Night Terrors?

So, I will be posting about the most amazing wedding ever very shortly, but first I need some advice! I think Ava is having night terrors. It has only started recently, and they happen every once in a while. She "wakes up" flailing, crying, and screaming bloody murder, as if she is hurt or something. I have tried to wake her, comfort her, and make them stop, but all efforts are futile.
Now, I sleep walk and wake up screaming at least a couple times a week, and I have since I was younger, but it is so sad to see an eleven month old doing the same. Does anyone have experience with toddlers and night terrors? How do I prevent them, what do I do when she is having them?

Another Precious Child is in Heaven

I hate that this post is the reason I am writing on this blog today. I SHOULD be writing every day about the accomplishments of my beautiful rainbow baby. I should be keeping up with this blog more....but then something so heartbreaking hits me out of no where, and my fingers want to type...want to trickle the pain through the keys on my laptop and write it all out on this sacred space.

My family has gone through yet another tragedy. One of my cousins (not to be named for privacy reasons...and good luck guessing, I have over 50 cousins!!) Has suffered the most unimaginable loss a mother can endure. She gave birth to a precious baby who had already went to heaven. 

When you go through a loss like this, all you ever pray is that no one close to you ever has to endure the same pain. It stinks when any baby dies, but most of the women I know I met AFTER their babies died, not before. I never got to know who they were BEFORE their lives changed forever. I became part of their lives after that life altering day. I always say "There was the Erin before April 20th 2010, and there is the Erin after...and they are two VERY different people." And I met the "after women". But in this case, I knew the before....and am all too aware of the journey she and her family are about to embark on. The roller coaster ride known by the name "grief". The questions, the guilt, the pain...and I would NEVER EVER EVER wish this upon my worst enemy.....so the fact that it has happened to a family member......I have no words.

The Erin after April 20th, 2010 isn't naive and blissful anymore, I know babies can die now. The Erin after does not judge rude, stand-offish people, because now I realize I never know what they have endured in the last 24 hours. I live each moment as if it is my last, and never take one minute for granted with my beautiful daughter Ava. The Erin "after" still feels a pain in her heart that will never go away...a crippling, sharp pain, that although has gotten easier to bear with time, is still a constant companion. My first thoughts when I see or hear of a new pregnancy is STILL "don't get too comfortable, ANYTHING can happen".....horrible, I know, but an uncontrollable thought that creeps in without my control.

I cannot BELIEVE it has happened to my family again. I cannot believe that they are about to meet their "After September 6th" selves. All I want to do is wrap them in my arms, and take this pain away from them....but alas, as we all know, no one but God can do that. I please ask that you all pray for my family. Pray for my cousin...that her heart is filled with a peace that surpasses all understanding. That God wraps them all in his arms and takes some of the pain away...or at least shares in their pain with them. 

And for you my dear cousin:

You have supported and loved me through the last 2.5 years. Although miles apart, your words of encouragement and prayers have not gone unnoticed. Please know that I am here for you when YOU are ready to talk. I will listen. I love you, and my prayers are with you.

Updates and Pictures

I feel like an awful mother and a BAD blogger! I rely on this blog to help me document the goings on in my life, and to help me remember and reminisce about my life events...and now Ava's life events. However, time seems to go at rocket speeds now a days, and suddenly it has been MONTHS since i have blogged instead of just days or weeks.

You know it is REALLY bad when I started looking through photo files, and I have photos that haven't been edited and converted of Ava since she was 4 months old...for the record, she will be 9 months in 4 days!

So last night I started going through some photos, editing and posting some to facebook.

We have been up to ALOT, but at the same time, up to a whole lot of nothing.

Foster, Avaleen and I have been to the great state of Missouri, hung out with Aunt Chris and Uncle Mike the GREATS, spent some fun times on the farm, and staying busy with work.

I know, I know..i am supposed to be a stay at home mom, but in reality, my job takes more time then most full time, regular jobs. But I LOVE what I do!! Irish Eyes Photography is taking off faster than I had ever dreamed of. I am so blessed to be able to do what I love, and help others preserve their memories!

I will be in Texas (Dallas/FW area) for a week from July 29-Aug 4th...if anyone is interested in family sessions, is expecting a baby around that time, etc, let me know! We can set up a time for a session!!

Here are ALOT of photos of Ava...lol....as she is growing SOOOO big!!

Always so happy....laughing at granny here:-)

The pups are always so protective of her!

She likes to hang out in the sun from the window...like a cat...lol

Aunt Bug taught her how to spit...I caught it on camera;-)

Hanging out with her future husband!

This is the first time she held her bottle by herself (about 5 months old)

First MLB game!!

One of my fav photos!

probably my fav photo of all time:-)

SUCH a daddy's girl!!

Riding tractors like Granny already!!!

She is a water baby!! :-)

Another Rainbow on the Way

When I first started this journey, it was because I was in need of a MAJOR creative outlet after the devestating loss of my first born daughter, Rosalynn. I needed something that made me happy, and encouraged me to get out of the house. Work was work, and unfortunately, there were days I was constantly reminded of my loss with the frequent visits from pregnant ladies, miscarriages, and the occasional woman in labor. I worked in an ER. I was also becoming bitter, because there would be 7+ month pregnant women coming through the doors drunk and high on who knows what. I needed something that took me away from that and made me happy again. This is why I picked up the camera.

I was blessed to have an amazing support from women all over the country who had experienced losses such as myself. Holly was one of the first women I came in contact with. She was well know amongst the community, and luckily for me, she lived less than 2 hours away.

We had met up once or twice, and when she gave birth to her first rainbow baby, I begged her to let me take a few pictures. I needed the practice. I know, you are probably wondering what a "rainbow baby" is....well, you can find the explination here: http://journeyoflifeandluv.blogspot.com/2011/03/post-everyone-has-been-praying-for.html (about 3/4 of the way down is the definition).

She agreed, and I made my way to her to take a few photos of her daughter, Lainey, you can see those pictures here: http://journeyoflifeandluv.blogspot.com/2010/11/another-beautiful-family-shoot.html

I still LOVE these photos, but I can definitely tell I have come a LONG way!!

Well, Holly is officially expecting her second raibow baby, Evanee!! And I am soooo blessed that she chose ME for her maternity session. She is absolutely stunning, and her girsl are soooo cute!! All 4 girls were present through this shoot, including her angel Carleigh.

Holly was also VERY brave!! Not only did she want nudes, but she wanted me to post them. She claimed they were beautiful and needed to be shared:-) Of course when you are as beautiful as she is, it is easy to get great "nude" shots (as she points out, she is more covered in these shots then in a bakini!! LOL

Thank You Holly, and I cannot WAIT for Evanee's Newborn Photos!!!!

Mothers Day...and Becoming a Different Type of Mother

Sorry, once again life has taken over, and I have fallen behind on the blog posts. I still haven't written about Rosie's 2nd Birthday, but I promise I will write that post soon.

Mothers Day....

I have been a mother for 2 years now. I have celebrated Mother's Day twice so far. However, until this year, I have yet to celebrate it with a living child here on Earth. It has always been overshadowed with this heavy cloud of grief. I would stand up in church for the blessing of the mothers, and I am sure people would wonder where my child was. I would see families taking their moms out for lunch and I would try to avoid eye contact with the "new moms", because that should have been me.

This year was different. As I sat in church with Foster by my side, and Ava in my arms, I was smiling ear to ear. Ava was being her oh-so-cute self and distracting everyone around us with smiles and those big blue eyes, and I just held her and hugged her the entire time. I am so proud to have her as my daughter.

Someone was missing though.....

No matter how many Mother's Days go by, I will always remember and grieve the daughter that made me a mother for the first time....the daughter that taught me the meaning of a mother's love....my Rosalynn. She should have been there with us. I miss her EVERY day. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her, but days like Mother's Day make it that much harder.

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to practice what Rosalynn taught me. To show Avaleen every day how much she is loved and wanted. I am so blessed.

On Mother's Day, I became another kind of mother......I became a God Mother!!!

My Godson!! :-)

Foster and I stood beside Mr. JJ and JJ as baby Cole received the sacrament of Baptism!! We are both TRULY honored. Baptism is a big deal in the Catholic church, and being chosen as the God Parents is looked at as a huge responsibility. It is our job to help JJ and Mr. JJ raise Cole in the faith, to lead him and teach him the ways of the church. We are to be his spiritual role models. I will take this job very seriously! I will do everything I can to help Cole understand God's never ending love for us. I cannot thank JJ and Mr. JJ enough for choosing Foster and I:-)

It was an amazing Mother's Day!! How many people can say they became a "Mother" on Mother's Day?  I can!! A God-Mother:-)

My Baby Is BACK! :-)

Yesterday I finally broke down and called the doctor.

The problem with working in the  medical field for so long, is I tend to brush things off. I tend to second guess whether I am overreacting or not. This is one of the reasons I blame myself for Rosalynn's death. I KNEW something didn't feel right that morning, but REFUSED to go into get checked b/c I couldn't come up with a "chief complaint".

Being a mother to Avaleen, I KNOW I need to get over this "She is fine, it is not bad, I am just overreacting" and accept that the doctors are there to help...it is their job.

The doctor was able to see Ava within 2 hours of me calling....how is THAT for service?!?! So we headed in. She just seemed so miserable the three nights prior, and I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something major I was missing. There was no signs of an ear infection, but who knows...there was no fever, but then she had been on Tylenol for 3 days, so it could be covering it up.

Well, my initial instincts were right. She is fine. She is teething and just a little congested (which started the day before yesterday). The doctor said that there was a small amount of fluid behind one eardrum, but nothing to be concerned about, and there was no sign of infection. She said to switch to Motrin to help with the swelling along with the pain, and that rest and cuddles were in order.

WHEW! I can do that!! I was relieved, because the last thing I wanted to do was have to put her on antibiotics. I know they help, and there is no other way to cure ear infections, but starting antibiotics at this young of an age is just too early...I don't want her body building up resistance to antibiotics this young.

So after hanging out w/ aunt Bug, and after I returned from a photo shoot, we got home and prepared for another rough night.

Foster fed her and I gave her the Motrin. Then it was time for bed. We laid her down, and she started playing in her crib. Then she started whining and crying...but never hit that "I am in pain cry". I would peak my head in, and she would start smiling....MY BABY IS BACK. She was just trying to play her little game of "get into bed with mom and dad". Sure enough after about 10 mins of whining and light crying, she fell asleep and slept through the night again!! THANK YOU LORD! Either the Motrin worked, or that darn second tooth finally cut through making her feel sooo much better!

Glad this smile is back all the time:-) 

Ava and Her Nasty little Teeth Update

After all of the advice last night, Foster and I set out on the quest to soothe Ava and beat those nasty little teeth at their own game.

First I started out feeding her cold baby food and formula. Then Foster gave her a Bath while I attempted to get some photos edited. When she came down she seemed really happy and content. I thought for a moment that this night would go easier. NOPE. About 1 hour after her bath, right around bedtime she started crying, rubbing her eyes, screaming, and fighting us. I decided that she WAS exhausted, and WANTED to go to sleep, but these teeth, and whatever else is bothering her was preventing her from falling asleep. I gave her her nightly dose of Tylenol, 2 teething tablets and we waited to see if those would kick in. After about an hour she was still fussy, so I took Chantal's advice and put a little bit of scotch (she told me whiskey, but scotch was the only liquor we have in the house) on my finger and rubbed it on her gums...should I be worried she acted like she enjoyed the taste?!? LOL....that seemed to work for about 5 mins. So we decided to take her upstairs. Foster read to her, rocked her, and it seemed like she was going to go to sleep. She was playing in her crib but every so often moaning and whining. Well, sure enough the moaning and whining got louder and louder and more frequent. I took her out, rocked her, put an ice cube in a plastic bag and held it against her tooth (Note: I never left her alone with the plastic bag, I just didn't want the ice cube getting her and I wet). I also gave her a cold, freezer washcloth. While all of this seemed to help soothe while we were holding her, she would still scream the second we would put her down. I felt like all she wanted was to cuddle because she was in pain:-(  My poor baby girl!

The night before, if you remember from yesterday's post, she slept next to me on her belly while I patted her butt. Well, I hate sleeping in the bed with her when Foster is gone, so when he is home, it is out of the question...scares me too much. So I had an idea. I wanted to bring her bassinet back into the room. Her bassinet has a side that folds down so I can see her and reach her without getting up. Foster was TOTALLY against it.

He wanted to fight me tooth and nail. He said he was willing to stay in her nursery with her, rocking her till she fell asleep. I tried to tell him I tried that the night before with no avail. Remember, he was out of town. "We can let her cry it out," he said. Once again, I reminded him I was the only one home the two nights previous, I had tried all of this, and the ONLY thing that worked was her on her belly getting her butt patted. So he gave in.

A SOON as I placed her in the bassinet on her belly and started patting her butt, she was out! Literally, in less than 30 seconds!

Now, all night she proceeded to wake up slightly, whine, and I would pat her butt lightly and she would pass back out within seconds!! We slept (with just a few interruptions) for 8 hours!!!! Needless to say, we are ALL happier this morning. I have called the doctor to see if I can get in to get her ears checked, but if everything checks out OK, we at least know how to handle the rest of this teething!!

Oh, and don't worry...I got the 3 most amazing words leave Foster's mouth this morning..."You were right." ;-)