This is What I Have Been Up To! (And Pictures)

I feel like an AWFUL blogger and online friend! I have been busy with Ava and getting into the groove of motherhood. I really need to write down a schedule:( Ex: 9AM:check email 0930: write blog, 1000: pick up house, etc). There is a BIG reason why I haven't been using my time wisely, other than Ava.

My Photography. It has kind of been going to the next level. I have been so busy shooting, editing, browsing for ideas and tutorials and other photogs' blogs and websites. I search and buy backdrops, and props, and fake floors, backdrop stands and lighting, lenses and even shopping for my second camera body (the Canon 5D Mark II) I use Pintrest for inspiration, and tips and tricks and suggestions for equipment from other professionals. . I use almost all of my computer time doing SOMETHING related to my photography.

I have to upkeep my Official Website, keeping up my facebook page and now just started scheduling regular posts for my Photography Blog. I am now trying to think of creative venues to market myself. I want to focus more on newborn and maternity, but shoot every category. Where should I even start marketing?!?! It is all overwhelming. However, I know once i figure it all out, it will come easier. I HAVE to get on a schedule though. I need to set aside time to edit and deal with the photography while still having a life...almost like a 9-5 job.

Ava makes it even more interesting balancing everything. And this is someone who once juggled work, school, non-profit, photography all at the same time! I hate sitting in front of the computer while she is awake..and that is becoming more and more. So I usually wait till Foster gets home to work on stuff. Like I said, it will all come together, and get easier the more comfortable I get, but in the mean time, things like this blog have taken the back seat, along with keeping up with others' blogs. Please forgive me!

Here are just a few of my recent pictures so you can see why blogs (mine and others') have been neglected lately. I promise I will figure it out:-)

Welcome, and Enjoy

So I noticed I have quite a few new followers. In an attempt to make it easy on all of you, I will not make you go back and read 5 months worth of posts, and I will recap my life in a few short paragraphs to get you all caught up.

I am a 28, okay, 29 year old in 1 month. I am married to the most amazing man on the planet. He is my best friend, my confidant, and my life preserver when I feel like I am drowning. He is the opposite of me in so many ways, but the same in all that matters. He is an officer in the Army, and loves his country and his job ALMOST as much as he loves me, but not quite. We were married on 12/12/2009. I love the date, because now he has no excuse to forget it. Okay, I am the flighty one, so I guess this will help ME to remember it. Although he has a pretty stoic exterior, he has one of the biggest hearts, and lets me see it every day.

We have been through one year long deployment while we were dating. While he was in the sandbox, I did what every sane Army girlfriend does, I joined. I wear my own combat boots as a medic in the Army National Guard. This does cause for some interesting situations in our household, but I believe that it has helped me better understand Foster.

April 20th 2010 is a pivotal point in my life. It is the reason I started blogging, and is my motivation for what I do day to day. This is the day that we lost our beautiful daughter, Rosalynn. We were 34w4d into our pregnancy and her heart stopped due to a placental infarct (google it if you would like info on it). We were devastated. I was sent home with an empty womb, an empty nursery, and empty arms. She was 5lb 13oz bundle of beauty. She had my hair, her fathers nose and chin, my hands, and my lips. She was perfect, and now she lives with Jesus. I anxiously await the day that I get to meet her for the first time. If you would like to read her whole story, click on the link on the right hand side of my page.

Although my life has been filled with ups and downs, I try to maintain a positive attitude. I am a child of God, and turn to him every day for guidance and strength. I may slip like any other human, but with the assistance of my friends and family, I pick myself up, brush myself off, and persevere.

I try to entertain in my posts, because my life can be VERY exciting. I am a tech in an ER, a student at one of the largest universities in the country, and have the funniest two puppies you will ever meet. My family is boisterous and animated, and my friends are goofy.

I warn you, some of my posts can be dark and sad, because I do have my moments, but I am always honest. I do not hold anything back! Welcome, and I hope you enjoy the ride as we are now trying to conceive our second child, and I start training for an upcoming deployment scheduled for Summer of 2011.

P.S. If you are a follower, and if I am not following your blog, please message me and I will be more than happy to follow you, I love new blog friends!

"This Stupid Little Life"

Last evening Foster and I were watching a film I love and have seen at least seven times. American Beauty. Although there are many interpretations of this film by critics, personally I find it to be a dark humor interpreting suburban life. However, the last quote from Kevin Spacey's character, Lester, as he has died and is reflecting back on his life struck me and for the first time in seven viewings, actually meant something to me.

Lester: "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

Every other time I hear this quote, I just wrote it off, because no, I had no idea what he was talking about. Well that all changed four months ago. When something alters your life, it alters your view on the world.

As I was driving up north to a wedding, I was driving behind a semi truck. As the wind from the truck blew the tall grass on the sides of the road, hundreds of butterflies were emerging from their hiding places and flying all around. It was spectacular. I have never seen so many butterflies in my life. Previous to April 20th, I would probably never have noticed the phenomenon that was taking place all around me. I would have been annoyed about getting stuck behind a truck going 50 MPH, and would have been looking for the next opportunity to pass him. Instead, I stayed behind him for almost two hours.

I look forward to getting off of work in the morning and seeing the sunrise. There is such a small window of time that you can see the most beautiful combination of pink and purple colors. Where the night sky and the morning sun are meeting. rays of "God's light" makes me wonder where those rays lead to, and what miracles are happening under them. Before April 20th, I would just drive down the highway as fast as I could in order to get home and get to sleep after a long 12 hour shift. Instead, I pull over and take pictures with my phone to capture the moment.


Baby Prince's smiles! Oh my! They are the most amazing thing ever! When I can make him smile, it fills me with an indescribable joy. Fortunately, Mrs. and Mr. Prince do not take their child for granted, because Baby Prince is their "rainbow baby" and they know the feeling of a loss. However, there are way too many people out there that take their children for granted. They use the TV as a babysitter, and may not notice every smile and giggle. He has been such a joy in my life, and I look forward to seeing him and spending time with him and his mom when I go to work out with Mrs. Prince. They are such a blessing in my life! Prior to April 20th, a baby's smile was nice, but it was by no means something I look forward to on a regular basis.

My dear husband. Once again, some people take for granted what they have. My heart fills with so much love and pride when I see him and hug him and kiss him, that it feels like it is going to explode. Last night he kissed me on the forehead and said, "I love you more than anything in the world, My beautiful bride." I wanted to cry with happiness. I am such a blessed woman, and I realize this.

I guess I could be pretty mad about losing my daughter. I could be, but what is the purpose? It is hard to stay mad when there is so much hope and so much beauty in this world. Instead, I count my blessings.

I hope all of you understand this one day, I hope that you all see all of the beauty that is in this world. Things that you may take for granted today, after that life altering moment, you see in a totally different lite. I truly hope none(although ALOT of you who are reading this already have) of you have to ever go through what Foster and I have. But I do pray that all of you, like Lester and I feel nothing but gratitude for every moment of this "stupid little life".