< I awoke this morning overwhelmingly sad. I have been so busy with work and school, I have gotten very little sleep, and realized that I wouldn't get the chance to visit my daughter's grave on her 6 month angelversary. I was terrified that people would forget. I should have known better. I got a call from my sister today while I was at work that not only made me cry tears of sadness, but also of joy. She was the loving aunt, and went out to Rosalynn's grave site and spent some time with her and my Granny. My heart swelled, because I am so blessed to have such an amazing sister. Bug has the most gentle soul, and she truly loves her family, including Rosalynn. She took a beautiful red balloon out and released it so Rosie could catch it. She said the rosary with Granny and Rosie, and then read Rosie a beautiful book. As she put it "We had a little party in the cemetery." She did what I couldn't do for her niece today. div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I was so relieved. A comfort came over me upon getting the news that someone who loved her so deeply visited her today. Kate did mention that it was a little depressing, because her marker is not yet placed. There is only a small piece of wood where her headstone will soon be.
A friend of mine from Missing Olivia, a fellow BLM and Army wife, sent me some pictures from her cross country trip. These were taken at Lake Tahoe, and although she took them a few weeks ago, she sent them to me today, and I am thankful that she did. For one, they are beautiful. She has a camera similar to my new one, and now I NEED to learn how to use it, because I want to take pictures like this. Second, I needed them today. I know it was probably not intentional to send them today, the 20th, the six month marker, but sometimes God has funny ways of working, and her timing couldn't have been more prefect.
Six months, wow! At times it feels like a lifetime ago, but then again, it feel like it just happened yesterday. The pain is sometimes too raw, especially if I am tired or stressed. Time is flying by way too fast, and yet the world came to a screeching halt for me 6 months ago today. 
Thank you all for your love and support. The messages on facebook, the calls and texts. I appreciate them more than you know. It made my fear from this morning dissipate. The people that matter have not forgotten, and hopefully never will.
I also have one problem I want a little advice on. Foster told me today that he told one of his guys that we would come over on Sunday and visit their new baby girl. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them, but I have a problem with this. First of all, it took me almost 2 months to visit my friend Mrs. Davey (from this post) and her new daughter. I have known her for close to six years, and love her to pieces. Also, the Eastwood's (also from the same post) baby I saw when they were still in the hospital because she knows the feeling of loss and had a very complicated pregnancy. I have known her since before high school, and was rooting her and Baby Eastwood along for 9 long months. There is a reason it was easy to visit them. Not only are they amazing friends, but they let me talk about Rosalynn, and ask questions like "How are you REALLY doing?" and REALLY want to know the answers. I am not close to this couple on Sunday. I don't want to see their baby, I don't want to hold their baby, I don't want to fake that everything is ok. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable if we start talking about pregnancy pains and adventures like all ex-pregnant women do. I do not know how comfortable they will be with me in their homes. I just don't want to go. Foster insists that I do. He seems to think that it will be "good" for me, and does not see my side of the issue. I understand he wants to support one of his guys, and I will gladly cook some food for them, but please, please, please do not make me go with you. I partially wonder if he wants me to go because he wants my support as well. He may need me to be there for him so he will be strong. What do you think?
4 comments:
I am so glad your sister was able to do that. Having a loving family to help ease your burden of grief, is an extraordinary comfort. I think of you often sweetie.
6 month birthday Rosalynn ♥
If he thinks you should go b/c he thinks it will help you and no other reason then you shouldn't go if you don't want to. If it's b/c he may need the support to then I would consider it
I LOVE that your sister went to visit Rosie. That is so touching. I just love it when I find out that someone has been to the garden where Jacob's ashes are buried. It makes me feel like he isn't so alone and I LOVE knowing that others think about him when I haven't brought him up. It is probably the very best thing that someone could do for me right now.
The pictures taken at Lake Tahoe are beautiful.
I recently went to visit my husband's friends who have a 5 month old baby girl. Normally I long to hold babies, but I had no desire to hold her, so I didn't. But they didn't offer, so it was easy not to ask. What was difficult was when the baby's Mom talked about her labour. She mentioned that she had one nurse throughout, so I mentioned that I had 3...little things like that. No one asked me for any details about my labour, although she was giving many details. I felt like it made people uncomfortable when I mentioned it, so I stopped. I knew that if I had been there holding my baby, we would have had a long talk about labour. Seems that if your baby dies, lots of other Mom's don't want to know about your labour and it sucks.
I think Foster will need your support there. Is there any way of keeping the visit really short? You could lie and say you have a cold or something, so you shouldn't hold the baby.
Those pictures are PHENOMENAL!!!!
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