Internet dating: it has been a topic of conversation lately among some of my single friends. In such a fast-paced, instant-gratification society it is so convenient. Now that we have i-phones and droids that do everything but make us dinner, phone and computer dating is not as taboo as it once was.
I am about ready to attend the wedding of a friend of mine who met her fiance on match.com thanks to me. I had just recently gotten out of a volatile relationship, and wanted to focus on myself. One tipsy night with my best friend JJ, she convinced me into creating a profile on match.com. They had just launched their now famous "buy six months, and if you don't find anyone, you get the next six months free." My question is, if you didn't find someone in that next six months, then what? Do they deem you "undatable"? For a whopping $64.99, I purchased my first six months. I figured the first six months I could date, get to know different people and figure out what I really wanted in a man. I would NOT get into a serious relationship, I would only have fun, and if by some miracle I found my "dream man", I would wait until I had officially been single for a year before jumping into a relationship with this guy. I had broken up with Brian September 2006 and refused to get into a new relationship until September 2007. I had to find myself and love myself before I could love someone else.
The second six months would be used seriously to find a "match". I would start weeding out the duds, and focusing on the studs (I know, corny). Match.com suggests you write a profile that is descriptive and honest, and have a screen name that would catch a guy's attention. Here is my profile, you judge for yourself.
I am a very outgoing and independent girl looking for a great, sweet, respectful guy. I have been in those long term relationships, I have dealt with the games, the "chase", and frankly all the bull. I am sick of meeting guys in bars and have decided to try a different route.
The one main complaint I get from guys is that I am "too" independent, and can fend for myself. But honestly, I just want a guy that will respect me, and have some fun! So, I am looking for a great guy that can handle being out with the boys when I want a girls night out, or tagging along with me and my family on a Friday night for dinner and a movie. I want someone who can make me smile, or make me laugh when I am bored.
I love my sister and best friend, so they have to like the guy. I want a guy who loves his family, and understands that no matter who comes and goes in your life, your family will always be there in the end. I would like an animal lover considering I grew up on a farm. I am a city/country girl. I have lived in LA, but then on a 90 acre farm, and now in Columbus, Ohio. You could say I am the best of two worlds. I am outgoing, and love to have fun, whether it be skiing in the winter (even though I can't do it well), horseback riding in the rain, or dancing my butt off in a club, I like to make the best of every situation, and try and keep a positive attitude. I want a guy that can make light of any situation and keep a positive attitude like me (no negative nellies as my roomie would say.) I socially drink and would like a guy who does the same. I don't like to argue, and although I am a very passionate person, I despise drama!! I have been in two long term relationships, and am trying to date and have fun, but if I find the right guy, I would settle down and try again. You know what they say, third time is a charm. Heck, it is worth a shot. :)
The first six months were a blast! I met so many different personalities and was really able to figure out what I could and could not live with for the rest of my life in a mate. The best advice my father ever gave me about dating was "If you find a trait in a person that you could not live with forever, end it right then and there. You cannot change people, they can only change themselves, so it is a waste of your time and theirs if you drag the relationship out." So that is what I would do. I would go on a date with someone, and if I found a trait that I did not like, I would not accept a second date. Here are just a few of the guys I met:
1. The brother/guy friend: He was the really sweet country boy. He was gentlemanly, laid back, and actually got along really well with my friends. He took me to a really nice seafood restaurant for our first date and pulled out all the stops. The one thing that I could not get over was his age. He was four years younger than me. I know, four years is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but at that time it mattered. Also, I had that "friend" feeling with him. I tried to have other feelings because Mr. JJ kept telling me what a great guy he was, but unfortunately he reminded me of a brother or a good friend instead of a romance opportunity. However, we did keep in contact and still talk from time to time on facebook. He is one of those guys that I am glad I met because he made me laugh, and was so sweet , and I wish him the best!
2. The pear shaped man: I have never been one to be caught up on physical appearance. I don't mind if a guy has a little cushion around the midsection, or has a few extra pounds on him. I am not even too hung up if the guy is shorter than me, but I did find one physical attribute I could never learn to live with: Hips bigger than mine. This particular guy was pear shaped like a woman. On his profile, I had only seen pictures of him from the waist up, and now I know why. Although his stomach, chest and face were well proportioned and fairly fit, his hips were bigger than mine. As I drove up to meet him, it was the first and only time I debated driving past and not stopping. However, I am too nice to do this to someone, so I stopped and we had lunch. This is actually the only time I insisted on paying for lunch because I knew there was no hope for a second date and I felt bad that he had driven an hour and a half to meet me.
3. The older man: A very attractive, 39 year old man started communicating with me and we decided to meet for lunch. He was actually really nice, but a little intimidating. Some women actively look for men with money, and he definitely had money. He was an investment banker, before the economy started to turn south and took me to a very upscale resturaunt for lunch. I was very out of my element. I would have thought that the age difference would have bothered me, but it was the money. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the idea of having money, or having a man who makes ALOT more than me, but I felt like he was showing off, and I like my men a little more humble.
4. The divorced, OCD pilot: I understand that pilots tend to be, actually NEED to be, a little OCD, but this particular man was over the top. Foster has some OCD tendencies, he likes to number his socks, but the pilot had a very stark, minimalistic apartment and everything had a place. If one thing was out of order he would freak out. He also folded and packed his clothes into his carry on as if he was in the military, and trust me, as someone who is in the military, no one WANTS to fold their clothes like this. He was newly divorced and he had major trust issues. I think secretly he just wanted to get back with his wife and it quickly became apparent to me that he was only looking for one thing. Needless to say, I stopped seeing him too.
5. The nerd in disguise: As I became the expert at Match.com, the only thing that really ticked me off was when someone would misrepresent themselves. I was very upfront and posted recent pictures of myself. This guy I was excited about meeting because we really hit it off through e-mail and on the phone, and he seemed really sweet. His pictures online portrayed him as an attractive guy. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and saw what looked like a different person standing before me. As I mentioned before, I am not superficial and looks was not my first priority, but what I cannot stand is liars. If he had just posted a picture of his TRUE self, I probably would have still gone out with him, he was not that bad looking, but because he portrayed something entirely different, he didn't get a second date.
A few months into my dating experience, I was rehashing some of my stories with my friend "Joe". It peaked her interest, and after a few glasses of wine I had her convinced into signing up for one month and trying it out for herself. Joe did not need a whole year, or even a whole six months. She only needed a few short weeks to meet her future husband "Joe". Yes, they share the same name in real life too. She is slightly embarassed over the fact that they met this way, but it is more accepted today than it would have been ten years ago.
Although Joe met her mate, Match.com did not produce the perfect match for me. Sure enough, I met my future husband in a bar, but that is a story for another time.
Well Here's a Huge Update
2 months ago