My Family!!

My Family!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

2 Years, and a Heavy Heart

I woke up yesterday with a heavy heart. 2 years ago, I woke up in my bed with an overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. I didn't feel "quite right". I called my aunt and my husband, both suggested I went into urgent care. I declined, saying I had NO idea what my primary complaint would be. I worked in an ER, and if a woman came in and told me she had no idea what was wrong, I wouldn't know how to react. We would have still seen the patient, but how do you go about diagnosing the patient who has no specific complaints?!?

I had felt Rosalynn move a few times, so I wasn't worried about her. I went to lay down at about noon that day, and although I still can't tell you why, I called off work. I don't know if deep down I knew the night would take a terrible turn, maybe I was afraid of sleeping too late and then not calling off in time, I may never know what made me call off work, but I thank God I did, because I would have HATED to find out w/o Dave around that Rosie had passed.

Around 9pm I headed to Mr. and Mrs. Prince's to borrow their doppler to check for Rosie's heart beat.....nothing. We started praying that the reason was because she was breached, but when we got to the hospital, our worst fears were confirmed!

Last night I spent the evening with Ava, Cole, JJ and Mr. JJ. Foster was out of town for work. Around 7:30 PM we were walking back from dinner when a family with a two beautiful girls started walking by. The oldest girl was 18-19 months old and had the most beautiful head of red hair. She was looking at Ava and wanted to touch her and the mom said, "Be gentle Rosie, don't hurt the baby."

I immediately looked at JJ and Mr. JJ. I had chills work their way up my arms. I have yet to meet another little girl names Rosie, and for it to happen yesterday, made me feel it was OUR Rosie's way of letting us know she is still with us.

Today Foster, Ava, myself, and a few family members will be gathering to eat dinner and let off Japanese lanterns at the cemetery.

Although this year was a little easier leading up to her birthday, partially because of Miss Avaleen, but it didn't help make the actual day any easier. I miss her. I miss her every moment of every day....but these days are always the hardest.

I love you Rosalynn. Thank you for teaching me what love truly is.


Stephanie said...

I love reading your posts and how you just have a way of signs making their way into your life. Makes me feel at peace with things. I hope today isn't too difficult for you, but I think your evening plans are a wonderful way to celebrate Rosalynn. I'll be thinking of you. :)

Amber said...

wow Erin..this brought chills to my arms and tears to my eyes when reading it. Love that Rosie was there with you guys and that she was trying to reach out to her little sis!! <3 you! Amber.

Erin said...

I cannot imagine how hard this day is for you (not that everyday without your baby is hard). Thinking of you.

Holly said...

You just never know how the actual day is gonna be but it sounds like you spent it with people who love you. And how amazing you met that little girl Rosie. :) I so hope that our children can send us signs like that!! or at least God sending them for them!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Much love to you, my beautiful monkey. Remembering your sweet Rosie...and sending love and prayers for you.


Template by