Foster seems to think I am bordering on crazy the further along in my pregnancy I got. Let me explain.....
I mentioned in my weekly update post that my doctor made the comment "Everything is looking great in this pregnancy so far. There is no reason for me to think that it will end early like the last one did." I am sure this comment was said as reassurance, but the more I think about it, the more and more I get pissed off about it.
Rosalynn looked great at 24, 26, 30, and even 34 weeks. IF there was any "signs" that pregnancy would end early, WHY DIDN"T SOMEONE GIVE ME THE HEADS UP?!?!?!? I don't want him to get complacent. I don't want him to start going back on the promises that he made at my pre-conception appointment and my very first prenatal appointment. If I had not mentioned the growth scan at 24 weeks, I am afraid that he would never have scheduled it. I am afraid he forgets the things he tells me from one appointment to the next.
For instance, my very first appointment, he asked, "So, you had a 20 week loss right?"
"Ummmm....NO....an almost 35 week loss!!!!" BIG difference. Now, to those BLMs who had 20 week losses, I am not saying it is a difference in devastation, the loss of a child is the loss of a child. What I am referring to is the subsequent pregnancies. IF I had had a 20 week loss, I am going on 22 weeks tomorrow, and I may feel like I can breathe....a little. Having a 35 week loss, I don't know if I will ever have a "safe zone". In fact, instead of my anxiety going down, I feel like it is increasing as time gets closer and closer to the 34w5d mark.
I don't expect him to be a therapist, but I do expect him to take my concerns to heart, and LISTEN to me. I feel like he almost blows off alot of my concerns. For instance, my BP was 113/98. Now the top number (systolic) looks GREAT! However, that bottom number, the diastolic, is about 20 points higher than I run on a normal basis. His response "Blood Pressure fluctuates."
My BP was a concern for me with Rosalynn. I was never diagnosed with Pre-eclampsia, but I definitely had all the signs....increased BP, slight protein in my urine, and 3+ pitting edema on my ankles and feet, and swollen all over my body. Yet, the doctors didn't seemed to bothered by all this. I know, Dr. C may think that saying things like "BP fluctuates" will ease my mind, but it doesn't. Instead, maybe give me some tips to bring it down, maybe retake it or tell me to monitor it outside of the office (Don't worry, I have taken initiative on my own and am doing all of this....along with running my urine occasionally @ work). Not taking things like this seriously is the first way to throw me back in time to Rosie's pregnancy.
One of the nurses told me I have to be my own advocate. That sometimes these "top doctors" get a little cocky and start getting complacent. So, I have a plan!
I have a 24 week appointment with a growth scan. I am going to ask Dr. C to WRITE down the plan of care from here on out. We are hitting viability stage.....24 weeks. I want to know when our scans will be, when the Non-Stress Tests (NST) will start, and exactly when we plan on delivering, and WRITE THEM ALL DOWN FOR ME. That way, I have the plan of action in my hand, and if he tries to change his mind, I can show him the list and ask why he is changing courses.
I am a planner. I am terrified that he will decide he wants to wait until 36 or 38 weeks and THEN deliver, instead of the 34-35 weeks that he has promised before. I want to know, because that is a BIG difference, and Foster and I have jobs and things to take into consideration. I want to know if I have 10 weeks left as of the 24 week appt, or if I have 14 weeks left.
And IF he tries to blow off my feelings or go back on his word, I have my pictures. the pictures of my beautiful 5lb12oz baby girl that I will place in front of him and "gently" remind him that THIS is what we are trying to avoid again!
How does this sound? Foster thinks I sound a little crazy. However, how crazy is too crazy when it comes to the health and well being of your child?!? I would have died to save my daughter Rosie, and I feel the same way about Avaleen already. I don't call it crazy, I call it motherly love!
Welcome to pregnancy after stillbirth!
What do you think? My fellow BLMs, what would you do?
Well Here's a Huge Update
2 months ago