Old Wives Tale #2

I know you are all wanting to see the pictures and hear the story of Rosie's 1st heavenly birthday, but I have pictures to upload with it, so it will be a few more days. Easter weekend was hectic, I have been sick as a dog, and now I have to work through Wednesday night. BUT I figured I would share one more gender predictor test with you.

Have you heard about the string and ring test? If not, go to this link and it will tell you all about it. So, I asked Foster to hold a necklace with my wedding ring over my belly and tell me if it goes back and forth or in a circle. He had no clue why I was asking him to do this, so he could not purposfully make it go in one direction or another.

He couldn't tell for a minute, and SWORE it wasn't moving at all, and then it started swining back and forth. Circular motion= GIRL back and forth= BOY.

Now, I never tried this with Rosalynn, so I couldn't tell you if it turned out to be true last time. I kind of wish I had!!

So results so far:

Boy: 100%
Girl: 0%

1 year ago today......

Happy 1yr in heaven beautiful baby girl!!
"Those we held in our arms for a moment, we hold in our hearts for a lifetime"
Mommy and Daddy Love you! Hope you are having fun with all of your friends!!

Military Spouse Magazine Article! And First Gender Predictor Post!

I forgot to tell all of you that the article "A spouse like you" was published in this month's (April's) Military Spouse Magazine. Unfortunately, I have not seen the finished product yet, because I don't have a PX or Commissary around me, but the journalist had said she would send me a copy, so hopefully she follows through! For you milspouses out there, has anyone read it? I would love to hear how it came out! I will post the article for the rest of you as soon as I get it.

On a frustrating note, I dropped my photography class. This all day hangover feeling has made it hard to go to work, much less go to class and then take 50-100 photos for each project each week. I felt bad also because every one of my appointments will be on a Thursday, and I would be missing class more than I want. I already had to reschedule my April 21st for the 28th because I was supposed to have a midterm that day. I guess I could ask to have my original appointment back, but I think I will keep the 28th because we should be able to hear the baby on doppler since I will be 11 weeks by then! I would hate to go in too early and freak out if they couldn't find a HB. Of course, I have no reason to think this baby isn't growing. Between all the symptoms, and my belly popping out ALREADY! I have a feeling we have a strong, healthy one on our hands!

So, I want to start a "Will it be a girl or a boy" sting of posts. I will be doing all of the old wives tales between now and the u/s when we find out. I am not sure how early we will know, because I will be getting them quite frequently after the second trimester hits, so I figured I should start pretty quickly.

So for the First Old Wives Tale, I did the Chinese Gender Predictor Chart. I did a few of them to see if there was any variance, because I know some of them use the Western months and ages, whereas the REAL ones use the lunar/Eastern calendar and ages. I went to this website. According to ALL the Chinese predictor charts, I am to expect a BOY. To compare to Rosalynn, I went back and re-submitted all my info for my conception with Rosie, and sure enough, ALL of them said I would have a GIRL....so how accurate are these?

What does it say you are having/ had? How much can we rely on it? I would love for a few of you to try it out for your current pregnancies or past pregnancies and tell me what it says:-)

So Far:
Boy: 100%
Girl: 0%
This could turn out to be a lot of fun!!! Let me know if there are any old wives tales you want me to try!

Calling All Angel Mommies!!

As you all know, we will be celebrating Rosalynn's first heavenly birthday on Wednesday. I wanted to do something a little special for all of my baby loss parents. Please, if you haven't already done so on DS or on my facebook, please leave your angel's name on here if you would like me to sent their name up on a balloon with all the other names. It is the least I can do for all of the love and support you have shown me over the past year. Wow! A whole year......I can't believe it has been almost a whole year without my beautiful daughter.......

8w4d~ Guilt!

I have been feeling very strange lately. Not depressed, not anxious, not alone, not any of the feeling I had after the loss of my Rosalynn. I just feel different. I was trying to figure out why I have been avoiding my blog, my support group, and even calling my friends, but couldn't put a definite reason behind these actions. Then, I was standing in a cafe waiting to have breakfast with my mom, dad, and Foster and talking to my mom. She hit the nail right on the head. She said she was feeling guilty about getting excited about this pregnancy because she almost felt like she was cheating on Rosie. That is it!! I feel guilty!

Rosalynn's 1st heavenly birthday is approaching fast. In fact, it is a meer 9 days away. I am grieving the loss of my daughter more and more as the day creeps closer and closer. However, I am pregnant again, and should be happy. I should be reveling in the hope of this new life, but I feel guilty. I don't want to get too excited, because I don't want my Rosie to think I forgot about her! I don't want her to think for one instance that he mommy is replacing her with this new baby. I have been getting signs left and right from her lately.

Around Christmas this past year, the funeral home sent us a beautiful engraved dove with her name on it. When we put our tree up 3 weeks later, we couldn't find it. We looked EVERYWHERE! IN every drawer, in the baskets that hold our mail, in the ENVELOPES in the baskets that hold our mail, on Foster's desk, EVERYWHERE. This past Friday I was looking for my military ID so I could head to Drill. I picked up the basket our mail is in, and glanced down; there it was. The ornament I had misplaced over 5 months ago was sitting RIGHT ON TOP! I called Foster and asked him where he had found the beautiful gift. He claimed he hadn't seen it since the last time I saw it. He admits now, HE BELIEVES IN SIGNS! He honestly thought it was a sign from Rosie.

Then, this Sunday at mass, the reading was about the raising of Lazurus from the dead. This particular reading really helped me in my early grief, because I really felt abandoned by God. However, in this passage is states "Jesus wept" with Martha and Mary, showing that he mourns with us. He is just as upset when we lose a loved one as we are, but it is a part of life. I teared up, because this was a reminder that I am not alone as April 20th quickly approaches, and i am reliving all of the sorrow in my head. THEN to top it off, "I am the bread of life", one of Rosie's funeral songs, were sung during communion. I left mass a total blubbering mess. I felt her all over the place! I have been feeling her all over the place! I don't know if it is her way of supporting me and helping me through this, or if it is her way of making sure I don't forget her. But I promise on everything that is near and dear to my heart, that I will NEVER forget my beautiful baby girl!

There is also fear. I am finding out left and right that there are more and more pregnant women around me. I have recently found out there are 2 more women at my work pregnant. That makes four of us all together. Anne, a few cousins, and numerous online buddies are pregnant as well. Of course I am THRILLED that I have so many people to experience this journey with, however I am scared. 2 of the SAME women at work, a few friends, and at least 3 cousins were pregnant when I was last. The one difference between them and me is that they all got to bring home their babies, and I was left burying mine, and watching all of theirs grow up around me. Seeing them at stages the Rosalynn should be at. I DON"T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!! I DON"T WANT TO BE LEFT BEHIND AGAIN!!! Every girl I find out is pregnant with me is, in my mind, a potential baby I will have to watch grow up without mine in my arms. I know this sounds irrational, I know it is borderline crazy, but it is a reality for me, because it has happened once before. There is NO guarantee it won't happen again. I am not promised this child, I am not guaranteed to bring this baby home with me.....I can only hope and pray at this point.

Please be patient with me as I work through all of these mixed emotions. As April 20th approaches, my emotions are increasing, and it definitely does not help that I have pregnancy hormones raging through my body as well!

For those of you who have been waiting for an update on Pumpkin:

I am 8w4d. I have been having all day "morning sickness" but no vomiting, just a constant nausea that is eased slightly by the Zofran, but not completely. I have also been battling migraines. I explain it to my husband that I feel like I am hung over every day; except without the fun of binge drinking the night before. I feel bad for him, because although i do not complain NEARLY as often as I feel bad, he still has to deal with me moping around the house, sleeping ALOT, and lots and lots of bodily gasses due to my upset stomach. I had to move my next appointment to April 28th because I have a test in my Photography class on the 21st and they had scheduled me 1.5 hours before my class was to start. I was nervous that since the last appt. lasted 4 hours, that I would miss my midterm. So, the 28th it is! It is a regular appt with no ultra sound, HOWEVER, we SHOULD be able to hear the heart beat on doppler since we will be 11 weeks by then!! I am very excited about this!

I am showing already too! Unbelievable at this point, but I am a little over 8 weeks and look like I did when I was 18 weeks pregnant with Rosie!! They say your second always shows faster but my LORD!! I will post pics soon!

Thanks for the continues prayers and thoughts.

Busy, Busy and My Official Pregnancy Buddy!!!!

I apologize for keeping under the radar for the past couple weeks. I have been soooooo incredibly busy. As you know, our kitchen is being redone, I started a photography class that has kept me REALLY busy, and I had my first OB appt.

I have been trying to keep my fears down to a minimal, but sometimes they creep up on me. I have gotten mad at Foster a few times for asking me to do what seems like simple things, but in my overprotective, crazy head, I think will somehow "hurt the baby". Just one instance is cleaning our new glass top stove. The back of the special cleaning solution mentioned bleach, and I freaked. I could have handled myself a little better; I blame my reaction on the hormones. Poor Foster, he is in for a tough 7 more months!

On a happy note, I officially found out who my pregnancy buddy in my local, "real life", is going to be!!! My best friend in high school, bridesmaid in my wedding, and I was her matron of honor. I wrote about her wedding here. Anne and Tony are PREGNANT!!!!! She was originally going to keep it a secret, but after telling her my reasoning for revealing my news to every one early, she followed my lead and did the same. Please, Please, PLEASE, keep her and her new little addition in your prayers. This is her third child, her youngest being 9 years old! She is terrified, but this is a much wanted child. I just pray in the end we both have our bundles of joy to grow up and be great friends like we have been since 5th grade!