As I have mentioned NUMEROUS times (only about every Sunday), Foster and I feel close as a family at mass on Sundays. We also are usually struck with a sadness we do not feel embarrassed about when we are there. The sermons and readings usually somehow correlate with what is going on in our lives at the moment, and almost always remind us of Rosie. However, after the sermon, the readings and the Eucharistic prayers, I thought this would end up being the very first Sunday since April 20th that would NOT remind me of my daughter. Of course I thought of her, there isn't a moment that goes by that I do not think about her, but I feel like she always makes her presence known in church, like she wants to remind us that she is looking out for us. I look forward to this every Sunday.
I was a little disappointed that my little girl didn't come to "visit" mommy and daddy today, but figured maybe she realizes we are healing, and don't need constant reminders anymore, because we just know she is there. Well, I gave up on her too soon. Before I even got the chance to open the hymnal to see what song would be played as we took communion, I heard the opening notes played on the piano and my eyes welled up with tears. They were playing the same song that we played while we took communion at her funeral "The Bread of Life." I sang with all of my heart, as tears streamed down my face I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible, because I felt as if she wanted me to sing, that she was making it a point to remind me that she IS still here with us. Foster rubbed my back and scooted just a few more inches closer. As I knelt in front of the miracle of the Eucharist, preparing to receive the Body and Blood, I thanked God for once again showing me why I love Him so much, and why I love Rosie so much. We are NEVER alone, and our prayers WILL be answered, even if it is in the form of a song as a reminder.
There will always be four songs out of the hundreds in the missal that will forever hurt my heart: Bread of life, On Eagles Wings, Be Not Afraid, and Amazing Grace. However, from now on, I will belt them out to the best of my ability while the tears fall.
I do feel bad for the man sitting in front of me, because although I was not literally sobbing, the tears were in a constant stream and fell on the bench in front of us, so I am sure he now has a big wet mark on his butt from sitting in a pool of my tears.
Here is the song....who knew it could be found on YouTube?!?! He will raise me up on the last day, and when He does, I will be greeted by my beautiful Rosie.
Well Here's a Huge Update
2 months ago