Guest Blogger

I wanted to direct you all over to a fellow military wife's blog. Her husband is currently on R&R, and while they are enjoying time together, she asked me to make a contribution to her blog. As usual, I told a story that I have never shared on here, hoping all of you will visit her, and maybe even follow her (if you aren't already). So hop on over, and see how I communicated with Foster when my cell phone was taken away @ basic training and he was in Iraq! Click Here: A Blog A Day While You're Away

A Secret Society

Ten months ago today I unknowingly joined a secret society, an elite group of strong, amazing people. They have the biggest hearts, the most caring natures, and they didn't know they were in the club until their fateful day. You don't need money to join the club. In fact, this club doesn't care if you are rich or poor. You don't need connections, to "know the right people". Honestly, the current members of the club hate it when a new member joins, not because we don't like them or think we are too good for new members, but because we know too well the pain the new member had to endure to join our group. The only criteria to enter is the loss of a child. Unfortunately, no matter how hard a non-member tries, they can never come close to imagining the pain that all of us have gone through.
When I joined the Baby Loss Club, I was so inspired by how these parents had survived, because I know at one point I felt that all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. I wanted nothing more than to meet my baby girl, my beautiful Rosalynn, to hold her and kiss her and play with her, all the things that moms of living children get to do. However, my broken heart was slowly being pieced back together. Each one of the women I have met, each heart wrenching story I have listened to and shared, helped glue a piece of my heart back together. I am not alone in this. My heart will not ever completely heal and there will always be a piece waiting for me up in heaven, but my fellow baby loss mothers have helped guide me through this journey.
Please do not get me wrong, friends and family have been a HUGE part of my journey, an immense support system. However, there have been times that I have felt all alone in this journey. Not for lack of people reaching out to me, but because I could not imagine anyone knowing how I feel. This is where my BLMs have come in. Just like any journey one takes, wether it be the loss of a parent, infertility, adoption, cancer, you feel less alone when you find that secret club, that group of people that know exactly what you are feeling and thinking, because they are thinking and feeling the same thing. They are on the same journey as you are.
If I don't say it enough girls, I love you so much and thank you. Your spirits are so uplifting. You have helped me through some of the darkest times, and lifted me up when I have fallen. Some of you I am blessed to have met in person, some I have spoken to on the phone, but the majority of you I have only known through the internet, and yet you have all become some of my closest friends. I hate what we all had to go through this, but I love that we have all found each other. If I never get to meet some of you in person, I look forward to the day we will all get to meet in heaven (lets hope this is a LONG time from now) where all of our angels play together now.

Rosalynn,
Baby girl, your birthday is quickly approaching, and not a day goes by that mommy does not miss you. I hope you are having fun with all of you angel friends. I hope they throw a HUGE birthday party for you up there in heaven, because we will be throwing you one here on earth. You have changed me Rosie. you have transformed your mommy in ways I never thought possible. Thank you for being a part of my life, and allowing me to be your mom.
Butterfly kisses and hugs!
Mommy

God Answers Prayers in AMAZING Ways!

I mentioned that I had 2 big events other than graduation to look forward to. The first is the military ball, and the next is the Women of Faith Conference here in my town! I am ecstatic. I received an email from my great friend and fellow blogger/baby loss mom, Holly (I have blogged about her here , here and here). She told me that her and the women from Sufficient Grace Ministries were going to be coming for the conference and they wanted to invite me along. I was quick to say I would go, even before I knew about the extra kicker. One of the main speakers at the conference is someone who unknowingly helped guide me through my grief like a beacon on a lighthouse. She is the wife of one of the band members of Selah, a Christian band, the author of "I will Carry You", and she blogs over at "Bring on the Rain". 

If you are a new follower since June, I wrote about how the song "I will Carry You" has moved me to tears many times here. It plays on my music list on the bottom of my blog (in case you want to listen to it). when I found out that Angie Smith would be at the conference, I didn't care about the price, I didn't care if I had to go by myself, I was going to be there. Well, Holly informed me that not only do I get to listen to her speak, but Angie has agreed to meet with the women from the Sufficient Grace group after the conference! Can you say crazy fan right here?!?!?!?! I honestly feel that God has answered one of my prayers. I wrote Angie an email months ago from her blog. I knew I wouldn't get a response because she has THOUSANDS of followers, and probably receives thousands of email a week, but I can't deny I was a little disappointed. I poured my heart out to her, expressing how her book helped me stay out of the dark place Baby Loss Moms can be so easily pulled into.  Her strength to carry her baby diagnosed with anacephaly and stay strong in the Lord prevented me from turning my back on God when I wanted to.

I feel like this is God's way of having her "reply" to my email! I get to meet her! I get to shake her hand, and possibly even get a hug....tears are welling in my eyes as I am writing this! I am sure there will be plenty of tears when this meeting takes place also. To top it off, this is all taking place in April. As you all know, April is going to be a rough month. However, I feel like Rosie is really trying to make it easier on me. The article in Military Spouse magazine will be published in the April edition, AND this conference will be in April. We are still not entirely sure what we will be doing for Rosalynn's angleversary, but I know I want to throw a little birthday party for close friends and family, probably over Easter weekend. A balloon release is probably in order, and a cake, but I am not sure what else I should do. To my fellow BLMs: What did you do special on your baby's day? I would LOVE some suggestions!

Honored Beyond Words

Thank you all so much for all of your prayers for my family and I while we mourn my AMAZING grandfather. The comments and love has meant so much to me, and I am blessed to have so many people, both in real life and online, in my life.

I am excited to announce that the article featuring me in Military Spouse Magazine will be in their APRIL addition! I have been receiving emails from the journalist for the past few weeks, and clarifying things for the final article. I am THRILLED that it will be in April. What a wonderful way to honor Rosalynn in the month of her 1 year birthday! I will be sure to post a link to the article (if it is posted online) or scan a copy of the article on here for you all to see in April.

Also, I have been asked by a fellow blogger to help in a little endeavor of hers. you see, she left this past weekend for Basic Combat Training. She is heading to Fort Jackson, where I went. She wanted me to assist in posting on her blog while she is gone. Her goal is to send letters to Jessica from the Misadventures of an Army Wife to post, and has asked me to expand on her experience and compare the differences between 2 years ago and now. I am so excited about this! I kept a journal while I was in BCT, and this will be a great online journal for Abbey to look back on years from now, and I am honored to help her. Make sure to check out her blog Trading Diamonds for Dog Tags and help encourage her in her journey. You may learn a little more about the Army, learn the "lingo" with all the acronyms, and maybe even hear a story of two you never knew about me:-)

Once again, I do apologize to all of my friends and loyal followers. I am sure you understand that my life has been a little hectic lately. I will be heading up this weekend to spend time with my family for my grandpa's funeral so I may be MIA for a bit. Plus, I have a TON of school work to finish.  I CANNOT WAIT until March when I graduate and life gets a little simpler! Speaking of graduation, I should probably get back to studying, so I don't fail my two midterms tomorrow!

Come On...I KNOW There are ALOT of You Out There

Yes, I do know there are a lot of you out there that regularly click on my link and read my story and don't leave comments. I know this for a fact, because with the new statistics tracking here on Blogger, it informs me that I have at least 150-200 visitors to my blog a day from here and facebook. Now, don't feel bad, I do this often. Heck, I follow over 100 blogs and honestly, do not have the time to read AND comment on every single one of them. However, today is the day to break that pattern! Today is International Delurking Day. So come out my stalkers wherever you are and reveal yourselves!

You don't have to leave your life story, just pop in and say "hi".I do have one favor. I have been having issues with topics to write about. I have been so busy with school and work,that my mind has been drawing blanks , so let me know if there is anything you would like to know about me that I have not already covered, or just give me a good prompt or topic to write about, especially if you are a new follower. Help me get my cerative juices flowing again!

Another Beautiful Family Shoot

I had so much fun yesterday! Instead of braving the crowds and shopping on Black Friday, I spent some time with one of my favorite families. Foster has a term paper to work on, so I was missing my partner in crime, but it was still a fun visit. The Hass', whom I have mentioned here and here, were ready for their close up. Well, at least three of the four of them were! Lainey, the 2 month old, was soooooo cooperative. She only cried a little, and we got some great shots of her because she was so patient. I was thrilled that I was able to do the mirror pictures without her crying. In fact, she found herself IN the mirror, and was fascinated by her self. HEre are a few of my favorites:

The member of the family who did NOT want their picture taken, was Kyndra their 2 year old. She is sweet as sugar, is the prettiest little girl with her long blond hair, and big blue eyes, but did NOT want to have her picture taken with her family. I got a few good shots of her by herself and with her sister though:

 Kyndra with her little sister Carleigh.

Kyndra with her new little sister Lainey.

 

While Kyndra was hiding, I was able to get a few beautiful pictures, incorporating her shyness into the shot:

There is something about this one I just love.

Then the mom/baby dad/baby pictures:

And FINALLY, after a little bribing with the swing and slide, and a movie, we were able to get Kyndra to smile a few times for us!

These pics are just a few of the amazing shots. Their family is so beautiful, and it was a pleasure to spend more time with them. I can't wait to finish editing, and send them on their way!


So, who's family is next?

A Beautiful Family!!

I have some more exciting news. It seems that I will get the opportunity to take more family pictures Thanksgiving weekend. Foster has a HUGE paper due, and he has decided to use Friday after Thanksgiving to take care of the bulk of it. I was talking to my friend Holly from Hass Family Blessings, and after seeing my photos of the baby last week, she asked if I would be able to take pictures of her and her family for their Christmas cards. I was worried, because I wasn't sure if I would get the time with finals approaching, but it seems we worked out a time.

On the 8th I posted a HUGE blog post that updated you on all things military and had tons of pictures from drill that weekend, but I neglected to mention one great event that happened that Sunday evening. Foster and I were able to meet up with the Hass' for a steak dinner.

Foster was a little nervous. He was a little weirded out by all of my online friendships, but our meeting with Olivia's parents went so well, that he was game for meeting another family. If you remember from this post, I had met with Holly once before, and she is one of the sweetest, kindest people you could ever talk to. I was fresh in my grief, she came waddling in 30 weeks pregnant toting a 2 year old in a stroller. However, when the subject turned to Carleigh and Rosie, there was so much love and understanding in her eyes. She understood what I was going through, and was the first real life BLM I had gotten to meet. This time, however, the husbands would be present. We had great conversation, Holly and Foster talked about radiation exposure...don't ask....we chatted it up with Anthony and Kyndra had some very sweet moments and then of course some toddler moments. We got one the subject of funerals, and I paused for a moment, because I realized it was not the conversation that A.) couples our age should EVER have to talk about, and B) a conversation I would feel completely uncomfortable having with any of our non-BLM friends. However, it was almost natural, and no one seemed too upset by it, except maybe the surrounding tables.. We were discussing the option of buying plots near our daughter, and Holly and Anthony informed us they already had. So Foster and I are not completely crazy! Of course, only having my camera for a few short days, I HAD to drag it along with me to get pictures. Here are a couple of the members of the beautiful family I will get the honor of photographing next weekend:

 

 This is cutie Big Sister Kyndra

You can tell she is ornery:-)

 

This is Holly with her rainbow baby Lainey.

 And these pictures are why I cannot wait to give Foster our rainbow one day!

 So touching!

The lighting in the restaurant was not the best, but the pics still came out good. I don't know why I didn't get a pic of Anthony, but I will have plenty after next weekend! I look forward to seeing how the photos of her family turn out all together!!

As we were leaving dinner, Foster mentioned how he really enjoyed himself, and so did I. I am so glad she lives so close, because as nice as it is to have all of the support online, it is great to actually have friends in person that have been down the same road as us.

My Voyerism and Exhibitionism Finally Paid Off!!

I was planning on posting about my second day in Chicago today, but it will have to wait because I had a very pleasant surprise today. In blog land I follow a lot of different blogs. I follow Baby Loss Blogs, which have led me into finding some amazing blogs on adoption and infertility. I also follow a lot of military wives' (milies) blogs. A few of them actually overlap. I of course have my favorites, the ones I like to call my "blog crushes". As soon as I log on, I filter out those blogs and get updated on them before reading the other updates. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from one of my "crushes". I was ecstatic just to see her name pop up into my INBOX, but I was over the moon when I read why she was contacting me.

Her husband is an officer in the Army, just like Foster, and they are PCSing (moving in civilian terms) to a new base. They happened to be passing through my city in approximately three hours and wanted to know if we wanted to meet up. As I checked the time of the message, I noticed I still had about 2 hours, so I called Foster to see what he thought. I explained to him why this woman was so important to me. You see, not only is she a fellow Army wife, but she also lost her daughter Olivia around 36 weeks gestation about 9 months ago. She was one of the first blogs I started following. She seemed so strong and she inspired me, because I had Foster home to help be my rock, but 2 weeks after she lost Olivia, Priscilla's husband had to return to Afghanistan. I immediately had a huge amount of respect for them as a couple. PLUS this was not their first loss! Reading her story made me stronger.

To top it all off, it just so happens that Foster had today off of work because he had just returned from a grueling trip of white water rafting and needed a day to recover. It could not be anymore perfect! We could have a double lunch date! When Foster agreed, I called Priscilla and we made arrangements to meet.

About two hours later, we walked into Olive Garden and I recognized them right away. Once again, just as I was nervous about meeting Holly from Caring for Caleigh , I was just about as nervous to meet James and Priscilla. However, those nerves dissipated quickly as we all started talking. Of course our children came up, but we talked about so much more. We talked Army, moving, dogs, and more. Foster and James had a lot in common, and I found out that Priscilla and I have even more than I thought in common. As if being mommies to angels, dog lovers, blog writers and wives to officers wasn't enough, we both majored in Psychology. It also took her quite a while to finish school, so she completely understood why I was still not finished.

After numerous bowls of soup, bread sticks and salads, we headed out to the parking lot to meet one of my favorite characters on her blog, their basset hound Obadiah (Oba for short). He makes me laugh so hard when I read stories about him, and I was honored to finally meet the little man in person. He is just as cute in person as he is in pictures, and he just LOVED Foster!!

Although we will be living hundreds of miles away, I hope to continue a friendship with this family, and I pray that both our families will be blessed with a healthy, beautiful bundle of joy soon. I am so happy that we got the opportunity to enjoy a meal together and get to know each other, for it is such a blessing to have people like these in our lives.

Visit her beautiful blog, and get to know Priscilla, James and Oba, at Missing Olivia ~ missingolivia.blogspot.com, and I am sure you will understand why their story has been such a huge part of my healing.
Thank you Priscilla for the wonderful surprise!