Yesterday was full of excitement. I had my 6 week postpartum check up, and also finally started back to work. It was a day filled with anxiety, and the unknown. I have not published anything about the reason behind Rosie's death because we have had no real answers. They had a million and one tests to conduct on her, me and the placenta. As of yesterday, we still have no reason why such a perfect little girl went up to heaven so soon. Dr. P sent out the placenta for a pathology evaluation, Rosie's blood for chromosomal evaluation, and of course my blood, urine and amniotic fluid for testing. the pathology report came back with an "interesting" discovery. There was an placental infarct. Basically, for those of you who don't understand medical jargon, it means blood flow was cut off from the placenta, causing death to one third of the tissue, kind of like a heart attack.
We had had some issues through the pregnancy. Around week eleven I started to have some significant bleeding. I thought I might be miscarrying, but the absence of clots and cramping said otherwise. Upon further examination, I had a blood pocket between my placenta and uterus. Dr. P sent me to the high risk doctor in order to monitor the bleed, and make sure it did not get bigger and cause the placenta to completely detach, resulting in the loss of my baby. By week 22, the bleeding had completely stopped, and the pocket had resolved itself. I was relieved. I finally started to feel like I could breath easier, and started enjoying the pregnancy. Foster and I ordered baby furniture, my mother and I hung a unique wall mural, and I ordered linens and horse lamps. I was bound and determined to make the nicest horse-themed nursery ever. Rosie's room was inspired by the passing of our beloved pony Sunny. I had waited so long to buy a single baby item because although the doctor said the baby was healthy despite the bleeding, I wanted to make sure I was safely past the danger.
Dr. P is referring me to the high risk specialist, and we will get a little more information to what caused the infarct. They ruled out Pre-eclampsia at the hospital. Many people were worried that I had Pre-e because of the SEVERE swelling in my legs and feet, 3+ pitting edema in medical terms. However, with all the labs they drew on me, they ruled out any possibility that pre-e was the problem. All of the chromosomal tests came back fine, our baby Rosie was perfect. Dr. P says because of the lack of answers, she highly recommends that I be monitored by a high risk specialist through the next pregnancy. She explained that what would probably happen next time is that they would do and amnio (they put a big needle in the amniotic fluid and take a sample) around 34 weeks gestation. If the test results show the lungs are developed, they will take the baby by c-section. If the lungs are not developed enough, they would monitor me in the hospital, administer steroids, and take the baby at 35 weeks gestation. It scares me a little, but I would rather have a live baby in the NICU, where my sister can take care of it for a little bit, than have to bury another child.
We did get some good news, however. Foster and I can officially start trying again in July, and we have been given the thumbs up to start practicing again now(sorry mom and dad for too much info). Most women who just had their baby love the rule of no sex for 6 weeks. It gives them a time to sleep, and not worry about their husband's needs for a while. In my situation, however, you realize very quickly how love making is a form of comfort. When grieving, there is no better feeling than the closeness that is obtained by making love to the one person who means the world to you. (I am sorry if this is too much information for some of you, but this is my blog and I use it as an outlet, so at times it will get a little personal.)
I also got the thumbs up to go back to work, slowly. I worked my first eight hour shift last night. I look back and read my last blog and wonder what I was so anxious about. I know I work with great people, and I should not have expected anything less than sympathy, support, and smiles when I walked through the door. Some came up with tears in their eyes as they hugged me. Others voiced their condolences while explaining how much Rosie and I have inspired them. I found out there are a lot more people following this blog than I thought. This has been beneficial because it means I don't have to explain the situation to many people because they have been following along as I have taken everyone through my journey.
The pregnant coworkers are not an issue. I am actually happy for all of them. The doctor I was referring to in the last blog has popped out and is noticeably pregnant now. She is expecting a boy, and I could not be happier.
I am currently working on the desk, and have been reminded numerous times why I am not ready to go back on the floor. I have watched numerous charts come across the desk that relate to pregnancy. I get really choked up when I see women coming in with bleeding or cramping who has a positive pregnancy test. I can't help it, all I can remember is the pain and knot in my stomach that appeared when I found out I had lost my daughter, and I realize at that moment, someone is feeling the same sense of loss and pain.
Pray that my appointment with the high risk doctor goes well this Friday, and I will make sure to update you as we find out more information.
Well Here's a Huge Update
2 months ago