My Family!!

My Family!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Therapy, Prayers and Symptoms

We are all aware that I will be getting the best medical care in the state of Ohio, however there was one aspect of my journey that my OB's nurse was concerned about. Although Dr. C (My high risk doc (MFM)) will be medically the best, the office is so busy, and see so many patients, that my OB (Dr. P) and her nurse (Shar) are worried I wouldn't have the personal attention I crave. In my OBs office, they are so friendly and will let me talk to them for an hour or more at visits. They have been so understanding and supportive, and they are truly afraid that the new MFM office may not do the same. If you know me I LOVE to talk, and when things are bothering me, or making me nervous, I tend to talk even more. So, Shar suggested that if I wasn't already seeing a therapist, that it would be a good idea to start.

Well, I never stopped seeing my therapist. She has been a God send! It is great to have someone listen to me without interruption and focus only on my problems for a whole hour. I was so excited to actually bring her good news this yesterday.

Foster doesn't share my views on therapy. He thinks I should be "cured" now. He thinks that still seeing a therapist is somehow a bad sign, or a sign of weakness. I tried to explain to him that I just like talking to her and it made me feel so much better every time I left. We talk about my nightmares that I still have on almost a nightly basis, we talk about my feelings and now my fears for this new baby. Foster claims that he is here for me to talk to also, but I tried to explain to him that it is not the same.

I have to admit, getting told I was not deploying was a HUGE factor in my anxiety relief. I felt like there was this HUGE weight lifted off my chest, and that I could breathe for the first time since Rosalynn died. I was finally able to focus on her and my healing as opposed to getting prepared to ship out. Also, I am slightly surprised at the LACK of anxiety about this pregnancy. If I had gotten pregnant right after our loss, I would have probably requested to be admitted to the mental ward for 9 months. Now, I think I am ready. I think I am emotionally and physically prepared for whatever is going to happen with my little pumpkin. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments, but it is definitely as bad as I had expected. I am sure that will change the closer to the end in the third trimester.

I am realistic this time around. I WISH I was still naive about pregnancy, but I know better now. I know that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage, so I am not out of the woods with that. I also know the statistics for stillbirth and almost all the causes for it. Along with this awareness, I have such a better appreciation for each day that passes that I am still pregnant with Pumpkin. It is a miracle....a TRUE miracle! Every night at dinner, Foster and I start our prayers by saying "Thank you God for letting us be pregnant another day". That is how I am doing this, the same way I dealt with Rosie's death; second by second, minute by minute, day by day, and hopefully eventually week by week.

One thing I promise to you all here and now, is that you will never hear me complain. Not about nausea and vomiting, pain, headaches, or anything else. If I ever mention a symptom, it will be to inform everyone what I am experiencing right now, or to ask advice if something is normal. Other than that, I will embrace this pregnancy and everything it has to throw at me with open arms, for God has answered my prayers and I will eternally be grateful for that.

2 weeks from today I will be having my first U/S. Today I am officially 5 weeks pregnant!! Please, your prayers are still very much appreciated!

Symptoms up to week 5:
Low blood sugar feeling if I haven't eaten in a while.
HUGE boobs and sore
the slight pangs of growth in my belly...not painful, just twinges from time to time.


Erin said...

Many prayers for a healthy pregnancy coming your way! I love how you said you say a prayer of thanks for being pregnant one more day.

Anonymous said...

Love you! I completely relate, as usual. : ) I too am surprised at my lack of anxiety. Sure, I was super nervous about not seeing a heartbeat before, but now that I have, I am walking on clouds with this baby.. I know I will be a nutcase by the time my c-section rolls around though! LOL. And we will be there together, going nuts together. : ) <3

chambanachik said...

Lots of prayers. And lots of congratulations.

Nicky said...

Oh wow, congrats on your wondrful news! I've been underground for a while, trying to meet a lot of work deadlines, haven't read any blogs - just trying to catch up. Such beautiful news for you both :) I'm with you too - therapy is fantastic - I don't believe a person can ever have too much of it. It's not a sign of weakness at all - it's a sign that you are not living in denial about your feelings, and that is a sign of strength.

Jessica said...

I went through several years of therapy for literally debilitating anxiety. I'm quite functional now and accomplished, but I STILL go back every three months or so for what we half-jokingly call a "tune up" visit. There is something incredibly refreshing about having an emotionally neutral third party to spill your guts to - I hope you're able to continue to go see your therapist, and I am so happy you've found one that you like!

Holly said...

When you've lost a child you def learn how everything with pregnancy and a baby is a blessing and you learn to treasure it all the more!!

I can't wait for you to have your US!


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