If You Google Me

If you ever noticed the Feedjit live on the side of my blog, it shows where and what time my visitors come in. It also tellme what country, state, and city they are from. The cool part, is it shows where the traffic is coming from. So if you click on my blog from another blog, or from facebook, or directly type in my address, I can tell. There is also this cool feature that if someone came to my blog from googling something, then it shows what they typed into the search engine that brought them to my site. Here are just a few of the tings you can type into google to find my posts and what posts they took these people to.

"God answers prayers in amazing ways" took this person to my post "God Answers Prayers in AMAZING Ways" which was a post about how I was going to meet Angie Smith at the Women of Faith Conference instead of just receiving a much wanted reply email.

"Picture fram that says all because two people fell in love" took this googler to "Grief the Complicated Companion". Which was all about Mama JJs angel day, and haw grief sneaks up and bites you in the butt, i am sure this poor person was not expecting that information.

"baking soda old wives tale" brought this apparently pregnant woman to "Heart Palpitations and Old Wives Tale #4" which is pretty self explanitory.

"army gown" brought a possible military wife to "Military Ball Dress Shopping" which may have actually helped this shopper, b/c there were some gorgeous gowns I found!

"how far along should you be before doing the ring test for baby gender" brough yet another pregnant woman to one of my old wives tales, "Old Wives Tale #2". I knew these posts would be helpful to others...and FUN!

"10 Days Past Ovulation pregnancy test" too a wannabe, and hopefully succesfully pregnant woman to "10DPO" I hope this gave her a little hope, but not TOO much false hope....10DPO is REALLY early to get a positive pregnancy test!

And last, someone came across my blog when they typed "voyerism with friends" into google!! I don't know if I want to know why someone was googling this topic, but I am sure they were extremely dissapointed when they got a post about how I got to meet one of my favorite bloggers turned real life friend Holly from Caring for Carleigh in the post "Voyerism, Exhibitionism, Old Friends and New Friends"

It is interesting who unknowingly, outside of the military and baby loss mom community stumbles upon this blog. I just hope that, in most cases, they find what they are looking for, and possibly go away with a smile.

Old Wives Tale #6

This one is a slight adjustment to the last addition of age and year of conception. This tale comes from the Mayan Wives.

Legend has it that the Mayans determined a baby's sex by looking at the mother's age at conception and the year of conception. If both are even or odd, it's a girl. If one's even and one's odd, it's a boy.

Let's look back at Rosalynn. I conceived her in 2009 when I was 27. So according to this that is BOTH odd and she was supposed to be a girl, and they were right!


With Pumpkin I conceived in 2011 and I was 29 years old. So according to the Mayan old wives, 2 odds mean Pumpkin should be a Girl.

Avaleen: 66.6%
Declan: 33.3%

Declan is falling further and further behind!

Stay tuned because later tonight I will be posting about Rosalynn's first heavenly Birthday!! Yes folks, two posts in one day!

This Summer's Hottest Accessory!!

 
That's right, my holter monitor. I think it can go with just about anything! Don't you?

I figured as soon as this monitor went on, it would be my luck that my heart would all of the sudden behave, and the palpitations would stop. Well, I was WRONG. They have actually been pretty prominent today, wearing me out a bit! I hope that because of this, the cardiologist is able to get a good idea of what is going on.

I had some swelling on my legs, actually just my left leg, the other day and it had me worried. Of COURSE the worst is going through my mind. I have heard of instances where women get Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) during pregnancies, and although it resolves after the baby is born, it is not easy on the mom's heart. I know, the odds of this are slim to none, but the heart palpitations and swelling so early in the pregnancy have me worried! Good thing is my BP was normal, and there has not been a single trace of protein in my urine so far, so pre-eclampsia is not a factor as of right now.

Sometimes working in the medical field is a BAD thing at times like this!! I did, however, purchase some compression hose to help bade off the swelling and avoid getting clots since it is clear there is currently some sort of circulation problem. Better be safe than sorry. I also started some low dose aspirin that Dr. C had told me i could start if it "would make you fell better" around week 7. I didn't feel the need at that point, but I started it this past week.

June 17th I meet with the cardiologist. Pray everything comes out ok!

Thanks for all the love and support!

Grief...the Complicated Companion

Grief is a complicated companion to live with. Once I think I have is figured all out, once I think I have learned to live with a slightly heavy heart, it bites me in my butt.

This past Friday was the one year angelversary of Mama JJ. For those of you who joined me within the past year, I wrote about her here and here. On the Wednesday prior to her day, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was driving home from work in the morning, and the song "If heaven wasn't So Far Away" came on the radio. Tears started streaming down my face. Day dreams of visiting Rosalynn and Mama JJ and My Granny started running through my mind.

When I got home, I sat at my desk and the frame that holds a copy of Rosie's U/S picture and two pictures of Foster and I on our wedding day with the saying "All because two people fell in love" across the bottom stared back at me. I started sobbing. Uncontrollable, heaving sobs. This is probably the first time in months that I have cried this hard. I can only really give you one good reason why I was crying so hard, why the pain was so raw for the first time in months........ I miss them. I miss them all!

Obviously I miss my daughter. There still isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of her. I have been wondering things like if this baby will look anything like his/her sister and have been comparing u/s pictures. I have wondered if Rosie would be as interested in my growing belly as the dogs have been over the past couple weeks. I wonder what kind of big sister she would have been. I feel guilty, like I have been neglecting her here, and she was the reason I started this blog. I know, I did not focus this blog on baby loss because I was hopeful that my life would be filled with rainbows one day, but she is still my first born, and I never want anyone to think I would forget her for one minute.

I miss Mama JJ. I miss her gentle heart and uplifting attitude. It pains me to see the tears and sorrow in both Papa JJ's and JJ's eyes as they talk about her knowing there is NOTHING I can do to take away the pain but all I can do is be there for them.

I miss my Granny. It has been almost 12 years since she passed, but I still miss her a lot. She was the best grandmother a girl could ask for, and both her and Rosie's bodies are resting together as their should play in heaven together. I just know Granny is enjoying every moment with her great granddaughter.

I wanted to show you all what bloomed between Rosie's original due date, May 28th, and Mama JJs angel day, June 3rd. Sorry, these are all from my phone, so the pictures aren't as good as the ones I took with my camera.

 


My climbing roses...getting bigger and bigger each year! It never fails, it bloomed on Rosie's b-day last year too!!

Rosie's rose bush that my in laws gave us on the day of her funeral! It has 7 blooms so far!

Probably my favorite color rose in my garden this year! The picture does it no justice!!

 

Foster had the idea to cut some and bring them to JJ for her mom's day. So I picked one off each bush and mad e a small bouquet. Friday, Mama JJ's angel day, turned out to be a beautiful day. The weather was perfect and JJ, Bug and I started our morning off with a great breakfast followed by a matinee showing of "Bridesmaids". Honestly, if you want to see this movie, wait till it comes out on DVD. It was cute, but I expected a lot better. We passed the time int he afternoon by shopping at Mama JJs favorite stores, drinking Godiva chocolate milshakes, and enjoying lunch on the patio of a Frenchh style bistro.

Every special occasion we buy a Pandora bead. For Rosie's one year angelversary we bought the "Angel of Hope bead", now all of us (mom, me, Bug, my aunt, and JJ) have that bead.

We were having a little harder time picking out a bead to represent Mama JJ. JJ asked the sales girl if they had any new beads. They pulled out this feather bead. Instantly we knew it fit Mama JJ. Feathers always remind me of her free spirit. JJ always pictures her mom flying free as a bird, and they even released some of her ashes off the wings of a newly released bald eagle that had been nursed back to health by the "Save the Eagle Foundation". The feather was PERFECT!

We then met up with the rest of the gang; Papa JJ, my mom and dad, Foster, and Ky for dinner at Mama JJ's favorite restaurant Olive Garden. It was really nice, and followed by ice cream. I refrained since I had indulged in the decadent Godiva milkshake earlier in the day, but I can't say I didn't sample a taste of my mom and dad's.

There were no special ceremonies or balloon release like we did for Rosie (and yes, I am VERY aware I haven't posted about it yet, and I will as soon as I motivate myself to transfer my pictures off the memory card...it is the one downside to having a 16GB card, I never clear it!) for there is no grave site to visit her, but the day was filled with Mama JJ nonetheless. I felt her all day. It was a beautiful day of remembrance.

I know as I walk through life with grief as a constant companion, I will have more bad days, and as I watch Pumpkin grow, I will constantly wonder how Rosie would be to her little brother/sister. However, I know that my little girl, Mama JJ and Granny will be watching over all of us until the day that we join them in heaven.

Week 16

Wow! time seems to be going pretty fast. Maybe it is because I have been so busy! This time in the pregnancy with Rosalynn, I was getting married. I guess looking back, that pregnancy went pretty fast up until this point also. I  just hope it continues. Because if we stick to the plan, Pumpkin should be her in 18.5 weeks! Crazy huh?


Size of baby: Right now, about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces.


Maternity clothes: I am wearing all maternity bottoms, but I am still wearing some shirts that are flowy, non-maternity
Sleep: doing better. I have been slowly getting more energy, but still like my cat naps from time to time
Best moment of the week: Seeing Pumpkin on u/s again. The girls and I tried to figure out the sex last night when we got a little slow @ work. It was a lot of fun! But Pumpkin is definitely her mother's child! She/he was ornery, and had his/her legs completely crossed indian style. Then he/she must have gotten irritated with us poking around, because she/he flipped her/his back completely towards us and would not flip back. It was still amazing watching Pumpkin moving all around.

Also, I had a prenatal massage, which I will talk about more in my vacation blog, but it was AMAZING!!!
Movement: Still having gassy flutters! But I can feel real movement when I put the doppler wand on my belly. I can feel the baby moving!
Symptoms: Heart palpitations, still some nausea and the occasional vomiting with strong odors, primarily Foster's bodily function smells!! Yes, he has made me vomit!!
Food cravings/aversions: fruit, fruit smoothies, and McDonald's Chicken Nuggets. No real aversions, just things that don't sound appetizing at the time.

Gender: The u/s tech said that if she had to guess when I was 13 weeks, she would say Girl, but not to paint the nursery yet....I hope she is right! Tried to verify last night and had a stubborn one on our hands!

Belly button in or out: Still in

Stretch marks: TONS of old ones from Rosalynn, and a few new ones popping up on my boobs and hips.

What I miss: I wanted raw oysters really bad this week! But I would give up anything for 10 months as long as this little one is healthy.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex for sure and feeling the baby move more prominently.

Weekly wisdom: Heart Palpitations are normal, but only to a certain extent.
Dream of the week: Another amazing dream about this little one. Again, it was a girl. This time I was in the OR getting my c-section. They checked the baby out and everything was fine, even @ 34w4d. Next thing I knew, I was standing beside the bassinet. I don't know how my guts were not hanging down to the floor, because the doctors had not even sewn me up yet. My whole family was there and we were all crying at how amazing it was. I hope upon hope these dreams come true. I still don't want to get too excited, because it makes me nervous every time I start thinking that this might be my "take home baby".

Belly Pic: Holy Moly my belly looks bigger than I feel right now! No more looking fat, I actually LOOK pregnant now! please don't mind the lack of makeup, I had no time to do it after I got done with an INTERESTING, STRESSFUL phone call this afternoon (but that is for another time).

Old Wives Tale #5

It has been over a week since I have posted anything, and I have good reason! I will post all about my amazing trip to Georgia with Foster. There was a resort, a mountain, and a BEAUTIFUL wedding. However, I have to work tomorrow night, so it will probably have to wait till Thursday. Until then, here is another fun old wives tale. I already tested it on Rosalynn, and it was true, but with my friend who is pregnant now, and has two boys it was wrong...her boys should have been girls by these calculations. Once again, probably only a 50% chance of accuracy, but hey, at least it is fun!

So the old wives say that if you add your age to the year you conceived, and it turns out to be even, you are having a girl, if odd, a boy. So if we take my age (which I am not thrilled to reveal but for the sake of these posts I will) 29 plus the year '11

29+11= 40 = even= GIRL

So lets see if this rang true for Rosalynn too! I was 27 when I conceived her in 2009.

27+9=36 =even= GIRL

So the scales have tipped in the opposite direction:

Avaleen: 60%
Declan: 40%

Heart Palpitations and Old Wives Tale #4

So for the sake of keeping everything documented for this pregnancy, I am going to write about the latest symptom I have been having. Heart Palpitations. That's right, my heart has been a fluttering away. Now my husband claims I have to stop thinking about him so much, and they will stop. Very funny!

At first it was only once in a while. I googled pregnancy and palpitations, and it seems that since there is such an increase in blood volume, sometimes a pregnant woman can experience palpitations, along with shortness of breath with exertion. So, I let out a sigh of relief and went about my business.

Well, this weekend they picked up...ALOT! I was having 1-1.5 hour stints of constant palpitations. Some of them were taking my breath away, and on Friday I had to pull over twice while driving in order to vomit. I have had awful nausea with this pregnancy, but up until now, not much vomiting. the palpitations felt like they were in my throat, which then in turn made me throw up. So I decided it was time to call the doctor.

I called the office, explained what was going on and they called me back about 30 mins later. The nurse told me that if the palpitations were still going on by Monday, to call back. REALLY?!?!? They had been going on for a week. What would make them think that they would go away over the weekend!!?!??  So I agreed and continued on my way.

Well, surprise, surprise, they got worse instead of better. Foster and I headed out to my parents house for a little "Rapture Party", that's right, if we were going to go out, we were going to do it all together! :-) It was a lot of fun for everyone, and I didn't want to ruin it, but I felt the need to let my doctor know that the palpitations were getting worse. He wanted me to go to the ER. Not the closest one to my parent's house and not even the one that I work in, but one of the largest in Ohio. I agreed, but with more contemplation, decided not to. I had a few reasons.

#1 I was NOT going to pay a $150 copay! It is ridiculous! People come in all the time with stubbed toes and minor injuries and never pay a dime b/c they don't have insurance, and they "Don't have any money", even though they have their smokes and cell phones right there with them.

#2 Foster and my family were having too much fun killing ground hogs, and cooking out. I didn't want to ruin the fun, and I figured as long as I rested, and kept myself pretty calm, the flutters were bearable. I would go on Sunday if they persisted.

#3 I was afraid they may want to admit me if they DID find something wrong. I had a photo shoot on Sunday morning that could NOT be rescheduled because it was for a first Holy Communion. So it's not like I could ask the church to reschedule for Monday or something.

#4 I didn't know if the trip would be worth my while. If I went in and they were asking my history and found out I lost a baby last April and am now pregnant, they may just chalk the palpitations up to anxiety. If they decided to take and EKG, and it was when a palpitation was NOT happening, it would just confirm their initial thoughts in their mind. I was afraid they wouldn't take me seriously. I work in and ER, I know how it works sometimes, unfortunately. We see too many women come in who just want and u/s because they don't have an OB, and will use every excuse in the book to get one. This causes a lot of speculation and jaded perspectives on the part of the nursing staff and doctors. I hate that this is true, and I am not saying it ALWAYS happens, but I was afraid I would be categorized as a "crazy stillbirth mom" you know?

On Sunday, I just prayed and prayed that I would make it through the 2 masses without incident. Although I was faced with a few palpitations, there was nothing too extreme. When I called Foster after the shoot, he asked that I come home first, so that if I decided to go to the ED, he could go with me. I love him! I got home and fell asleep. I slept for 4 hours, and actually felt a little better afterwards.

For the past 2 days they have still been happening, but ALOT less. I only intermittently get them again. However, I am calling tomorrow. I am calling my doctor and letting him know that no, they haven't gone away, and explain my reasoning for not going into the ER. I hope he takes me seriously. He had mentioned that we may need to do a 24 hour holter monitor. I figured, since he has office hours on Thursday, he may be able to fit me in...I hope!

Foster and I will be heading to Georgia for my cousin's wedding, so I would like to have an idea of our plan before we head down south. It will be nice to just relax with Foster for a few days, and I can stay pretty stress free, since he is doing most of the driving and I can sleep!

I will keep you all updated!

On a happier note, although our u/s tech had a guess to the sex last time, I am still doing the Old Wives Tales. This time I did the baking soda test. If you take a couple tablespoons of baking soda, and add your urine to it, if it bubbles it is supposed to mean you are having a boy, and if it doesn't it means you are having a girl. I guess it has something to do with the acidity of your urine. Well, there wasn't a single bubble. So, according to this test, it confirms what the tech guessed, and we can expect a GIRL.

Results so far:

Declan: 50%
Avaleen: 50%

Looks like we are back at square one!