Where do I Belong?

If you randomly stumbled onto my blog, you wouldn't know what it focused on. If you are a baby loss mommy, there are no pictures of Rosalynn to clue you in that she is the reason I started this blog, and unless you scrolled down and saw my link to Faces of Loss or the beautiful name projects from other BLMs, you would not know I had lost my daughter without reading my posts. If you are a military wife, you would have no indication that I am a part of this strong group of women because my page is not full of Army photos of Foster or me, or layouts with boots, camo, and dog tags on it. It feels like I am in high school all over again. I was a swimmer and also had friends outside of this group, and other than about 3 girls, I never felt like I completely fit into any particular click. Once again, I feel connected to both groups, but do not feel like I completely fit into either one. I didn't want to make my blog dedicated to only Rosie, because although she was the one who inspired this blog, she is not all that defines me. Right now it seems she consumes ninety percent of my thoughts, and influences ninety percent of my moods and actions, but this is not how it has always been and this is not how it will always be. I also wanted to leave the option open to continue to post on this blog if God blesses us with another pregnancy. This is still up for debate in my mind for a number of reasons, and if the time comes, I will be asking for opinions on what to do.

I do not post a lot about being a military wife at this time, because although we have gone through time apart with TDYs and deployments, Foster and I are blessed enough to not be faced with any real challenges with the military right now. However, I am going to talk about something tonight that may make this change in a couple years, and then this blog may take a HUGE turn. BEFORE I go into details a note to our friends in real life and family members (Moms and Dads, all sisters) PLEASE do not talk about this with us in real life unless we bring it up, because there are A LOT of factors that still need to go into play and things he and I need to talk about, so DO NOT PANIC!! Foster has a few years left with his current unit, but he has been introduced to a very specialized program that the Army offers that he would be great for. It is a Masters program that he can obtain a few different ways, and would give him a degree in either Nuclear Physics or Weapons of Mass Destruction. He would have a great opportunity to move up very quickly in ranks and possibly hold very important positions. It would also help his civilian career if he ever decided to get out of the Army. I am supper supportive of whatever path he decides to go with his career because he makes decisions on how he can improve himself and take better care of his family. As I mentioned before, Foster is currently active duty with the National Guard. The biggest PCS (Permanent Change of Station for those of you non-military) we have to worry about is getting stationed across the state, HOWEVER, IF he goes with this degree, he would go active duty in the regular Army.

This sends me into a few mixed emotions. Who wouldn't want to travel while they are still young and, currently, without any children? If he is active duty regular Army, this means we would be moved to a different state, and although the farthest we would probably go would be Maryland or DC, it is scary for me to think I may be that far away from my family and friends. I am nervous about the change and what the future could bring. Thankfully it is quite a while away, and we have plenty of time to figure things out, and he may even find a different endeavor to pursue, but these are the ideas and plans for the moment.

An update about Back in His Arms Again for my Baby loss moms. I am happy to say I had an amazing meeting with Kam, the founder. She wants me at the next board meeting which is supposed to be tomorrow, but I have not heard the definitive plan yet. I recently talked to a friend of mine who is about to take her boards to officially become a PsyD. (Doctorate in Psychology). She is amazing, and wants to donate her time and counseling services in her area. I am so proud to have friends like this. If any of my BLMs want to donate their time or services, feel free to contact me, and after the meeting, I will let you know how you too can help. (I know there are a few of you that do baskets and memory boxes that I would LOVE to have your help in providing the families that contact me with one of these beautiful, helpful gifts, and I may be contacting you in the future.) My last question is do ANY of you work for a cell phone company. I need some advice. I know companies are required to donate so much in charity. A HUGE portion of this business is on the phone, talking to the families, calling the funeral homes, calling the cemeteries, calling the hospitals, calling the counselors, etc. Kam, her hubby and I will be the main 3 that will be talking A LOT. Kam says she goes through a new phone every 3-5 months because she burns through the batteries and overheats the phones so quickly. As a way to alleviate some of the cost, I was inquiring if any cell phone company would donate a 3 line family care plan. We ARE a non profit, so we only have money coming in through fundraisers and our own pockets, so saving money on a cell phone plan would alleviate a HUGE cost. If any of you know HOW or WHERE or WHO I need to talk to, PLEASE let me know. I used to get free donations from stores and restaurants for Christmas parties, I am SURE I can get one plan donated for a non-profit organization. I have a few phone calls to make tomorrow.

On a final note, I am sooooooo excited for this weekend. Anne's wedding!!! I am very nervous about once again standing up and making a speech in front of a bunch of strangers. Say a little prayer for me that A) I can do Anne justice, and B) that I do not make a fool of myself.

Sorry, this blog is ALL over the place....proving my point from earlier.

OH....and check out, I posted a new My Bug's Life entry!! click here or on the side bar of my blog.