Yes I have a Kissing Problem!

So I am wondering how after 6 months of marriage and 3 years of being together, my husband just now tells me that I make a "kissy noise" that annoys him. Prior to the moment he told me it annoyed him, I was totally unaware I even made this noise. If I want a kiss, I pucker my lips and make the "kissy noise" towards him which is then his cue to kiss me. I know, probably a little weird, maybe even a little childish, but as I said, I never noticed it before last night. Now I find I can't keep myself from making the noise. I guess the "Kissy noise" is ingrained in me, a habit, some kind of kissing addiction that I have gotten so used to that I am going to have to go through detox or a 12 step program in order to break. I am glad my darling husband so kindly did an intervention and pointed out that yes, I do have a problem. So, stage one, I admit I have the problem!

I am powerless over this addiction. I LOVE Foster's kisses, and want them as often as I can get them. I want them any where, any time I can get them. I was in front of my dad, and all of the sudden I find myself leaning in, making THE noise, wanting a kiss, "Honey! Your father is watching!" he exclaimed. But I didn't care who was around. Before meeting Foster, I was the poster child for anti-PDA, but now I can't help myself. Those perfect lips call me, and mine respond back with THAT noise.

Step two, I do believe there is a higher power that can restore me to sanity. Now HE just has to help me overcome this addiction. I vow to pray every night that He heals my lips and helps me find the strength to stop the "kissy noise."

At this point, I think I will jump to step seven. Don't judge, I like to do things MY way. I will humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. I don't think I am a bad kisser, I have never had complaints, but my shortcoming is I am an annoying kisser.

Step eight, make a list of all the people I have wronged and make amends. Well, this will be a little difficult. I am not sure if I still have all of my ex boyfriend's numbers. I could call them, and apologize for all of the annoying kissing they had to put up with, but how will I make amends? I highly doubt Foster would approve of me kissing old boyfriends without the "kissy noise" in order to make amends. Maybe I could send a kissing telegram. Do they have those?

Whew! Step nine says not to make amends if it will harm someone else. So since it would hurt my husband's feelings, I guess I am in the clear of kissing my ex boyfriends. Guess I will just send those telegrams.

Step ten, when you are wrong, admit it. Well, I am sure if I don't catch myself in the act, Foster will promptly remind me, and that is when I will promptly admit my mistake, and go in for a silent kiss.

Step 12, yes, I am skipping another step, mainly because I have nothing witty to say about step eleven. Step twelve, carry this message to other addicts. This blog is my way of reaching out to other annoying kissers. If you think you have a problem, just message me and I will help you through the twelve step program. I will gladly be your sponsor and help you stay on the wagon.

Now that I have mastered the twelve (minus a few) step program, I am well on my way to being the perfect kisser! Hopefully my husband will appreciate this, and kiss me when ever and where ever I want, even if my father is watching.

My Little Dancing Machine!

Rosie was a lucky little girl. She took part in more memorable occasions and important moments in my life, than most children get the opportunity to. She line danced, two-stepped, slow danced, and even did the Hammer Dance in her short time here on earth.

Little did Foster and I know at the time, but little Rosie was making herself comfortable inside of my belly the weekend we got engaged. We estimate that she was conceived a few days prior to our engagement weekend, so she was present when Foster got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. This is also the weekend we met the Princes. We had an amazing time in Nashville! We two-stepped and line danced to the music, dined at one of the best restaurants in town, and stayed in the top hotel accommodations in Nashville, The Gaylord Opryland Hotel. (This picture is when Rosie and I revisited the engagement site with Auntie Bug and Auntie JJ in Nashville.)

The weekend following our engagement, we took a mini vacation white water rafting in West Virginia. We jumped off thirty foot cliffs, camped out, rafted down the New Gully River, ate amazing food, and drank a little too much beer. I know, these are all activities that you are supposed to avoid while pregnant, but I still was unaware of my condition at this time. However, this is the weekend that I started to wonder if something was wrong. I noticed I was using the bathroom a lot more than usual, and after eating pizza the first night, I had more gas than a teenage boy. My husband is known to be the gassy one in our relationship, not me.

Approximately 2 weeks later is when I saw that little pink line materialize on the dip stick. At this point Foster and I had already set our wedding date for September 18th, 2010. We discussed the possibility of moving the date up, but decided to tell our parents first, and ask for their opinion. When we told Foster's family, his father responded with, "How did that happen?"

In which I replied, rather sarcastically, "I am not sure, another Immaculate Conception. Come on, do I HAVE to explain the birds and the bees to you?" This caused quite a bit of laughter, lightened the mood, and then the family talked about the wedding date. His family agreed with the idea of moving it up.

My mom's reaction was priceless too. I decided to tell her first, and then my dad. I bought her the Willow Tree figurine of the grandmother, and told her I had a belated birthday gift for her. "Oh, good!" She exclaimed, "I was wanting another one of....." her words trailed off as she realized what the figurine was. She looked at me with her mouth wide open in disbelief. After the initial shock wore off about ten minutes later, she responded "Well, if it was Bug I might be surprised, but we almost expected this sooner from Erin," we all started laughing, and it seemed like the whole family was happy and excited about this baby. First order of business, however, would be getting a wedding together in 3 months.


We moved the date up to December 12th 2009. This would mean that my little girl attended the happiest day of my life. She had front row, center seats to the uniting of her mom and dad. Sure, I was disapointed that Foster and I paid for an open bar, and I had to rely on others to drink my portion of the alcohol, but it was worth it to keep her healthy. I also tried my hardest in most of my pictures to hide my 16 week pregnant belly by placing my bouquet in front of the bump, but I do still have a few pictures where Rosie made herself known: (If you look close, you can see the baby bump.) Her and I danced with her father on the beautiful wooden dance floor. He spun us, dipped us, and whispered how much he loved me and how excited he was to become a father. I am so glad she got to take part in that beautiful day!

When Foster found out he was going to become a father, he decided he wanted to raise his family in the same church. Prior to this, Foster and I had attended the Catholic AND Protestant church, sometimes attending both in the same day. We were okay with this for a while, but had decided it would be easier for us as a family to attend one church. He decided he wanted to become Catholic. When he started the RCIA program, I decided I would go through the classes with him. I stopped receiving communion on Sunday, and and decided that when he took the Eucharist and his confirmation, is when we would take it for the first time as a family. April 4th, 2010 Rosie, Foster and I received the Body and Blood of Christ together, and she witnessed her father becoming Catholic. One of Rosie's favorite things was church. She would flip and roll and dance inside my belly whenever we would sing. I am so blessed that she got to take part in that spiritual journey with us!


Last, but not least, Rosie was a very special guest at her Aunt JJ's wedding. I was the matron of honor, and was EXTREMELY pregnant at this point. JJ had originally had her date set for a Saturday in May, but decided to move it up to March. Thank God for little blessings, because knowing Rosie went back up to heaven on the 20th of April, her wedding would have been extremely difficult for me to attend. However, since she moved the date up, both Rosie and I were present. We stood by JJ and Mr. JJ as they exchanged their vows. We also made a grand entrance by dancing to M.C. Hammer's "Hammertime." Just imagine the site of a 7.5 month pregnant woman Hammer dancing into the reception! Rosie and I spent most of the time on the sidelines with our feet propped, giving our portion of the beer to Foster, but we had a great time.

Although Rosie's dance through life was cut short, she definitely got to experience alot. These are moments I will cherish for a lifetime, and every time I look at pictures from these momentous occasions, I will smile and remember she was there with us.

Memorial Day Tribute

This weekend is a time to spend with friends and family. It is a time to have cookouts, pool parties, and a three day weekend. Please, let us not forget that the most important part of Memorial Day weekend is that it is a time for all Americans to take a moment and thank our soldiers for the sacrifice they make to keep this nation safe and free. Thank their family and loved ones also, because the biggest support of our soldiers is their family members. Fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, and children give up their time with their soldier and support him or her while they are thousands of miles away fighting for complete strangers.

For those of you who do not know, Foster and I are both in the Army. While pregnant, due to our unique situation, I was required to be discharged. It was devastating to me, because nothing makes me prouder than to put that uniform on and work with my fellow battle buddies. When we lost Rosie, I was able to stay in, for now. Although I have yet to be deployed, many of my friends and relatives have been over, some multiple times. Foster has served this country over seas twice. He makes me so proud, and I admire him for the strength it takes to be away from home, family and friends. He puts that uniform on every morning, and every morning I am filled with pride. I do not think I thank him enough for the sacrifices he makes for me, my family, and millions of strangers.


Regardless of personal views on the war, please take the time to thank a soldier. Take a moment and say a prayer for those who gave all, and the families of those who have lost a loved one.
Christine Miller, Lathrop, Emmons, Miller (Leanne), Gumbs, and all of my other buddies currently deployed, please return home safely, and thank you for keeping us safe. Ehbrecht, you will be forever missed.
"All gave some, some gave all"

Baptism and the Gift of the Holy Spirit

I did not think I would have the strength to write today, since it is our original Estimated Due Date. Whenever someone asked when I was due, "May 28th," was the response. However, I found some inspiration. On this day she was supposed to be born, I will tell you the story of when she was born to Christ and blessed with the Holy Spirit.

Following the C-section, I was rolled out of the OR with my doctor at my side. She was still crying and told me that as soon as I was more alert and Rosie was cleaned up, she would bring my daughter in to see me. I told her I did not want a single drop of pain medicine until after seeing her. My family had been trying to get a hold of our priest at St. Pius, or the priest that married us, an old family friend, to Baptize Rosie when she came into the world. However, we could not get through to anyone at St. Pius, and our family friend was in the Hospital down the road with Bronchitis. So the hospital found us an amazing Catholic chaplain to help with the ceremony of Baptizing our silent daughter.

I cannot remember a lot about the following 12 hours, but the parts I do are comforting to me, and I will hold close to my heart forever. One of the hospital's chaplains had Rosie dressed in a beautiful dress, booties, and and adorable bonnet. AS soon as she handed Rosie to me, I marveled at how perfect she was. She was absolutely beautiful, and looked as if she was just sleeping. I took off her bonnet to see her blondish hair, I took off her booties to touch, count and admire her tiny toes. I held her fingers and was mesmerized by the fact they were big for her body, just like mine. Her lips were the perfect shade of rose red, and I gazed at her peacfully shut eyes, expecting them to open at any moment and stare lovingly into mine. The world around me disappeared. Although there were easily 20 family members and friends in that hospital room, the only two I could see were Foster and Rosie.

The Catholic priest had brought a beautiful shell to baptize her with. Foster had asked if he could do the honors of pouring the water over her head and blessing her. The priest opened up the private ceremony with a beautiful prayer, and Foster proceded to trickle water over her tiny head while through tears saying "I Baptize you, Rosalynn Patricia Foster, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." It was such a beautiful and intimate moment to share with so many people who love and care for us.

This past Sunday was the Pentecost. For those of you who are not familiar, it is the day that God sent down the Holy Spirit to all the disciples, and they were able to spread the word of God in any language, to all the nations. Our Deacon's sermon last Sunday really hit close to Foster's and my heart. He talked about the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. I requested a copy of the sermon so I can quote one part that really stuck out to me:

"Now, Jesus' gift of peace does not promise ease or comfort. In fact, many of the disciples had very difficult roads ahead of them in the following years. And, like them, for many people, it does seem that adversity comes in waves. Sometimes it's not one thing, but one thing after another. Or sometimes life can throw up challenges and heartaches that no one else can recognize but the persons experiencing them. And it can feel that we are left alone to cope, while the world goes about its business, oblivious.

But when the Risen Jesus showed his friends his wounds, he not only assured them of his presence, he revealed to them what his presence would mean for them, and for us. It means that he does not leave us to bear hardship alone, but stays to bear it with us through the Holy Spirit. Not just as someone who can intellectualize or imagine what we are going through, but as someone who can understand it, because he suffered too. He came, not to put and end to suffering, at least not right away, but to embrace suffering so that he could help us bear it."

We listened to this sermon, and felt as if it was written just for us. It seems as if the Lord's Day has also become a day that He regularly let's Foster and I know He is with us through all of this.

As I sat in that hospital bed with my husband at my side, my daughter in my arms, and completely surrounded by people who loved us, it felt as if Jesus was standing amongst the crowd, crying with us. Surely the presence of the Lord was in that room!

Rosie's Journey Through Facebook

So....I found this application that goes back and finds all of your old posts. I thought it was interesting to see the progression and thought I would post Rosie's journey through facebook on here:

17 weeks tomorrow....going in for ANOTHER ultrasound to make sure everything is ok....keep David, baby and me in your prayers!December 17, 2009 at 10:58am

being sick and pregnant STINKS!!!!! i can't take ANYTHING!!December 17, 2009 at 3:56pm

back at work FINALLY!!! baby seems ok...still same old problem, and have to go for ANOTHER US in 2 weeks...this baby is going to be more famous than any celebrity!!! LOLDecember 18, 2009 at 7:02pm

glad to be back at work and feeling productive (semi at least)...don't know if baby foster likes this third shift though, seemed a little mad at me last night:-)December 19, 2009 at 8:24pm

i swear i have wedding pics and baby bump pics, i am just having a heck of a time uploading them to facebook...ugh!!December 28, 2009 at 8:25am

got wedding pics up(not the professional ones yet.) baby foster is hungry, so it is time for me to eat some breakfast before i puke!December 28, 2009 at 9:22am

last high risk doc's appt today!!! baby is doing great!!! bleed is almost gone....9oz, 19weeks 3 daysJanuary 4, 2010 at 7:39pm

another great day w/ the fosters:) we both studied this morning (nerds) and then baby clothes shopping (it is really hard to find things for gender neutral clothes) and then dinner...loving the quality time w/ my hubby! you are right auntie chris, it IS the simple things in life:)January 9, 2010 at 9:22pm

hubby is gone:-( he wanted me to fly out to puerto rico to visit, but what is the risk to the baby? especially since we have had complications this far....hmmm....don't think i will take the chance...any thoughts?January 25, 2010 at 8:43pm

OMG this baby is kicking like crazy tonight!!January 26, 2010 at 4:56am

23 weeks today!!! yay! baby foster is growing so fast!!January 29, 2010 at 12:08am

back hurts from working on the nursery all day...but it looks GREAT!! i have to wait for the mural to dry, and then i will take pics and post them!!January 31, 2010 at 10:08pm

okay, okay, after MANY people pressuring me, here are the new baby bump pics and nursery pics posted...no furniture in the nursery yetback hurts from working on the nursery all day...but it looks GREAT!! i have to wait for the mural to dry, and then i will take pics and post them!!January 31, 2010 at 10:08pm

okay, okay, after MANY people pressuring me, here are the new baby bump pics and nursery pics posted...no furniture in the nursery yetFebruary 1, 2010 at 7:10pm

praying for all of my fellow pregos!! Tessie, hope you feel better, Deb, hope Elizabeth makes her entrance soon!!! and Tara, hope Rory doesn't just fall out, but is here soon happy and healthy!!February 18, 2010 at 12:56pm

Im prego and tired! My belly is too big! ughhhhFebruary 18, 2010 at 11:34pm

is feeling really blessed! Amazing hubby, happy, healthy lil future baby foster, and great friends and family!! i jus love days like this!February 23, 2010 at 8:46pm

i want a nap!!! my feet are killing me!February 25, 2010 at 2:52am

off to the National Guard Dinner and Dance!! yay fun night w/ my hubby!February 27, 2010 at 5:03pm

my feet are so swollen from wearing heels last night...but oh were they cute!! lol and i had an amazing night w/ dave:)February 28, 2010 at 11:56am

baby furniture is @ the store!!! picking it up tomorrow and then the hubby can put it together:-)March 3, 2010 at 8:43pm

Heading to Nashville for Jessika's bachlorette party! time to have a little fun!!!March 5, 2010 at 8:58am

my hubby is amazing!! he put together the baby furniture and cleaned the house while i was gone in Tenn.....took a whole lot of stress off me!!!! Now i wish someone would write my terrorism paper for me!!March 8, 2010 at 5:58pm

i swear my child is going to be a gymnast.....sometimes it feels like he or she is doing acrobats in my belly...using my bladder as a springboard/ trampoline...LOLMarch 15, 2010 at 11:17pm

UGH!! i am soooooo uncomfortablw!March 16, 2010 at 11:43am

Doctor's appt and 3rd trimester US today!!! i love getting to see my baby:-) 10 more weeks!!! of course i swear it felt like he or she was trying to punch a hole in my abdomen today and come out early...lol.March 17, 2010 at 12:26pm

okay, so we all need to start with the prayers that my liitle ornery baby flips over. I understand it is no fun hangin around upside down for months, but doc says if it doesn't flip in 6 weeks, we will have to schedule a C-section...ugh! other than that, it is 3.5 lbs, and doing great!March 17, 2010 at 6:11pm

off to work...really don't want to, cause i was being so productive on painting the house....foyer is done, now i just have to do the formal living room and dining room! new carpet and new windows w/in 2 weeks, new furniture by the 31st...i am bound and determined to get this house the way i want it by the time this baby gets here! is this what they are refering to when they call it the "nesting phase"?March 20, 2010 at 5:04pm

got my baby bedding today, carpet will be going in next week(hopefully) so i can finally finish the baby's room!!! yay!!March 24, 2010 at 6:30pm

so my hubby says my feet look like the incredible hulk's! ugh! "You don't want to make me angry!" lolMarch 29, 2010 at 10:22pm

cleaning, cleaning, cleaningMarch 31, 2010 at 4:15pm

32 weeks today!!! according to the book....baby is aprox 19inches long, 4lbs, and his/her skin is no longer translucent:-) have an appt @ the docs today!April 2, 2010 at 8:49am

No US today, but the doc says she thinks the baby has flipped!!! i thought there was a VERY uncomfortable hours on tues night, and was HOPING baby had flipped, and it looks as if that is most likely the case. YAY for no c-section (at least scheduled). but she will check for sure in a few weeks.April 2, 2010 at 4:53pm

All i really want right now is for my feet to stop hurting, a glass of red wine, and a nice plate of sushi....is that so much to ask?April 14, 2010 at 5:25pm

6 weeks and countingApril 15, 2010 at 4:46pm

so my ornery child decided it did not like hanging around upside down, and has decided to go back to the breech position.....pray that it decided to flip one more time, or else we are having this baby on May 21st.April 16, 2010 at 8:21pm

I have such generous friends and family!!!! thank you all so much for coming to my baby shower, and for all the fun and thoughtful gifts!!! this baby will be VERY loved:) that is VERY apparent!! Thank you ALL!!!!April 17, 2010 at 11:03pm

For those of you who have not heard. Rosalynn Patricia Foster decided to go back up to heaven with our father. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. Thank you to everyone for your support through this.April 20, 2010 at 6:20pm

I have the most amazing friends and family! thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, you have made this very hard situation that much easier. Rosalynn made such an impact on so many lives before she even was born, can you IMAGINE what she could have done in life? She is up in heaven with her grandparents, and we will get the honor of meeting her when we get up there too. David and I are keeping eachother strong.April 23, 2010 at 9:41pm

We will have Rosalynn's funeral Friday April 30th @ 1030 am @ St. joseph's cemetary. If you would like any details, email me, or look up Shoedinger's funeral home website.April 23, 2010 at 9:41pm

rainy days like this make it that much harder to get motivated.April 26, 2010 at 11:17am

THe sun is out, my garden is looking beautiful thanks to my husband, and hopefully will have a rose bush soon to plant for my baby girl.April 27, 2010 at 7:12pm

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, and all of you who attended today in support of us and our family. This HAS been the hardest day of our lives. Rest in Peace baby Rose. Mommy and Daddy love you.April 30, 2010 at 2:50pm

If roses grow in heaven, please pick a bunch for me. Place them in my daughter's arms, and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while. Remembering her is easy, I do it every day, but there's an ache within my heart that never goes away.May 14, 2010 at 11:32am

Amazing to look back at all of this. All of the good, the bad and the ugly of pregnancy. All the hope and blessings, and then such a quick turn in a 48 hour span. It was hard reading these posts!! It is the closest thing I have to a journal about my pregnancy, and I am so happy to have it!!

Signs she is with me!

I am a firm believer that God has his own ways of comforting us. How many times do we ask for signs from God? Have you truly taken the time to look around and notice them? Well, I have noticed that in this time of grief, God has given me many signs that my little Rosie is watching out for me, and on this night, the eve of her original due date, I am going to share a few with you.

1. Mothers Day was looking to be a very hard day for Foster and I. For the obvious reason, but also because the night before we stood at his best friend's mother's bedside as she took her last breath. Foster pretty much grew up in this woman's house, she was like a second mom to him. We woke up in the morning and attended an early Catholic mass so we could attend church service with his best friend, Mr. Red, and his family. As we met up with the Reds, the day was somber due to the passing of Grandma Red, but being together made everything seem just a little better. We sat through a couple of opening songs, when all of the sudden the all too familiar words came on the big screen preparing the congregation for the next hymn, "Amazing Grace, how sweet the song, That saved a wretch like me......." I started to laugh and smile through tears of pain. This was the first song that was played at Rosie's funeral. Foster grabbed my hand and squeezed. I looked down the line of my friends, and there was not a dry eye in the bunch.

As we all dried our tears and sat down, the pastor opened the bible and read from Luke chapter 18 verse 15-17 "......Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God is theirs....". This time the entire row of our friends leaned towards me and smiled, because they had all been present when these exact words had been read at Rosie's funeral. It was her way of letting her mommy know that she was with me on Mother's Day, and although I was sad, I was truly comforted, thanked God for this blatant sign, and enjoyed the rest of my Mother's Day.


2. Foster and I moved into our new house a little over a year ago. When we moved in the yard and garden was a bit of a mess. I had numerous rose bushes that had gone unattended for 2 years, and needed some major TLC. I was able to get most of the rose bushes to bloom last spring, but there was this one particular bush that didn't even get a single bud on it. This year Foster got a trellis for it to grow up, and it seemed to take a liking to this, because when Foster and I returned from a trip to Port Clinton, this is what it looked like:
We returned home 2 days before our C-section had been scheduled. To top it off, this rose bush has at least thirty to forty more buds, it is going to bloom all summer! It is such a comfort every time I walk out my front door and every time I return home.

3. Foster and I got into a little fight the other night. No, as much as we seem like the perfect couple, we are still human, and still have our differences. It was over something really stupid, the air conditioning. However, being the hormonal psycho I am right now, this was a big deal to me at that moment. I got so upset and hot, that I decided to go down stairs where the temperature was easily ten degrees cooler. As I lay on the couch, tears quickly turned into sobs as I started thinking of Rosie. Then I found myself praying to God to give me a sign she was around and watching over her mom and dad. I fell asleep before God could answer my prayers that night. I was woken up by a text message. It was from a number I did not have programed into my phone so did not recognize, and the first word I saw when I opened it was "Rose". It read "Just wondering how you were doing.~Rose" Although I knew it was a girl from work named Rose, I almost felt like it was my own little personal message from my Rosie.

As I went downstairs to make coffee and breakfast I flipped on the TV. It happened to be on "A Baby Story", which I have avoided like the plague lately, but before I could change it, I hear "It is our little Rosie." Apparently the parents kept the sex a surprise, and as she saw the sex, she announce her name. I guess God answered my prayers from the night before.

Although some people would think these were all coincidence, I truly believe that God does not need to make a bush burn, walk on water, or drop manna from heaven to show us that he is with us and he cares. If we only take the time to look and listen, we can see the small signs he gives us every day.

Here is an update on the puppies...

Rowdy is getting ready to go to his first puppy preschool this Saturday. He is growing up very fast, but is still a little bouncing fur ball, and makes me laugh multiple times a day. Gotta love that one, beautiful blue eye!


Reagan is her same goofy self. She is still very UN-ladylike with her clumsy ways, and her belching after every meal. She has recently become camera shy i don't think she likes the flash, but if she even sees Foster of I holding the camera, she flees to the other room. I have resorted to holding her in order to capture a shot!

The Crazy Bipolar Lady

Yesterday was a joyous occasion. We received some of the greatest news about our friends, but all I could do was sob. Mr. and Mrs. Prince, gave birth to their bouncing bundle of joy.

Foster and Mr. Prince attended Officer school for the Army years ago, but had not really kept in touch. Last September they ran into each other at an Army convention in Nashville. Mrs. Prince and I had the pleasure of hanging out at the pool, having lunch, etc., while our husbands were attending their meetings. We had a lot of fun together, and seemed to hit it off. I was ecstatic about having another military wife as a friend, because only they can completely relate to the challenges that come along with that title. Mr. Prince and Foster are so similar, not only in their careers, but in their personalities and outlooks on life, so Mrs. Prince and I can definitely relate to one another.

At the conference Foster and I became engaged, and had the pleasure of celebrating this occasion with the Princes. We drank, laughed, and had a little too much fun that weekend, because a few weeks later, Foster and I found out we were pregnant, and about a week after that, I got a call from Mrs. Prince, they were pregnant too! We were so excited. Our friendship quickly blossomed into this pregnant connection. Their due date was 11 days behind ours, and so it seemed as soon as I would get a symptom, a first kick, or a milestone in my pregnancy, Mrs. Prince followed close behind. When my swelling started, she anticipated hers would too, when my baby kicked, she impatiently waited for hers to kick too. It was a fun journey, and we had many plans for our kids after we gave birth. The Princes moved four miles from our home at the beginning of March, so we had plans of walking our strollers together to work off the pregnancy weight, and as the children got older, we would throw parties for them and have play dates together.

At the beginning of her pregnancy, Mrs. Prince was terrified of a miscarriage. We talked about this at length in the beginning, and she said that if either one of us lost our child, it would be hard to watch the other person because we were so close in due dates. We made a pact that we would remain friends and help one another if , God forbid, this happened. Sunday night, April 18th, I sat on her couch, over 34 weeks pregnant, and explained to her that as nervous as she was in the first trimester is how nervous I was feeling at that point. Although she felt we were in the clear, I was not as convinced. I am usually the positive person, but I was terrified of all that could happen in the weeks leading up to, and even during delivery.

I think both of us were dumbfounded when less than 24 hours later I was lying on her bed with her fetal Doppler looking for the heart beat. The look in her eyes was one of worry, concern, and a mutual fear and hurt. Mr. and Mrs. Prince were the first people we called, after family members, when the doctor could not find a heartbeat, and they cried and mourned for Rosie with us.

Mrs. Prince lived up to our pact. I don't think either one of us ever thought we would be living out the fear we had discussed around week 8 of our pregnancies, and if it had not been for her, I could see myself wanting to distance myself from them. However, she did not let me do this. The Princes came to our home with food and flowers, attended the funeral and burial of our precious girl, and Mrs. Prince took me to lunch, got me out of the house, and let me cry, yell, and ramble. She was the first to text me "Happy Mother's Day to the strongest mother I know" which meant more to me than anything. She did not pretend nothing happened, she did not skirt around the issue, or hide the rest of her pregnancy from me out of fear of how I would react, and most importantly, she did not allow me to distance myself from them. We were even schedule to have fondue (or as my husband calls it, "fondon't") dinner tonight.

So why was I crying?!?!?! Why, when I get a personal text, not just finding out through Facebook, that my dear friend was in labor was I crying?!?!? I frantically started going through my phone wondering who I could call that would understand, and reassure me that I was NOT crazy, that these feelings ARE normal, and Mrs. Prince would NOT hate me for this. I did not want to call my friend Mrs. Roma who lost her son at 27 weeks gestation, because I knew with the recent changes in her household, she had her hands full, so I emailed her. I hesitated to call my friend's mom who lost her son around 38-39 weeks, but her own daughter was in the hospital having issues with her pregnancy. However, I broke down and left her a message. I frantically continued searching through my phone. No one. No one would understand first hand how I was feeling and be able to give me advice. All of the sudden I felt utterly alone. I called my sister. I feel bad, because I know I woke her up, but I sobbed. She let me. She said all the right things, made me feel like this was normal, and told me Mrs. Prince would understand and not hold my initial reaction against me.

When I called to tell my husband that the Princes were in labor, he asked me why I was crying. "I don't know! I don't know why! I should be happy for them, but I am sobbing!" He suggested I go shopping, and get out of the house, so I did. To give you an idea of how upset and disconnected I was, I left the house, and forgot to SHUT the front door, not lock it, SHUT it. Thank God we live in a good neighborhood.

I wandered Home Depot looking for a much needed patio set. When I sat to test one Foster had shown interest in, I spaced out. I contemplated why I was feeling like I was. I thought of Rosie. I missed her, and had she been born on Friday like planned, her new friend would only be 3 days younger. I am sure the staff at Home Depot thought I was crazy, because I sat there for thirty minutes staring off into space, slowly rocking myself in the patio chair. Just then I got another text, "It's a Boy", and as quickly as that sadness and sorrow came, is as quickly as it left. The Princes had decided to keep the sex a surprise, and when they announced it was a boy, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I was actually ecstatic. I believe I would have been devastated if it had been a girl. Maybe not, but I am glad that I never have to find out what my reaction would have been.

Later last night, as Foster and I were getting ready for bed, he said, "I don't know why you were so upset when she went into labor, I was excited."

I started to tear up, "You will never understand," I said. For at that moment I realized that today was not about mourning the loss of my daughter, but mourning the loss of all the plans and the future that Mrs. Prince and I had laid out for our children TOGETHER. We will still have our friendship, and I have come to realize I will probably love her child so much, because as I watch Baby Prince grow up, I will be reminded of what Rosie would have been going through. Hopefully, we will still have those play dates, it will just have to be a little further in the future.

Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Prince!! I love you guys!