Guest Blogger

I wanted to direct you all over to a fellow military wife's blog. Her husband is currently on R&R, and while they are enjoying time together, she asked me to make a contribution to her blog. As usual, I told a story that I have never shared on here, hoping all of you will visit her, and maybe even follow her (if you aren't already). So hop on over, and see how I communicated with Foster when my cell phone was taken away @ basic training and he was in Iraq! Click Here: A Blog A Day While You're Away

God Answers Prayers in AMAZING Ways!

I mentioned that I had 2 big events other than graduation to look forward to. The first is the military ball, and the next is the Women of Faith Conference here in my town! I am ecstatic. I received an email from my great friend and fellow blogger/baby loss mom, Holly (I have blogged about her here , here and here). She told me that her and the women from Sufficient Grace Ministries were going to be coming for the conference and they wanted to invite me along. I was quick to say I would go, even before I knew about the extra kicker. One of the main speakers at the conference is someone who unknowingly helped guide me through my grief like a beacon on a lighthouse. She is the wife of one of the band members of Selah, a Christian band, the author of "I will Carry You", and she blogs over at "Bring on the Rain". 

If you are a new follower since June, I wrote about how the song "I will Carry You" has moved me to tears many times here. It plays on my music list on the bottom of my blog (in case you want to listen to it). when I found out that Angie Smith would be at the conference, I didn't care about the price, I didn't care if I had to go by myself, I was going to be there. Well, Holly informed me that not only do I get to listen to her speak, but Angie has agreed to meet with the women from the Sufficient Grace group after the conference! Can you say crazy fan right here?!?!?!?! I honestly feel that God has answered one of my prayers. I wrote Angie an email months ago from her blog. I knew I wouldn't get a response because she has THOUSANDS of followers, and probably receives thousands of email a week, but I can't deny I was a little disappointed. I poured my heart out to her, expressing how her book helped me stay out of the dark place Baby Loss Moms can be so easily pulled into.  Her strength to carry her baby diagnosed with anacephaly and stay strong in the Lord prevented me from turning my back on God when I wanted to.

I feel like this is God's way of having her "reply" to my email! I get to meet her! I get to shake her hand, and possibly even get a hug....tears are welling in my eyes as I am writing this! I am sure there will be plenty of tears when this meeting takes place also. To top it off, this is all taking place in April. As you all know, April is going to be a rough month. However, I feel like Rosie is really trying to make it easier on me. The article in Military Spouse magazine will be published in the April edition, AND this conference will be in April. We are still not entirely sure what we will be doing for Rosalynn's angleversary, but I know I want to throw a little birthday party for close friends and family, probably over Easter weekend. A balloon release is probably in order, and a cake, but I am not sure what else I should do. To my fellow BLMs: What did you do special on your baby's day? I would LOVE some suggestions!

Honored Beyond Words

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers for my family and I while we mourn my AMAZING grandfather. The comments and love has meant so much to me, and I am blessed to have so many people, both in real life and online, in my life.

I am excited to announce that the article featuring me in Military Spouse Magazine will be in their APRIL addition! I have been receiving emails from the journalist for the past few weeks, and clarifying things for the final article. I am THRILLED that it will be in April. What a wonderful way to honor Rosalynn in the month of her 1 year birthday! I will be sure to post a link to the article (if it is posted online) or scan a copy of the article on here for you all to see in April.

Also, I have been asked by a fellow blogger to help in a little endeavor of hers. you see, she left this past weekend for Basic Combat Training. She is heading to Fort Jackson, where I went. She wanted me to assist in posting on her blog while she is gone. Her goal is to send letters to Jessica from the Misadventures of an Army Wife to post, and has asked me to expand on her experience and compare the differences between 2 years ago and now. I am so excited about this! I kept a journal while I was in BCT, and this will be a great online journal for Abbey to look back on years from now, and I am honored to help her. Make sure to check out her blog Trading Diamonds for Dog Tags and help encourage her in her journey. You may learn a little more about the Army, learn the "lingo" with all the acronyms, and maybe even hear a story of two you never knew about me:-)

Once again, I do apologize to all of my friends and loyal followers. I am sure you understand that my life has been a little hectic lately. I will be heading up this weekend to spend time with my family for my grandpa's funeral so I may be MIA for a bit. Plus, I have a TON of school work to finish.  I CANNOT WAIT until March when I graduate and life gets a little simpler! Speaking of graduation, I should probably get back to studying, so I don't fail my two midterms tomorrow!

Come On...I KNOW There are ALOT of You Out There

Yes, I do know there are a lot of you out there that regularly click on my link and read my story and don't leave comments. I know this for a fact, because with the new statistics tracking here on Blogger, it informs me that I have at least 150-200 visitors to my blog a day from here and facebook. Now, don't feel bad, I do this often. Heck, I follow over 100 blogs and honestly, do not have the time to read AND comment on every single one of them. However, today is the day to break that pattern! Today is International Delurking Day. So come out my stalkers wherever you are and reveal yourselves!

You don't have to leave your life story, just pop in and say "hi".I do have one favor. I have been having issues with topics to write about. I have been so busy with school and work,that my mind has been drawing blanks , so let me know if there is anything you would like to know about me that I have not already covered, or just give me a good prompt or topic to write about, especially if you are a new follower. Help me get my cerative juices flowing again!

Guest Blogger

Well, well, well. I have just been honored as a guest blogger on one of my fellow Army Wife's blogs. Follow her @ "ACU, Stiletto Shoes, And Pretty Pink Tutus" HERE.

It is an entry about the situations that have arisen being dual status and an officer and enlisted couple in the military. I am so excited about all the new wonderful followers I have been blessed with since the post.

Thank you Mrs. G.I. Joe!

Visit my entry Here: "An Officer and His Specialist".

Where do I Belong?

If you randomly stumbled onto my blog, you wouldn't know what it focused on. If you are a baby loss mommy, there are no pictures of Rosalynn to clue you in that she is the reason I started this blog, and unless you scrolled down and saw my link to Faces of Loss or the beautiful name projects from other BLMs, you would not know I had lost my daughter without reading my posts. If you are a military wife, you would have no indication that I am a part of this strong group of women because my page is not full of Army photos of Foster or me, or layouts with boots, camo, and dog tags on it. It feels like I am in high school all over again. I was a swimmer and also had friends outside of this group, and other than about 3 girls, I never felt like I completely fit into any particular click. Once again, I feel connected to both groups, but do not feel like I completely fit into either one. I didn't want to make my blog dedicated to only Rosie, because although she was the one who inspired this blog, she is not all that defines me. Right now it seems she consumes ninety percent of my thoughts, and influences ninety percent of my moods and actions, but this is not how it has always been and this is not how it will always be. I also wanted to leave the option open to continue to post on this blog if God blesses us with another pregnancy. This is still up for debate in my mind for a number of reasons, and if the time comes, I will be asking for opinions on what to do.

I do not post a lot about being a military wife at this time, because although we have gone through time apart with TDYs and deployments, Foster and I are blessed enough to not be faced with any real challenges with the military right now. However, I am going to talk about something tonight that may make this change in a couple years, and then this blog may take a HUGE turn. BEFORE I go into details a note to our friends in real life and family members (Moms and Dads, all sisters) PLEASE do not talk about this with us in real life unless we bring it up, because there are A LOT of factors that still need to go into play and things he and I need to talk about, so DO NOT PANIC!! Foster has a few years left with his current unit, but he has been introduced to a very specialized program that the Army offers that he would be great for. It is a Masters program that he can obtain a few different ways, and would give him a degree in either Nuclear Physics or Weapons of Mass Destruction. He would have a great opportunity to move up very quickly in ranks and possibly hold very important positions. It would also help his civilian career if he ever decided to get out of the Army. I am supper supportive of whatever path he decides to go with his career because he makes decisions on how he can improve himself and take better care of his family. As I mentioned before, Foster is currently active duty with the National Guard. The biggest PCS (Permanent Change of Station for those of you non-military) we have to worry about is getting stationed across the state, HOWEVER, IF he goes with this degree, he would go active duty in the regular Army.

This sends me into a few mixed emotions. Who wouldn't want to travel while they are still young and, currently, without any children? If he is active duty regular Army, this means we would be moved to a different state, and although the farthest we would probably go would be Maryland or DC, it is scary for me to think I may be that far away from my family and friends. I am nervous about the change and what the future could bring. Thankfully it is quite a while away, and we have plenty of time to figure things out, and he may even find a different endeavor to pursue, but these are the ideas and plans for the moment.

An update about Back in His Arms Again for my Baby loss moms. I am happy to say I had an amazing meeting with Kam, the founder. She wants me at the next board meeting which is supposed to be tomorrow, but I have not heard the definitive plan yet. I recently talked to a friend of mine who is about to take her boards to officially become a PsyD. (Doctorate in Psychology). She is amazing, and wants to donate her time and counseling services in her area. I am so proud to have friends like this. If any of my BLMs want to donate their time or services, feel free to contact me, and after the meeting, I will let you know how you too can help. (I know there are a few of you that do baskets and memory boxes that I would LOVE to have your help in providing the families that contact me with one of these beautiful, helpful gifts, and I may be contacting you in the future.) My last question is do ANY of you work for a cell phone company. I need some advice. I know companies are required to donate so much in charity. A HUGE portion of this business is on the phone, talking to the families, calling the funeral homes, calling the cemeteries, calling the hospitals, calling the counselors, etc. Kam, her hubby and I will be the main 3 that will be talking A LOT. Kam says she goes through a new phone every 3-5 months because she burns through the batteries and overheats the phones so quickly. As a way to alleviate some of the cost, I was inquiring if any cell phone company would donate a 3 line family care plan. We ARE a non profit, so we only have money coming in through fundraisers and our own pockets, so saving money on a cell phone plan would alleviate a HUGE cost. If any of you know HOW or WHERE or WHO I need to talk to, PLEASE let me know. I used to get free donations from stores and restaurants for Christmas parties, I am SURE I can get one plan donated for a non-profit organization. I have a few phone calls to make tomorrow.

On a final note, I am sooooooo excited for this weekend. Anne's wedding!!! I am very nervous about once again standing up and making a speech in front of a bunch of strangers. Say a little prayer for me that A) I can do Anne justice, and B) that I do not make a fool of myself.

Sorry, this blog is ALL over the place....proving my point from earlier.

OH....and check out, I posted a new My Bug's Life entry!! click here or on the side bar of my blog.

Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, New Friends and Old Friends

I had to take the time to make sure to post today because so far it has been a fun filled weekend, and I still have two days left.

Yesterday I had to go down south to pick up a bridesmaids dress for a wedding I am in in September. I had ordered one a couple weeks ago from a different store, but unfortunately they could not guarantee that it would be in on time. I started to get nervous, because they said it wold come in the week of the wedding. I have been trying to lose weight, and although it is coming off slowly, it is still coming off, and was afraid I would need to get the dressed altered for the ceremony. However, if the dress did not make it here till a couple days before, I would not have the time. So, I found a sample that was available for purchase and pickup immediately. I called the original store and canceled my order, and drove my happy butt down. It was a beautiful day for a drive. It was a perfect 76 degrees, the sun was shining bright, the clouds we a scattered through the brilliant blue sky, and it put me in a happy mood. I cranked up the radio and belted out along with the familiar lyrics. I assume people driving by thought I was crazy.

I reached my destination, saw the dress hanging behind the counter and tried it on. It fit perfect. I was thrilled. Until I looked down at the tag. Sure the dress was a little pricey, but the color said "Posie". I needed "American Beauty". I was hoping beyond hope that the company used some weird code for their color names, and I had not just driven two hours for nothing. Sure enough, when the shop attendant checked the swatches, the dress was NOT the color I needed. SO, I quickly logged onto Ebay and purchased a dress the bride had found as a back up in case this dress did not pan out. The Ebay dress is the right color, perfect size, and right fabric. She gave us choices on styles to pick, and although this is not one of the six original style, it is still a beautiful style, should compliment my figure nicely, and is approved by the bride.

Now, I know I sound like a irresponsible bridesmaid. I waited until the last minute to order my dress. Yes, I admit to it, I could have gone out a few weeks earlier and taken care of it. However, I got the email about our dresses 3 days before losing my daughter. Really, I went back and looked t my emails. I read the first email from the bride explaining the different styles and where we could order them on April 17th. Of course, after Rosie's passing, not only was I too sad to really do anything, I was so disgusted with my body to even want to try on clothes. The bride understands. She said if it was anyone else, she may be a little annoyed, but everything is taken care of, so it all worked out. AND the dress was half the price it would have cost me in the store, of course I lose my deposit on the original dress, but it was still cheaper in the end.

The trip to was not a total waste. When I first started blogging, I was really hesistant to start reading other people's blogs. I almost felt I was being a voyeur peaking in on other their lives and most intimate feelings. It was weird though, because I was putting it all out there too, so does that make me an exhibitionist also? When I finally started following other people, there was one in particular that I really enjoyed reading. She had inspired me, because although I thought my situation was bad, she carried her daughter KNOWING that she would not survive, and hoping that she may get a few minutes or, God willing, hours with her daughter and be able to hold her as she passed. I cannot imagine the strength it takes to choose to carry a baby knowing you would say goodbye. She is pregnant with her rainbow baby, and just a very inspiring individual. We got to talking through email, and sure enough, she lives about an hour away from me. So, I got to meet her. I won't lie, it was kind of awkward at first. When you have been reading about a person for a few months, know a TON about them, but have never had a phone conversation or seen them face to face, I felt like that creepy voyeur again. However, after talking for a while, it got easier, and I actually ended up enjoying myself and hopefully making a new friend. She was just as sweet as her blog has portrayed her.

Then, when I returned home, Foster and I got to spend and amazing night with the Princes. One of my really good friends, whom I have NOT been spending nearly enough time with, was due to be induced tomorrow. As I have mentioned before, I am VERY happy for this couple, they are going to make wonderful parents. However, I did not want to respond the same way I did to Mrs. Prince going into labor, so I was bound and determined to stay away from facebook and the updates, and keep myself busy. Because not only was she bringing home a baby, but bringing home a girl. Once again, girls are still difficult for me. I held and loved on Baby Prince last night, but girls are still too sad for me.

When I returned from my semi-productive trip, I made some home made bruschetta and Foster and I headed over. I played with Baby Prince for a while. I found that if I bounced him on my knee, he would be calm and content. As soon as I would stop, he would start scrunching his face as if he was going to scream if I did not continue with the spatial disorientation. So this continued for a good half an hour before he finally relaxed and fell right to sleep in my arms. Foster got a glimpse of what it would be like if we had had Rosie. He had to hand me food, my drink, and anything else I needed, because I did not want to wake a sleeping baby.

Mr. and Mrs. Prince were wonderful hosts. Mr. Prince made some amazing fare to include venison sirloins and venison chili for the hot dogs. I tried not to sway too much from my diet but I had to sample SOME of his hard work. Foster and Mr. Prince seemed to be trying to out do each other in drinking beer. It was my turn to be the understanding and patient wife. It was pretty entertaining to watch and listen to the two of them. Half the time they didn't make sense, and the other half of the time they were being ridiculous. Mr. Prince fell asleep on the patio and I wonder if Mrs. Prince was able to wrangle him upstairs to bed. Foster made it home, barely, and made it up to bed, barely, and now feels like utter crap. I warned him, because I was in similar circumstances last Sunday morning, but I guess he didn't want to listen.

Overall it was an amazing day, and I am completely ready for another wonderful day with friends. Today we are celebrating Anne's (Bride #1) last week of being single with a bachelorette party. I am sure I will have great pictures and a great story to tell tomorrow, IF I don't feel like utter crap:-) Until tomorrow.......

My Bug's Life

It is official, I have posted my first entry for my sister's blog. Here is the new link:
http://mybuggslife.blogspot.com/
Feel free to join it too! It has a totally different feel to it, it is more cute and funny and adventurous!
Enjoy!

My Bug's Life

After much contemplation, I have decided to create another blog, so keep your eyes open. I have mentioned my sister Bug numerous times in my entries, and decided after recent events, that she deserved a blog of her own. I know she will never write a blog of her own, she leaves the writing up to me, but most of her stories are totally blog worthy.
You had a small taste of the adventures she has on a daily basis when I told you the story of her naked horseback riding, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. She is one of the smartest women I know. She works in the NICU taking care of the really sick babies, but when it comes to common sense, she can sometimes be way off base and this leads to some pretty funny, sometimes scary stories.
I will not be posting on her blog NEARLY as often as I post on "Journey", but it will be worth looking out for posts! She has gotten herself into three funny situations this week alone!