We are all aware that I will be getting the best medical care in the state of Ohio, however there was one aspect of my journey that my OB's nurse was concerned about. Although Dr. C (My high risk doc (MFM)) will be medically the best, the office is so busy, and see so many patients, that my OB (Dr. P) and her nurse (Shar) are worried I wouldn't have the personal attention I crave. In my OBs office, they are so friendly and will let me talk to them for an hour or more at visits. They have been so understanding and supportive, and they are truly afraid that the new MFM office may not do the same. If you know me I LOVE to talk, and when things are bothering me, or making me nervous, I tend to talk even more. So, Shar suggested that if I wasn't already seeing a therapist, that it would be a good idea to start.
Well, I never stopped seeing my therapist. She has been a God send! It is great to have someone listen to me without interruption and focus only on my problems for a whole hour. I was so excited to actually bring her good news this yesterday.
Foster doesn't share my views on therapy. He thinks I should be "cured" now. He thinks that still seeing a therapist is somehow a bad sign, or a sign of weakness. I tried to explain to him that I just like talking to her and it made me feel so much better every time I left. We talk about my nightmares that I still have on almost a nightly basis, we talk about my feelings and now my fears for this new baby. Foster claims that he is here for me to talk to also, but I tried to explain to him that it is not the same.
I have to admit, getting told I was not deploying was a HUGE factor in my anxiety relief. I felt like there was this HUGE weight lifted off my chest, and that I could breathe for the first time since Rosalynn died. I was finally able to focus on her and my healing as opposed to getting prepared to ship out. Also, I am slightly surprised at the LACK of anxiety about this pregnancy. If I had gotten pregnant right after our loss, I would have probably requested to be admitted to the mental ward for 9 months. Now, I think I am ready. I think I am emotionally and physically prepared for whatever is going to happen with my little pumpkin. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but it is definitely as bad as I had expected. I am sure that will change the closer to the end in the third trimester.
I am realistic this time around. I WISH I was still naive about pregnancy, but I know better now. I know that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage, so I am not out of the woods with that. I also know the statistics for stillbirth and almost all the causes for it. Along with this awareness, I have such a better appreciation for each day that passes that I am still pregnant with Pumpkin. It is a miracle....a TRUE miracle! Every night at dinner, Foster and I start our prayers by saying "Thank you God for letting us be pregnant another day". That is how I am doing this, the same way I dealt with Rosie's death; second by second, minute by minute, day by day, and hopefully eventually week by week.
One thing I promise to you all here and now, is that you will never hear me complain. Not about nausea and vomiting, pain, headaches, or anything else. If I ever mention a symptom, it will be to inform everyone what I am experiencing right now, or to ask advice if something is normal. Other than that, I will embrace this pregnancy and everything it has to throw at me with open arms, for God has answered my prayers and I will eternally be grateful for that.
2 weeks from today I will be having my first U/S. Today I am officially 5 weeks pregnant!! Please, your prayers are still very much appreciated!
Symptoms up to week 5:
Low blood sugar feeling if I haven't eaten in a while.
HUGE boobs and sore
the slight pangs of growth in my belly...not painful, just twinges from time to time.
Well Here's a Huge Update
2 months ago