Pregnancy Announcment

Well, now, you all know I am pregnant, so it isn't my announcement. However, I have been holding off for WEEKS to write this on my blog because she wanted to tell her family, and I know a lot of her family reads this blog. My best friend of 29...ALMOST 30 years is pregnant with her first!! JJ is and Mr. JJ found are currently 13 weeks pregnant!!! I am sooooo excited! I remember back in June when we were honoring her mom's first year in heaven, JJ and I were driving to breakfast. I looked up into heaven and said, "Mama JJ, I know you are having fun with your future grandchild right now, but it is about time to send him or her down here for JJ. You can play with Rosie while your grandbaby is down here on earth playing with Avaleen!"

Interestingly enough, they found out they were pregnant about 2-3 weeks later!!! That means Mama JJ must have listened to me:-)

I have to admit, with both Anne and JJ pregnant at the same time as me it is sooo exciting, but then again, as a Baby Loss Mom, it scares the living crap out of me!

Think of it this way, I got left behind in my last pregnancy. A few of my friends were also pregnant and due around my time. The difference is they are friends.....Anne and JJ are my BEST friends. IF God forbid something happens to Ava, it will be THAT much harder to watch these babies grow up. I see my friend's babies that are Rosie's age, but not as frequently as I would see Anne's and JJ's babies.

JJ is exactly 15 weeks behind me. She is due in March. Papa JJ had a dream that Mama JJ came and told him it was a little girl! So Taylor Marie will be Avaleen Rose's best friend. They will grow up the way JJ and I did, being the best of friends!! I feel sooooo blessed. I just hope the shoe doesn't drop this time around.

Later today I have my 28 week growth scan and get to see Ava again. I can't wait! I will update about that when I have time in the evening.

Also, with Ava on the way, there is another BIG life change that will be happening...but I will leave that for another post;-)

Party With The Girls

I know from my lack of blogging lately it may seem that I have had nothing really going on. I think the exact opposite is true. I have had a TON going on, and because of that, I have not had much time to blog lately.

Last Sunday, after a long drive home from Summer Fest, Foster and I woke up early and started getting ready for my Thirty-One party. I was ecstatic to host a party for my dear friend Amy. I had promised to over a year ago, but we had both been busy and our schedules never seemed to mesh. Back then she had volunteered that if I threw a party, she would donate some of her commission to Roses from Rosalynn. You cannot even begin to imagine how much this meant to me! She has followed my story and has been such a source of support over the past year, and to have her offer that meant the world to me.

We had about 7 women attend, including three girls I went to middle school and high school with. All four of us are pregnant, due within 2-3 weeks of each other! Amy is also pregnant, and she is about 8 weeks behind me! There were a total of 6 pregnant women at the party!! Crazy huh? I think this actually helped with the sales, because Thirty-One has some amazing kid/baby items to purchase. Although I am hesitant to buy anything, I just couldn't help purchasing these adorable bloomers with "Avaleen Rose" stitched on the bottom!!

It was so amazing that how a few of us had not seen each other in years, but yet it felt like no time had passed at all. It felt like old times, and that we were all just as close as we had once been! I am hoping that we are all able to start getting together more often, especially since all of our babies are due so close together!

I wish I had taken pictures, I am not quite sure why I didn't. I was probably just too worried about all the food and stuff that I forgot about my camera. I made 2 homemade bruchetta. The first had fresh mozzarella, bruchetta mix and drizzled with balsamic glaze, the second was brie with pesto cold pesto sauce and a walnut to top it off. I had mini egg rolls, lots of cookies, and "spa water". "Spa water" is the water that they serve at spas that have the fruit in it, infusing the water with just a hint of flavor. I put watermelon, strawberries, and oranges in the water...it was AWESOME!! I really wish I had taken pictures!

Overall, with the party and online purchases, I believe we had around $600 worth of purchases (I am figuring that out by the amount of free stuff I received as a hostess). Everyone was so generous! The only thing I would do differently is post on here and facebook a little earlier, b/c there were so many people who wanted to make purchases, but didn't get paid till the day after we closed the party. If I had given more of a heads up, maybe they would have purchased with the previous paycheck. Oh, and take photos!!

Thank you to all who attended and supported me AND Amy! I cannot begin to express my appreciation to what your generosity will do for the families who benefit from Roses from Rosalynn.

Grief...the Complicated Companion

Grief is a complicated companion to live with. Once I think I have is figured all out, once I think I have learned to live with a slightly heavy heart, it bites me in my butt.

This past Friday was the one year angelversary of Mama JJ. For those of you who joined me within the past year, I wrote about her here and here. On the Wednesday prior to her day, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was driving home from work in the morning, and the song "If heaven wasn't So Far Away" came on the radio. Tears started streaming down my face. Day dreams of visiting Rosalynn and Mama JJ and My Granny started running through my mind.

When I got home, I sat at my desk and the frame that holds a copy of Rosie's U/S picture and two pictures of Foster and I on our wedding day with the saying "All because two people fell in love" across the bottom stared back at me. I started sobbing. Uncontrollable, heaving sobs. This is probably the first time in months that I have cried this hard. I can only really give you one good reason why I was crying so hard, why the pain was so raw for the first time in months........ I miss them. I miss them all!

Obviously I miss my daughter. There still isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of her. I have been wondering things like if this baby will look anything like his/her sister and have been comparing u/s pictures. I have wondered if Rosie would be as interested in my growing belly as the dogs have been over the past couple weeks. I wonder what kind of big sister she would have been. I feel guilty, like I have been neglecting her here, and she was the reason I started this blog. I know, I did not focus this blog on baby loss because I was hopeful that my life would be filled with rainbows one day, but she is still my first born, and I never want anyone to think I would forget her for one minute.

I miss Mama JJ. I miss her gentle heart and uplifting attitude. It pains me to see the tears and sorrow in both Papa JJ's and JJ's eyes as they talk about her knowing there is NOTHING I can do to take away the pain but all I can do is be there for them.

I miss my Granny. It has been almost 12 years since she passed, but I still miss her a lot. She was the best grandmother a girl could ask for, and both her and Rosie's bodies are resting together as their should play in heaven together. I just know Granny is enjoying every moment with her great granddaughter.

I wanted to show you all what bloomed between Rosie's original due date, May 28th, and Mama JJs angel day, June 3rd. Sorry, these are all from my phone, so the pictures aren't as good as the ones I took with my camera.

 


My climbing roses...getting bigger and bigger each year! It never fails, it bloomed on Rosie's b-day last year too!!

Rosie's rose bush that my in laws gave us on the day of her funeral! It has 7 blooms so far!

Probably my favorite color rose in my garden this year! The picture does it no justice!!

 

Foster had the idea to cut some and bring them to JJ for her mom's day. So I picked one off each bush and mad e a small bouquet. Friday, Mama JJ's angel day, turned out to be a beautiful day. The weather was perfect and JJ, Bug and I started our morning off with a great breakfast followed by a matinee showing of "Bridesmaids". Honestly, if you want to see this movie, wait till it comes out on DVD. It was cute, but I expected a lot better. We passed the time int he afternoon by shopping at Mama JJs favorite stores, drinking Godiva chocolate milshakes, and enjoying lunch on the patio of a Frenchh style bistro.

Every special occasion we buy a Pandora bead. For Rosie's one year angelversary we bought the "Angel of Hope bead", now all of us (mom, me, Bug, my aunt, and JJ) have that bead.

We were having a little harder time picking out a bead to represent Mama JJ. JJ asked the sales girl if they had any new beads. They pulled out this feather bead. Instantly we knew it fit Mama JJ. Feathers always remind me of her free spirit. JJ always pictures her mom flying free as a bird, and they even released some of her ashes off the wings of a newly released bald eagle that had been nursed back to health by the "Save the Eagle Foundation". The feather was PERFECT!

We then met up with the rest of the gang; Papa JJ, my mom and dad, Foster, and Ky for dinner at Mama JJ's favorite restaurant Olive Garden. It was really nice, and followed by ice cream. I refrained since I had indulged in the decadent Godiva milkshake earlier in the day, but I can't say I didn't sample a taste of my mom and dad's.

There were no special ceremonies or balloon release like we did for Rosie (and yes, I am VERY aware I haven't posted about it yet, and I will as soon as I motivate myself to transfer my pictures off the memory card...it is the one downside to having a 16GB card, I never clear it!) for there is no grave site to visit her, but the day was filled with Mama JJ nonetheless. I felt her all day. It was a beautiful day of remembrance.

I know as I walk through life with grief as a constant companion, I will have more bad days, and as I watch Pumpkin grow, I will constantly wonder how Rosie would be to her little brother/sister. However, I know that my little girl, Mama JJ and Granny will be watching over all of us until the day that we join them in heaven.

Overcoming a Fear and First Studio Shoot!!!

I was going to wait until I had permission to post all of the photos from this shoot (there was a little confusion that needs to be ironed out), however, I was sooooo excited after the two hour session, that I couldn't wait. i came right home, did some MINOR editing (cropping, black and whits, etc) and am so proud of the products thus far that I just had to share.

This shoot was an important one. It was my very first maternity shoot. After losing Rosalynn, I have voiced my feelings on here about pregnant women and bellies. I was terrified that this shoot would be heart wrenching. In the past couple months I have gone from the BLM to the BLM who is now infertile club, and for all of you fellow BLM and infertiles out there, you know how pregnant bellies usually make us feel. Well, that wasn't the case. I was so excited about the shoot and the artistry behind it, learning to use the different lights in the studio, and creating photos that this couple will cherish forever, I completely lost the feelings of jealousy and resentment.

She was beautiful, he was handsome and their little man even kicked a few times and knocked the blocks off her belly. Unfortunately, you will not get to see the block photos yet either, because they have the baby's name in it, and they have not told a soul what the baby's name will be. That's right, I was blessed to be the third person on earth to know what this baby's name would be! What an honor!! Of course my mentor was the 4th person since he was there too.

My mentor, we will call him Phil M (get it...film...haha), was so helpful and informative. the studio was decked out to the max with lighting and backdrops and props. I could not even tell you what all they had, because the place was packed with stuff. I opted to go for simple. Simple backdrops, simple fabrics, focusing on the family to be and the belly. Here are the first few photos that I can show. I took some bare belly shots, and now my friend is having second thoughts of me posting those. It is my fault. I printed up a release form, but forgot to get them to sign it because I was soooooo excited and nervous about this shoot, then I was so excited about the photos that I forgot to get them to sign AFTER the shoot also. I emailed her, and hopefully within a few days I will be able to post those also. Note to self: DO NOT forget to get that release form signed! (The naked belly photos and the block photos take up 2/3 of my files!!)

So without further ado (I am going to leave a space here for those of you who still feel bad seeing pregnant bellies!)
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Irish Eyes Photography

March 20th (do you notice important dates for me always seem to fall on the 20th of the month?!?! I swear my next child will be born of the 20th of some month.) is quickly approaching. This will be a monumental day in my life...I will be graduating! This will open an enormous amount of time for me. I won't have to worry about studying, going to class, etc. This means I will have so much more time to dedicate to the things I have become passionate about, my photography, my writing, and my Roses from Rosalynn! I am so excited.
I am attempting to build my photography portfolio. I am testing out all categories: newborn, family, engagement, senior, and maternity photos. I have had no problem getting family, senior and baby shoots. In fact, I have four senior shoots this week and one newborn shoot. I am over the moon excited. However, probably because I have been trying to avoid pregnant bellies for months now, there does not seem to be a pregnant woman around anywhere. They have all disappeared and the ones that are pregnant are not going to be ready for pictures for 20-30 weeks. That's a long time to wait.

My goal is to have five solid shoots in each category prior to charging people. I can really tell the progression of my own pictures, it is really amazing. I am taking my very first formal class this spring. I have been learning from my mentor and others, reading books and doing my own research, but I feel there is a certain amount of natural talent you have to have, the rest is all technical details like lighting. My mentor has offered to allow me to use his studio at no cost, as long as I don't charge my subjects. He is going to teach me how to use all the lighting and equipment, and as soon as I start charging, I can rent it out by the hour.

Foster jumped on the bandwagon this weekend. He compiled a slide show of all of my shoots thus far (I am going to TRY and figure out a way to download it on here:-). He also designed business cards for me. You are probably wondering how can I have a business card if I haven't even named my business. Thanks to my brilliant aunt, she came up with the perfect name: "Irish Eyes Photography". I checked so far, and there is only one Irish Eyes Photography, and it is in Maryland and they don't seem to have the rights to it, so I hope we will be able to gain rights through the State Commerce. I think it fits perfectly! It makes me smile, because my grandmother used to sing "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" to me when I was little, and Foster thinks I have the most beautiful green Irish eyes.

So, come one, come all and let these Irish Eyes capture some precious moments!

Baby Pictures of an Infertility Miracle!

A real life friend of mine recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. this couple had been trying for two years to have a child. I won't go into details, but if you hear everything that had happened to her, including a partial hysterectomy, she had little to no chance of getting pregnant and having a child. We met through a mutual friend, and after only meeting for the second time, I was pregnant by "accident". Now that I am all to familiar with the  pain that creeps up into your heart when everyone around you is pregnant, and you are struggling, I realize how much it must have hurt "Mrs. H" to know I wasn't even trying and got blessed. I would have never known how much she was hurting, because she never gave a hint to her silent pain. She was so supportive and caring. She even attended Rosalynn's funeral.

Well, a few days after the funeral, Mrs. H found out she was expecting a little miracle for herself. Just as her and her husband had decided to give up and realize they may have to be happy with just a family of two, God blessed them. Yes, they are one of those stories about just when you "stop thinking about it, it happens". It took them almost 2 years to get to this point. She was trying EVERYTHING except IVF. She did acupuncture, special diets, herbs, tinctures, shamans....well, maybe not, but she did go through the gammon, spent a TON of money, and had no success. After giving up, 9 months later they said hello to beautiful Baby H!

Last weekend I had the honor of photographing this beautiful baby boy along with my best friend, his aunt, "Joe" from this post. She made the trip to visit her nephew, and I was so excited to capture some of the moments! So without further ado, welcome the new little miracle Baby H:

Also, this is my first shoot with the new antique baby scale!!! i think the pictures came out great!!

Look at how he looks at his Aunt "Joe"...he LOVES her!!!

Auntie Erin Loves him too!

How cute is HE!?!?!?

I LOVE baby yawns!!!!

First pic w/ scale! I love it!

Baby  parts:-) a great way of making a collage!

Such a sweet face!!!

Had to do my "rings on feet" pictures....i think this will be a staple with any baby shoot, unless the parent hate it of course!

Come On...I KNOW There are ALOT of You Out There

Yes, I do know there are a lot of you out there that regularly click on my link and read my story and don't leave comments. I know this for a fact, because with the new statistics tracking here on Blogger, it informs me that I have at least 150-200 visitors to my blog a day from here and facebook. Now, don't feel bad, I do this often. Heck, I follow over 100 blogs and honestly, do not have the time to read AND comment on every single one of them. However, today is the day to break that pattern! Today is International Delurking Day. So come out my stalkers wherever you are and reveal yourselves!

You don't have to leave your life story, just pop in and say "hi".I do have one favor. I have been having issues with topics to write about. I have been so busy with school and work,that my mind has been drawing blanks , so let me know if there is anything you would like to know about me that I have not already covered, or just give me a good prompt or topic to write about, especially if you are a new follower. Help me get my cerative juices flowing again!

1 of 52 and Senior Picture Shoot

Two days ago I had an amazing photo shoot with a beautiful lady. If you remember the "Clone Family", their daughter had already had senior pictures done, but she really didn't like how they came out. Her mom asked me if I had some time to take some photos. Of course I said yes!! I love any excuse to take pictures!

We got together on Tuesday, and it was a beautiful evening. The lighting was perfect, the temperature was a comfortable 40 degrees, and my model looked stunning! I had already picked out a few spots. There is an old abandoned caboose out by the park near my house. We worked the pictures around some of the trash that had  been dumped there, and I think we did a great job. She was such a trooper. The train tracks were a great spot to symbolize the journey she is about ready to take into college. At one point I had my head laying right on the track to get a certain angle, and I told her jokingly, "You better watch my back, or this could end badly!" We had so much fun.

Since the first challenge for my 52 photos of 2011 was black and white, I decided to use a couple of the pictures I turned black and white.

And here is the rest of the colored pictures! I LOVE how they came out!! Send me your kids for senior pictures this year!! 

 

**Remember, all of these pictures are mine, and I took them, please respect that, and don't take them unless you ask permission***