Welcome...and Sad to See You Go

So I noticed I have picked up a few more followers, and also that I have lost some people. It is sad to see people drop from my friend list, but I understand that some people have to move on.  I lost a few after my last post about drill weeknds, and I hope I didn't offend anyone, especially my military spouses and members out there. I want to clarify something, I love my country and I love the Army. The problems I have are not with either one of these. Prior to losing Rosalynn I thought I was invincible. Nothing could hurt me, and I was willing to callenge life. My priorities were completely different. Since April, my life was turned upside down, and everything has changed. The other night when I was writing that post, I was crying as I told David how upset and angry I was how things have turned out. Not just with losing my child, but with how let down I have been by my unit. I feel like that kid who has been completely let down by their parents. Before I joined, and when I was in training, my perception of the military was they would protect their own. I was convinced that if I was ever in trouble, they would be like family.

I cried because I had felt abandoned by the family I thought I could rely on. This is enough to make anyone feel angry and bitter. Foster and I have mulled over different plans of action; discharge for depression, asking to be transfered to a different unit, etc., but I am going to stick it out. I am not a quitter. I mentioned we have a new First Sergeant and a new Comander. Although I have not yet talked one on one with the new commander, I have talked to the 1SG and I hope he is passing on information to my CO. From the looks of it, this new leadership seems to be more in tuned with my ideals of what the military should be, my second family. I feel like I have renewed hope. I am praying that this is not like the abandoned child who gets their hopes up when their deadbeat father comes back for a week or two, promises to stick around, buys the child gifts, and then ends up leaving again. I am optimistic that this is a situation where a new leadership means new priorities. So far it seems good, but I am not going to get my expectations up too high.

For those of you who just joined me, I promise I do not complain and whine in every post. I am actually a pretty upbeat person for everything life has thrown at me this past year. I have been married to the man of my dreams, my prince charming, for a little over a year now. We are a dual military status couple. He is active duty in the National Guard, and I am a traditional guardsman. I am a full time student 5 weeks away from graduating with my bachelors in Psychology, and I work full time in and emergency room, which I absolutely love.....most of the time. On April 20th, 2010 Foster and I lost our first and only child, Rosalynn @ 34weeks5days gestation, a mear 3 weeks from our scheduled c-section, to stillbirth. Three weeks after that, Mama Red, Foster's best friend's mom passed away the night before Mother's Day. She was like a second mother to him. Three weeks after that, MY best friend's mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. She was a light in my life for the past 29 years. She was one of the most selfless, caring, Christian women I have ever known, and when in six weeks three very important people in my life passed, I was rocked to the core. I have been tested in so many ways. My faith, my marriage, and my sanity have all been tested these past 10 months, and I feel like I have come out stronger. My marriage has flourished and somehow become stronger that thitanium, the devil has not won in his pursuit of tearing me away from God, and my sanity....well, the jury is still out on this:-)

I thank you for joining my journey as I find ways of coping with my grief through writing, photography and my new non-profit project "Roses from Rosalynn with Project Sweet Peas". I have met so many amazing people through this blog who have enriched my life more than I could ever have imagined. Please do not be a stranger. I love comments and try to respond to any of you who take the time to write me (as long as you have the setting that allows me to reply by email to your comment on.)