My Family!!

My Family!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day

(I originally started writing this on father's day, but got a little emotional and busy, so I decided to finish it later, and post it today)

I have noticed something interesting through my grieving process. From the very start, I avoided grieving for myself but instead grieved for the other people involved. The first couple of days everyone was worried about me and Foster, understandably, but I was worried about my poor sister Bug. I have mentioned before that she is a NICU nurse, and has to work with sick babies everyday. She had to watch her niece pass away who was completely developed enough to survive an early delivery, and watch her sister lose her daughter with no real explanation, while she watched women who don't want their babies and don't take care of themselves through their pregnancies take home healthy bundles of joy. While everyone worried about Foster and I, I think poor Bug was lost in the background. She was grieving, and had to go back to work to handle sick babies only 3 days later.

Then it was onto my mother. She has been going through so much! It all started with when my dad lost his job a little over a year ago. Two of the horse died within 2 weeks of each other. Then the dog got hit by a car, luckily survived but broke her leg. Our little pony dies, her best friend in California was found to have some form of dementia, her best friend of 30+ years, Mama JJ, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, now her first granddaughter had passed before even being born. To top it all off, HER daughter was suffering, and there was nothing she could do to take the pain away. She has definitely been going through more than any one person should in one year. I cried for her, wanting to take away her pain and give her a ray of sunshine.

My darling husband Foster, I have been grieving for him since day one. Not only did he lose his daughter, but he was unable to protect his wife from the pain and hurt. He had to witness me in pain everyday physically and emotionally. Then we went to the Pearl Jam concert that was bitter sweet. I originally bought the tickets as an early father's day gift. So when we attended, it was with heavy hearts. Now Father's Day is here, and he does not get to celebrate it with his little girl. This does not make him any less of a father, however, because he is an amazing father! It takes a special kind of dad to father an angel.

Two months ago today our beautiful Rosalynn was born with angel wings. Foster and I were sitting in church and a precious girl about her age was sitting in front of us. This month we could be expecting to see her smile on purpose for the first time. She would be developing those smooth, chubby baby rolls. She would be enjoying tummy time and lifting her head while on her belly. She would be so much more aware of her surroundings than she was a month ago. Foster would be telling her about soccer as he watched the World Cup with her. He would be proudly carrying her on his chest in her little Baby Bjorn harness while watching Grandpa, Bug and I play golf. It would have been an amazing Father's Day.

I am sure Rosie is smiling down on Foster. He has taken such good care of her mom. He has been there to make me laugh when I am sad. He has cried with me, held me in his arms as I have wept, and dealt with my hormonal emotions. He helped around the house when I was unable to do much after the surgery. He did laundry, cooked, and even vacuumed a few times. I cannot imagine going through all of this without him, and pray I never have to find out what life would be like without him.

Foster, you have been amazing, and I love you so much. You deserve this more than anyone: Happy Father's Day sweetheart!

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