12 Week Appointment and First MFM Meeting

As the U/S tech prepared the wand my heart started pounding. I always get so nervous that there won't be a heartbeat. But sure enough, a few seconds, and there it was!! Flickering away!! Baby jumped and and moved all over the place. It still blows my mind how much detail is seen when baby is only 2 inches long. Big forhead just like Ava, skinny arms and legs with hands and feet. It was hanging around upside down when we first started watching, so we got ot wait a while until he/she decided to lay on their back so the tech could get the measurements for the trisomy testing.

So far all the major issues that could be picked up this early are in the clear. Baby has a brain, all arms and legs, etc:-) The neck and nose measurements point towards no Trisomy problems. Next in depth scan is on Feb 3rd (where we will also find out the sex.

NOW.....you know me, I have all sorts of tests and theories on sex prior to finding out. I had the tech zoom in a bit to examine the "nub". She says she is really good at guessing gender with it. So she was 85-90% we are having a............

You will have to wait and see;-) LOL. (Adam and I are planning the gender reveal sequel to the pregnancy announcement). And we will confirm for sure sex here in a couple weeks.

I will post a picture, and you are all welcome to guess if you are good at reading nubs;-)

So after talking with the High Risk Doc, here is what we know, and our plans for this pregnancy:

Looking back at old labs, I was FOUR POINTS from having pre-eclampsia with Ava (My #s were 296 and Pre-E is 300). I turned in my 24 hour urine for analysis the day we gave birth to her. So the odds are if given a few more days, I would have developed Pre-E with her. In order to help prevent this from happening again, I have been put on a low dose aspirin, and will be getting a baseline 24 hr urine now.

We already did a gestational diabetes test at 10 weeks and I tested negative. But because I had it with Ava, we will be testing again around 18 weeks, then again at 24 weeks.

I will have an U/s every 4 weeks between now and 28 weeks, then every week to monitor amniotic fluid levels, since that was our reason for delivering Ava so early.

We will start non stress tests around 28-30 weeks twice a week.

DELIVERY AT 35 weeks (End of May).

I might as well set up a cot at my doctor's office;-) lol

I thank God every day that I have a team that is truly willing to do EVERYTHING possible to have this baby here and alive.

Here is my adorable, tiny babe:

Nerves are Setting In: 12 weeks

12 weeks:
Symptoms: Nausea in the morning with vomiting most mornings. Exhaustion, sore boobs, and need to pee ALL THE TIME. My gums have started bleeding again while brushing (I had this issue with both girls)

Food cravings/aversions: The problem is nothing sounds good. I eat for my health and the baby's, but i am having no real cravings, and I will cook something, then only take a few bites. 

Gender: Won't know for a while, but finally have names picked out: Fitzgerald Rose or Philippa Rose

Belly button in or out: Still in 

Stretch marks: TONS of old ones from Rosalynn and Avaleen, Really can't tell if there are new ones. I LITERALLY look like a zebra from my 2 girls. 

What I miss: My wedding rings. I had to take them off a lot earlier this time. I miss wine and sushi. lol but those things are easy to give up when you think of the end result. 

What I am looking forward to:
The scan tomorrow to see little bit is ok, and thriving. 

SOOOOOO close to the end of the first trimester! I know we have seen this babe 3 times, twice with a strong heartbeat, but I get soooo nervous before each ultrasound. Tomorrow we go in for the 12 week scan.The one where they take measurements to decide baby's risk for Downs Syndrome and other Trisomy disorders. 

Of course genetic issues are a worry. I help with a WONDERFUL ministry that assists perinatal hospice pregnancies (fatal diagnosis pregnancies) Sufficient Grace. I have seen it all. I am ALL too aware of all the problems that can arise. Neural Tube defects, anomalies there are no cures for, heart and kidney defects. UGH! Sometimes I wish I DIDN"T know so much. 

But then there is the fear that they will put the wand on my stomach and there is no HB. I have unfortunately heard those words when gestationally the odds were in our favor. This past week there have been NUMEROUS girls in my support group go in for their 12 week scan and baby had passed.

We get to meet with the High Risk doctor tomorrow as well and discuss the care plan. I am excited about this, and will update you all when we have information. 

Please just send prayers for peace in my heart, that baby is ok and healthy, and that we make it to the next milestone (2nd trimester). 

"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God. 

7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

What is in a Name?!?! Boy and Girl Name Revealed!!

Oh what is in a name? It is a HUGE decision a parent has to make for their child. Unless they go through the legal process of changing it, a child has to live with their name for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. ----No Pressure;-)

Foster and I put a lot of thought into the names we choose. We want them to be strong names for adults, but have a cute nickname for when children.

Rosalynn Patricia (Liam David had she been a boy): We wanted an Irish name, but I have ALWAYS loved my sister's middle name (Rose). Even though she HATED IT! Patricia is my mother's name. Rose in Gaelic is "Roshin", or "my little Rose", but the English translation is Rosaline. We liked Rosalynn better:-) Nickname: ROSIE

Liam we just really liked, and being the gaelic shortened version of "William", it means "Protector". Fitting for the oldest son.

Avaleen Rose (Would have been a Declan Rose if a boy); OBVIOUS where we got the middle names from.
Avaleen is the pheonetic version of the Gaelic name Aibhlinn, but i figured NO ONE would know how to properly pronounce it, so we spelled it phonetically. It means "Much Prayed for Child" Which if you followed this blog through the pregnancy with her, you know she was VERY much prayed for by all!!

Declan Rose: Liam had started to really take off as a popular name, so we opted to change the boy's name. Since I didn't give Foster a choice on the girl's name, I let him choose the boy's. This was before Revenge ever aired, and he chose it because there was a rugby player with the name. LOL. I looked up the meaning: Man of prayer, Full of goodness. I loved it:-) And although Rose was the middle name, "Declan Rose" had a very masculine, strong sound to it. My family wasn't THRILLED with the name at first, but then it grew on everyone. I STILL love it, but thank you Revenge for making it the fastest rising name for boys in 2012-2015.

So what are we naming this little one? Well if she is a girl, she will be named after my Granny who Rosalynn is buried with.

Granny and I were EXTREMELY close. She was my soulmate, my best friend, my right hand woman. We were two peas in a pod. I have always wanted to name a girl after her, BUT she HATED her name. She threatened me that if I ever named  a daughter after her, she would haunt me till the day I died. Not only did she hate her name, she HATED the nick name everyone called her. BUT thanks to one very famous British sister, I found an appropriate nickname that Granny would have LOVED.

Philippa Rose: Phillippa was Granny's name, and there was a whole story behind how she received it. Her friends called her Phil. She HATED both. But THANK YOU Pippa Middleton!! If anyone wasn't aware, her real name is Philippa. So when I read that in People magazine, I was about 7 months pregnant with Ava. I WANTED to change her name sooooo bad, but had already become attached to Avaleen. So I vowed over 4 years ago, that if we had another girl, we would name her Phillippa, and call her Pippa for short.

Foster and I had SUCH a hard time picking a name for a boy. We loved Philip in honor of my Granny, I don't think we plan on having anymore children, because it is SOOOOO difficult on me. With so many losses, and hard pregnancies, I am not sure I can go through it again. But we haven't decided if we are going to make it permanent. If my docs advise after 3 c-sections that it is unsafe for me to have more, we will make it permanent, and he will be named Philip David. If they say we can have more, we will see, and then I don't want to use Philip, because if the next one is a girl, she will obviously be Phillippa. So we had to have another name lined up. We went back and forth, back and forth. But FINALLY settled on a GREAT name!! I actually love it, and it makes me excited to have a boy. (I get excited when I have a name picked out, but am anxious for the sex I don't have a name for until then).

Fitzgerald (middle name TBD: Rose is top contender): We would call him Fitz for short!! I LOVE IT!! LOL. I love it more than Liam and Declan!!

This is such a fun part of being pregnant, but truly a stressful part. I am glad Foster and I were able to agree on both names with no big arguments;-)

SO what will this baby be?!?!?! A Pippa or a Fitz?!?!? Now I am truly excited to find out!!!

Gender Predictor #2

Another fun gender prediction test people look at is the Chinese calendar. I did this one for Ava, and posted it HERE Obviously, from her post, the calendar said she would be a boy, yet it said Rosie was going to be a girl. 

I entered in my info to this website: 

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/chart/pred.html

It is hard because we physically conceived end of September/beginning of October. So for the sake of the test, I said October because if the typical woman ovulates 14 days into her cycle, I would have conceived in October. 

So according to the site, I am having a BOY. 

So as of right now, the odds remain 50/50 between the 2 tests. 

Boy: 50%

Girl: 50%

Baby Nora, Ava Gets Practice for Being a Big Sister

I mentioned in a previous post that my sister, Bug had a BABY!! Yep, that's right, my little, baby sister is a mom. And I am TOTALLY IN LOVE!!!!

I feel a special bond with little Miss Nora because I was able to be IN the OR when my sister had her c-section. Kate was there for me when Ava was born, and I was able to be in with her!! I was the 4th person to hold Nora, and she looked at me like she recognized my voice when I said "Hi" for the first time:-)

Ava is OBSESSED. She asks regularly when we get to see "Baby Nora" and talks about how she is going to be baby Nora's best friend. Ava has really stepped up to the plate of being a big cousin, and getting a lot of good practice on what is to come. We watch Nora every Tuesday so my sister can sleep after working the night shift. She lays on the play mat with Nora, and makes her stop crying by singing "OOO EE OOO AHH AHH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG". LOL We are convinced those will be Nora's first words because Ava has been singing them to her since birth, and it actually makes her stop crying and smiles at Ava every time. She will read to Nora, and play with her toys with her. It is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. It makes me SOOOO excited to see Ava as a big sister.

Ava and this baby will be about the same age difference as Bug and I. We are a little over 4 years apart. I remember the day Bug was born. I loved her from day one, and I cannot imagine my life without her. I pray that Ava and this baby have the same bond!

So without further ado, here are some pictures of my beautiful niece! For the record, she was one of the most difficult newborns I have ever photographed. She has not liked to sleep since the day she was born!! LOL

**all photos taken by me:-)**

Gender Prediction Test #1: Ramzi Method

If you all followed me through Ava's pregnancy, I did about 8 of these. They were a lot of fun, and between the tests and old wives tales, Ava was 87% girl;-)

This one is fun, because it can be done EARLY in pregnancy. Best done with the 6-8 week u/s. It is based off of the theory that you can tell the sex by the  placement of the PLACENTA in the uterus. The theory is if a boy, then the placenta will form on the right side of the sac, and if a girl the left. Now, you have to remember, if you get an abdominal u/s, the image is mirrored, so left is right and right is left. If you get a baginal u/s then it is true to what you see on the screen, right is right and left is left.

If you see the u/s picture, you can see a dark thick part right outside the sac bottom right. Since this was an abdominal u/s, left is right and right is left. So by Ramzi method, little bean is a GIRL.

** remember, these are done strictly for fun, I don't hold much in these theories, and I will be thrilled with whatever we have!!!**

Boy: 0

Girl: 1

It Wouldn't Be A Foster Pregnancy If it Was Normal- Here We Go Again Part II

So of COURSE it wouldn't be a Foster pregnancy if there weren't some bumps. 

Since we had had 2 early losses, my Dr. Wanted to keep an eye on the pregnancy as early as possible to give us a heads up of impending m/c or to ease our minds. With Ava we did the same thing. I had my first u/s at 6w4d and saw her tiny heartbeat. So when my doc wanted me to have my first u/s at 6w2d, I was hopeful to see SOMETHING. If no heartbeat yet, at least a fetal pole, yolk sac, something. Well, unfortunately, there was only a sac. No yolk, no fetal pole, no heartbeat. And I was only measuring 5w5d. 

We were a bit devastated. We had been down this road twice already. Empty sacs, and measuring behind. Both ended poorly. My doc wanted me to come back in 7 days to check if it was another loss, or if baby grew. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be in town in 7 days, and the first date we both had available was nov 17th, my birthday. 

My doctor was hesitant. She wanted to know if I really wanted to risk bad news on my birthday. I thought about it, and realized Nov 17th had been a lucky date. It was Ava's original due date. It was also the date we found out my sister was pregnant with baby Nora (I will do a separate post about my beautiful niece). So I figured let's do it. It would either be the best birthday gift ever, or a really bad day, and Foster could take me out for dinner and drinks after. 

Immediately after the appointment, I had to head out to South Carolina to celebrate a friend of mine as she got married to the man of her dreams. 8 hr drive I almost didn't do after the not so great news. I sat in the parking lot in the midst of an internal struggle with myself:

Not go, and crawl into my bed for the next 12 days. Surely Amber would understand if I didn't come. But then again she may be sad if I didn't show up. I tend to get anti social and want to hide when things get tough. I honestly think it is a habit I acquired after losing Rosie. I could escape reality into the safe place of my home, and not have to face life.

Or I could suck it up and go, see some old friends, make some new ones, get my mind off the situation, and hope to have fun. 

I sat in that parking lot for about 1.5 hrs. Until the clock ran down to the minute I HAD to leave in order to make the rehearsal dinner. 

I went. The ENTIRE 8 hours I prayed. I had the radio on Christian radio stations (thank you XM) and rotated between music and scripture. Praying, crying, singing, pleading, and even accepting His decision if this baby was not going to make it. It was cathartic and exactly what I needed. 

Thanks to a major traffic jam 20 mins from my destination, I was about 15 mins late for the rehearsal dinner, but ended up making it! The food was great, and the company was even better. If you remember me talking about my friend Laura in this post: http://journeyoflifeandluv.blogspot.com/2013/09/virginia-beach-mini-vaca-photos-photos.html?m=1

She was there, and it had been forever since we had seen each other. And of course in true Erin fashion I met a new friend, Crystal who is also a photographer and we hit if off. After chatting with her, it came out very early that Crystal has experienced a lot of loss as well, and we were able to connect. 

Overall the weekend was a success. It was a beautiful wedding, I got to geek out a little with my photographer friends, and it kept my mind off of the stress for 3 days. But something interesting happened the first night I was sleeping. 

I has a VIVID dream. We went to a u/s tech place that had better machine. They were able to zoom in really far, and there was a little peanut waving at me. As clear as day, a little voice said "I am ok mommy". I woke up from my dream with a sense of peace. Like it was the sign I had begged God for in the 8 hour trip. 

Sure enough, on Nov 17th, at 1:30 in the afternoon, my doctor started the u/s, and the first thing she saw was a heartbeat!!! It was the most amazing feeling!!! And to top it off, we were measuring exactly on track at 7w6d! It was indeed a VERY happy birthday!!!! 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and 

lean not on your own understanding;"

Proverbs 3:5

Here We Go Again!!! And A COOL Video!!PART 1

Wow!!! It has been a while!!! Life is life, it gets busy, especially while running 2 businesses, and raising a child.
Avaleen is doing amazing,

and I hope to be sharing LOTS of pictures and updates over the next 9 months. Why 9 months?!?!?!

WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!!

After 3 years of trying, 2 miscarriages (one Christmas of 2013, and one this past June 2015), meds that did more harm then good, and lots of prayer, Baby Foster #5 is on his or her way.

I used to write on this blog almost daily, and my long time friends and family will be familiar with this blog, but for those of you who I have met over the past couple years while this blog stayed dormant, browse, start at the beginning if you want to see why this little slice of personal space was started. But I warn you, bring tissues. It is sad, happy, dark, difficult, but through it all, there is hope, faith, love, and rainbows.

For those who have followed for years, and missed my ramblings, I am glad to be back, and will be doing the same for this baby as I did for Ava. Using this space to keep track and document this all too scary ride called pregnancy.

Unfortunately, as a baby loss mother, I know too well that a positive pregnancy test does NOT equal a living, screaming baby. Rosie taught me this, but she also taught me to embrace every moment, and be grateful for the time I DO have. This little nugget is already loved, and will be loved for every moment of its life weather that is for 10 weeks, or 80 years!!

So, how far?
10 weeks this Wednesday. We found out we were pregnant on Rosalynn's half birthday (Oct 20th).

How am I feeling?

Like utter crap. Pregnancy is not glamorous. This time I have morning/all day nausea and sickness, exhaustion, and OH migraines. This is a new symptom I have never had with either of my girls. I think it is a way for God to laugh at me and force me to take it easy. I am at the tail end of busy season for my photography business, and the migraines have put me a bit behind. I cannot do anything when i have one, much less stare at a computer screen for hours, and while most think the life of a photographer is glamorous,  80% is spent in front of the computer.

BUT although I feel like crap, I will take it!! Because the last 2 pregnancies I had very little symptoms, and they dissipated quickly, and the pregnancies both ended before I ever got to see a heartbeat.

What is the plan?

With Ava I was strictly with High Risk/Maternal Fetal Medicine. This time we are going to keep them as consulting and stay with my regular OBGYN. But the plan so FAR is to still deliver around 35 weeks. We will see how that goes.

Well, this is a long post, and I could go on further, but I will leave you with this, our video short film pregnancy announcement!!! Starring miss Avaleen;-)

On our next update: first U/S pics, first gender prediction test,  and pictures of the soon to be big sister:-)

PS: waiting to get my old blog template back, so please disregard the temporary one:-)