A Secret Society

Ten months ago today I unknowingly joined a secret society, an elite group of strong, amazing people. They have the biggest hearts, the most caring natures, and they didn't know they were in the club until their fateful day. You don't need money to join the club. In fact, this club doesn't care if you are rich or poor. You don't need connections, to "know the right people". Honestly, the current members of the club hate it when a new member joins, not because we don't like them or think we are too good for new members, but because we know too well the pain the new member had to endure to join our group. The only criteria to enter is the loss of a child. Unfortunately, no matter how hard a non-member tries, they can never come close to imagining the pain that all of us have gone through.
When I joined the Baby Loss Club, I was so inspired by how these parents had survived, because I know at one point I felt that all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. I wanted nothing more than to meet my baby girl, my beautiful Rosalynn, to hold her and kiss her and play with her, all the things that moms of living children get to do. However, my broken heart was slowly being pieced back together. Each one of the women I have met, each heart wrenching story I have listened to and shared, helped glue a piece of my heart back together. I am not alone in this. My heart will not ever completely heal and there will always be a piece waiting for me up in heaven, but my fellow baby loss mothers have helped guide me through this journey.
Please do not get me wrong, friends and family have been a HUGE part of my journey, an immense support system. However, there have been times that I have felt all alone in this journey. Not for lack of people reaching out to me, but because I could not imagine anyone knowing how I feel. This is where my BLMs have come in. Just like any journey one takes, wether it be the loss of a parent, infertility, adoption, cancer, you feel less alone when you find that secret club, that group of people that know exactly what you are feeling and thinking, because they are thinking and feeling the same thing. They are on the same journey as you are.
If I don't say it enough girls, I love you so much and thank you. Your spirits are so uplifting. You have helped me through some of the darkest times, and lifted me up when I have fallen. Some of you I am blessed to have met in person, some I have spoken to on the phone, but the majority of you I have only known through the internet, and yet you have all become some of my closest friends. I hate what we all had to go through this, but I love that we have all found each other. If I never get to meet some of you in person, I look forward to the day we will all get to meet in heaven (lets hope this is a LONG time from now) where all of our angels play together now.

Rosalynn,
Baby girl, your birthday is quickly approaching, and not a day goes by that mommy does not miss you. I hope you are having fun with all of you angel friends. I hope they throw a HUGE birthday party for you up there in heaven, because we will be throwing you one here on earth. You have changed me Rosie. you have transformed your mommy in ways I never thought possible. Thank you for being a part of my life, and allowing me to be your mom.
Butterfly kisses and hugs!
Mommy