, much less stare at a computer screen for hours, and while most think the life of a photographer is glamorous,  80% is spent in front of the computer.

BUT although I feel like crap, I will take it!! Because the last 2 pregnancies I had very little symptoms, and they dissipated quickly, and the pregnancies both ended before I ever got to see a heartbeat.

What is the plan?

With Ava I was strictly with High Risk/Maternal Fetal Medicine. This time we are going to keep them as consulting and stay with my regular OBGYN. But the plan so FAR is to still deliver around 35 weeks. We will see how that goes.

Well, this is a long post, and I could go on further, but I will leave you with this, our video short film pregnancy announcement!!! Starring miss Avaleen;-)

On our next update: first U/S pics, first gender prediction test,  and pictures of the soon to be big sister:-)

PS: waiting to get my old blog template back, so please disregard the temporary one:-)

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