Annual Trip to DC

I mentioned before that Foster and I have made a tradition. The past 3 years we have gone on a romantic trip to our nation's capital. There is something extra special about being a soldier and seeing all of the history behind our country and being in the middle of everything we are fighting for.

We were doing really well on timing on our trip there until we hit the mountains.

BLIZZARD!!!

Traffic was AWFUL!!!

We only had 120 miles left to go, but it took us 4 hours!!! We were really bummed, because we were supposed to get military tours of the Pentagon, it is a little better than the civilian tours, because they take you to a few different places, and plus, Foster's friend worked there, so we would get to see him there. Instead, we net him out for dinner when he got off work. Foster and he played rugby together in college, and he went through the program Foster is debating applying to in the Army. It was a lot of shop-talk, but it was nice to meet him and get a glimpse of Foster's past.

Later that night we made our yearly trip to the National Christmas Tree. We had our picture taken with Santa, and that night pictures were open to all age groups!

this was taken with our camera, we have the copy of the real one taken

We were so excited! We got some beautiful pictures, headed back to the hotel, had a few glasses of wine, and headed to bed. We had a full day planned for Friday, and had to start early.

Our first full day was packed. We had a tour of the Library of Congress. I would have to say it is the most beautiful building in DC. I have been to nearly all the buildings, and the art and architecture of the library beats them all hands down. Here are just a few pictures.

After the library, we were off to our state representative's office. We had a congressional tour scheduled of the Capitol building. I got to talking to the aid about submitting my letter to Congress about changing stillbirth leave and she gave me great advice, so after the lame duck session is over, and our new members take office, I will be sending my letter.

We sat in on both a House and Senate session, and I was really disappointed that the Bush tax cuts had already been voted on, because I was hoping we would catch the vote, but it had passed at midnight the night prior. Too bad, that would have been real history in the making. Foster really enjoys watching the sessions, because he feels like he is actually taking part in our government. I think we all take it for granted, and maybe instead of complaining all the time about our politicians and the decisions they make, more citizens should take advantage of the fact that this is still our nation, and we can be a part of it! Even if it is only as spectators from the balcony.

Before heading back to the hotel, we had time to take the metro to one of our favorite spots. The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. I took a TON of pictures, but here are just a few.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Each time we go, I find new beauty in this place. I was thrilled because once again we were there right after the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. If you remember, I mentioned that Foster and I got married on her feast day, 12/12. She holds a special place in my heart. She is also one of the "pregnant" Marys. The bow around her waist signifies she is pregnant with Jesus. We stopped in her shrine, I lit a candle, and said a few prayers to God for Rosie, our future children, and asked for Mary's intercession. I searched for the perfect necklace of her, but I failed miserably. I had one image in mind, and was really disappointed the the Basilica did not have a nice necklace. I wanted a necklace before we get pregnant again, because I was hoping to wear one through the next pregnancy for a little extra hope and faith that Mary would help watch over us next round. I know, it sounds like one of those "goofy Catholic things", but it brings me reassurance and piece of mind, so please don't criticize.

I even tried to find one at the local holiday bizarre, and came close, but the artist said he would make a custom designed piece for me. It would cost close to $200, but if I couldn't find something else, I would be willing to pay it.

That evening we went to our favorite restaurant in DC. Honestly, I don't even know the name of it, but it specializes in Greek and Lebanese food. They are  unique in the fact that each plate is small portions. Enough for two or three bites for each of us. We ordered 6 different plates ranging from lamb to veal sweetbread. Most of the dishes were amazing. Foster and I were not too fond of the duck we ordered, but hey, we only had to have 3 bites of it. We had a few drinks, but saved the dessert for the hotel. My "cake lady", as she has so fondly been named by family and friends, made our anniversary cake. Cake Lady is a nurse practitioner in my ER, and she makes cakes as a hobby. She took on the challenge of making her first wedding cake for my big day. It was BEAUTIFUL!!! However, the top was a little too big to freeze and save for a whole year. It would have taken up the entire freezer and we would have had no place to put meet and such. So, she agreed last year to make us a 1 year anniversary cake. Instead of recreating the original flavors, Foster wanted to have German Chocolate cake, so we did. It was AMAZING!!!!

We toasted to our first year of marriage, ate, and made the big plans I had been looking forward to the whole trip, meeting my best buddy from my online support group.

We were supposed to meet them in Baltimore, but we found out Friday night that the MARC train does not run on Saturday and Sundays. We were really disappointed, because we had no back up plan. However, Mrs. Strength and her hubby said they would take the two hour trip into DC because that is how much she wanted to see me! I was so relieved, because I had been looking forward to this encounter for weeks, and was seriously crying at the thought of not being able to meet this amazing woman in person.

Since our plans for Baltimore were scratched, Foster and I decided to go see the war memorials again. Last time I went, it was dark and raining. This time it was cold, but at least I could see everything, and I could take my time because I wasn't trying to stay dry. There is something so surreal about standing amongst these memorials that were raised in honor of the soldiers who fought and died for this country.

I love how you can see the Washington Monument reflection in the Vietnam wall!

Dave goofing off and joining the men in line during the Great Depression

He is all proud of himself because he cut in front of everyone! lol

I HAD to pose with the women in the military monument!!

After a lot of walking around, we stopped by the Smithsonian of American History to check out the First Ladies' Dresses since the exhibit was closed last time we went and then it was off to see Mr. and Mrs. Strength.

I was afraid Foster would be uncomfortable because he can be weird around strangers, but he actually was really talkative. He seemed to really hit is off with Mr.Strength, and started getting a little TOO talkative after a few too many beers. Oh well, we were on vacation.

Unfortunately, after about thirty minutes of being there, Mrs. Strength started to feel nauseated and light headed. She was not feeling well at all. I was worried for her, and felt really bad, because she had made such a long trip and was not even able to enjoy her meal. We made the best of the circumstances, and it was just great to spend time with her in person for once. We talk on the phone all the time and text back and forth, but just getting to sit next to her was awesome.

My best buddy!!

Before leaving DC on Sunday, Foster and I headed back to the Basilica for Sunday mass. It was awe inspiring. Such a beautiful setting for mass! I said a little prayer while we were there to God to help us conceive, but if we were not pregnant this month, I asked that He not get my hopes up, and let my monthly visitor show up on time. No joke, as soon as I stepped out of the pew, she showed up!! How funny is that?!?! I guess it just goes to show that I am not in control of any of this. It is all in Gods hands, and Foster and I will do what we have to, but we are going to have to put faith in God that he knows the right timing for Rosie's sibling.

Here is my favorite picture I took:

Erin Takes on Washington and the Literary World

Well, the ugly face of third shift living has reared its ugly head. I went to bed with Foster around ten p.m. after sleeping from 10am to 230pm. I woke up at 2am unable to sleep anymore, so I figured I would give you an update.

A few very exciting things are going on, hence why I have not been around quite a much. I have been so busy writing "other things", that unfortunately my blog has taken a slight back seat.
First, I have mentioned that I am getting a policy changed where I work, and I got a phone call that it had made it up through numerous boards, and they all agree that there needs to be a change. They want me to write a letter explaining why I feel the way I do about the issue, my experience, and what I think should be changed about the policy. I mentioned that I was going to be pursing the change in the National Guard policy too, and they said to add this information in my letter. They also suggested that although it is not necessary, that it would benefit me to have the backing of one of my state representatives. So I have started preparing my first letter to a politician. This is a little scary for me, because I am very aware from being in the military, that there is a certain standard to letters of this nature. SO I called in reinforcements. I have mentioned my friend "Mrs. Roma" in previous entries. He father is a long time politician in our home town, and she has had a recent experience with writing a letter to her congressman, so she knows the ropes. She has agreed to review my letter after I write it, give me some pointers, give it to her father to look over, and then I will send it in to the recommended representatives who will be most willing to support my mission. This takes a huge weight off of my shoulders, and appreciate her offer in the midst of her extremely hectic life.

One other project I have written for, is a beautiful website founded by a fellow baby loss mommy. It is facesofloss.blogspot.com. I combined the four main blogs that make up Rosie's story, and submitted it to her project. It looks AMAZING, and for those of you who do not know the entire story, you can find it here.

Third, I have been inspired to jump head first back into writing my book. I have received so many wonderful comments from followers, friends and family that I have a gift. I guess I never really thought there was anything spectacular about my writing skills, because I just write what I know, how I feel, and what I have experienced. However, one friend mentioned that one of the greatest books of all time was written from true life experience, To Kill A Mockingbird. So, why not? It would honestly be a sin to waste a gift that God has given me. I am nervous, and honestly terrified to put my work out there to be critiqued by professionals, so occasionally I may post an excerpt on here for all of you to give me feedback. It is completely different than writing on this blog. This has served as an outlet, a form of therapy for me since the loss of my daughter. All of you read it, but I do not feel as if it is something to be scrutinized because it is just my thoughts and memories down on paper. However, I will never succeed in truly reaching millions of people unless I go out on a limb and try. So her it goes, I might as well. I have 2 months until school starts back up, so I am going to utilize the time while I have it. I am going to have to try my hardest to set aside at least an hour a day to dedicate strictly to the book, so unfortunately, my blog may take a hit because of this.

Fourth, I am proud to say I will officially be published for the very first time sometime after August. Foster and I are taking a trip to Austin in August for a National Guard Conference that we attended last year in Nashville. This conference is near and dear to our heart for a few reasons. Last year Foster and i got engaged during this conference, conceived Rosie around this time, and Mr. and Mrs. Prince conceived Baby Prince here. So you can understand why I am excited to go. I attend as a spouse, not as a soldier, Foster is the soldier at this event. However, I have a more important role this year. Instead of just looking good on Foster's are at the social event, he has volunteered me, and the board agreed to allow me to write up about the conference through the eyes of the spouse. I am so honored that Foster would consider this, because it just shows how supportive he is of one of my dreams, and that the organization agreed. It is only going to be an article in the National Guard publication, but I am thrilled that I will officially get to see my writing put into print other than my computer screen. Who knows, maybe this will open more doors and motivate me even more.

There are so many amazing things going on and it is bitter sweet. None of this would come to fruition if not for the death of my Rosie, however, there is nothing more I want than her to be here to witness all of this. The one comfort I have is that she is watching me from heaven, rooting me on, and when I get up there and see her, I hope I have made her proud and given meaning to her death.

Changing the World One Policy at a Time!

As I have mentioned numerous times, I am in the Ohio Army National Guard. I joined a little over 2 years ago while Foster was deployed. He inspired me. He really enjoyed his experience, his college was paid for, and he was thriving in the military. It really motivated me and made me want to put on the uniform also. I figured the perfect time for me to join is while he was deployed because it would help make the time pass faster, and would make me keep busy and keep my mind off of the fact that he was putting himself in harms way.

I thought for sure it was meant to be. I went into the recruiting office and specifically told them what I wanted to do and what bonuses I wanted. I wanted my $20,ooo bonus, I wanted them to pay for my school, pay off my student loans I had already accrued, and I wanted to get the kicker for the GI Bill. I specifically wanted to be a "combat medic", and was really disappointed when I saw "Health Care Specialist" as the explanation of the job. However, after further explanation from the recruiter, they have to use Health Care Specialist for two reasons. One, women cannot hold combat related jobs, and two, it sounded more appealing, aka, it tricked people into picking it. I breezed through the ASVAB, which is the aptitude test to enter, and came out with a score of a 97 which is extremely high. I made it through my physical with advice to lose a few pounds to make basic training easier. I told my recruiter I NEEDED to leave by May 21st in order to return home in time to prepare for Foster's return from Iraq. Most of my friends who had recently joined were not given ship dates until July, however, both my recruiter and I were SHOCKED when the lottery picked a ship date of May 20th. He had never seen anyone literally pick their ship date. I felt it was meant to be.

I worked really hard to get into shape. I diligently ran every day, preparing myself for the 2 mile run in the PT test. I practiced push-ups and sit-ups to get ready for those. I wanted to succeed and even excel in the Army.

I shipped out on May 20th for basic training and endured a grueling 60 days of getting yelled at, "smoked", and writing letters in order to communicate with my boyfriend in the "sandbox". I then went to AIT in San Antonio, TX. It was just as hard, if not worse than initial basic training, but at least I was able to have my cell phone which meant Foster could call me whenever he had a moment. It was amazing to hear his voice again and to have his encouragement to do my best and achieve my goals. If you remember, I told the story of how I achieved the distinguished honor grad, and received my first Army medal while I was still in training.

When I got home from training, I was so motivated to join my unit and take it by storm. I just knew they would be proud of me for my accomplishments in training, be a great unit, and I would learn and teach as much as I could. I came back in the best shape of my life with a tremendous amount of confidence, and I expected that the National Guard would help me maintain this. I was expecting to get the amazing experience out of the guard as Foster had for almost 10 years. Boy was I in for a surprise.

Not only did my command not congratulate me on my accomplishments in training, they didn't even acknowledge them. I came back from training with pneumonia and was made to take a PT before they would promote me, even though I had just taken one and excelled in it the month prior. Unfortunately, I was unaware that I could have taken a pass due to the pneumonia, and tried to run the test but miserably failed. I couldn't breathe. Thanks to this, I was unable to get a promotion. Then there was a huge change of command and most of the personnel were switched out which changed the whole morale of the unit. Our new command was not well liked, so the motivation of the other soldiers was non-existent. I would go to drill on the weekend and instead of doing cool Army training, it seemed like everyone was just sitting around gossiping and texting on their phones. I became so frustrated with the entire scene. I should have gone active duty.

Then our unit got rumors of a deployment. We were told we would be leaving in April for Iraq. The morale started to change, and we actually started to conduct some pretty good training. We were given the funds for new equipment, more schools, and more activities. I was enrolled in ROTC to become an officer, so I would not be going on the deployment with them. However, when I found out I was pregnant, my plans for my military career were cut short. Foster is in a rapid deployment unit with little notice when called. He is unable to be outside a certain radius of his base and we do not have a family care plan that covers a call at 4 am if I am out of town for training or a deployment and he is home alone with the kids. So we decided it would be best for me to take the honorable discharge due to pregnancy. This would give me the option to reenlist 2 years following my discharge if I chose to.

I started asking my chain of command for the paper work and regulations that helped me get the process rolling, however, no one seemed to know anything about the pregnancy "out". With the hustle and bustle of the upcoming deployment, I feel like I was kind of brushed under the rug. I feel like I was almost snubbed because I got pregnant before a deployment. But I was already not going because of ROTC, and it wasn't like I did it on purpose, I was on birth control when it happened. I had to do the research on my own, get the paperwork printed up through a Sergent who was not in charge of doing so, and hunt my commander down to counsel me and get my discharge started. All of this SHOULD have been done earlier on in the pregnancy, and I SHOULD have been out by now. To top things off, they were not treating me like a pregnant soldier. they still made me go to the weapons range and fire a M16 while on my stomach fo 3 hours while I was 12 weeks pregnant and wearing about 20-30 lbs of gear. They threw me in the kitchen where I was on my feet for 8 hours straight, and made me ride in Humvees that shook me around like a baby rattle. I am not blaming the Army for the loss of my daughter, but I find it interesting that the bleeding started only a few days after the weapons range incident.
I finally got all of the paper work signed and sent up to higher headquarters on April 18, 2010. Well, we lost Rosie 2 days later. According to Regular Army regulation, if a woman loses a child 16 weeks gestation or after, than she still has the option of getting out of the military. This is an obvious regulation, because the emotional strain and mental anguish that goes along with losing a child takes over your existence, and is not conducive to being a good soldier. However, I guess the Ohio Army National guard does not agree with this. they claim if you lose the child, you are still enlisted, and your discharge orders are cancelled. So, my discharge was supposed to be April 28, 2010, and now it has been cancelled. Period. End of story. Sorry, I get no choice in the matter.

To say I am a little stunned is an understatement. I cannot imagine who would think that losing a child would be any different for a woman in active duty and part time. I understand an active duty soldier is a soldier everyday, but National Guard soldiers are getting deployed left and right now a days, and we still have to train away from home. I would NOT be able to mentally handle a deployment right now. I would freak out if I had to leave my home and husband for that long. I cannot even imagine going to annual training for 2 weeks this August and being away from Foster and the safety of my home for that long. If I could take him with me, that might be a different story, but unfortunately, unlike his missions where I accompany him, he cannot go with me.

I had a meeting with my commander to go over everything that had happened wrong through this process, what could be done next time to rectify the situation, and what my future plans with the Guard are. If everything had been done properly, I would already be discharged, and would not have to deal with all of this. He acknowledged this, and apologized for the hold up with my paperwork. He said although it was not an excuse, the deployment and subsequent cancellation of the deployment took up so much of his and the command's attention, that they unintentionally let my situation slip through the cracks. However, being a Nurse Practitioner, he agreed with me and felt that the Guard regulation pertaining to stillbirths was very disturbing, and he is going to bring it up at the next big meeting. I told him I wanted to do everything I could to get that policy changed and give the women the option of still getting out if they so choose. He is 100% behind me. I do not know exactly how it will effect me, probably not at all, but at least no other woman will have to stress over the Army while they are grieving their child.
He has given me an excuse from annual training this summer, and is going to allow me to make it up by helping in the office for a couple of weeks. He also promised that as soon as I get pregnant next time, that he will personally help me with the paperwork and make sure I am out without any stress since my next pregnancy will be stressful enough. I don't know if I am completely satisfied with the outcome, but I am glad he apologized and I hope he does not make the same mistake with me or any other female soldier for that matter. I hope he learned from his mistakes. Until the next pregnancy, I will continue to try and be the best soldier I can be regardless of the lack of enthusiasm from the other members, and will TRY and make the best of the rest of my experience in the Guard, however, I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never have the amazing experience that Foster has had. Who knows what my future holds in the Army, Whether my path leads me to a career in the military, or I remain only military wife and give up my job as a soldier, I will embrace it with an open mind and open arms. I just wish that I still had the passion from when I was in training, and pray that my feelings about my unit and the Guard will change in the coming months.