An interesting topic has been broached a few times in the past couple weeks.
Has the birth of Ava helped my healing process?
This is a really difficult question to answer. I have replied "yes" to those who have asked simply because I don't know how to adequately explain to them why I don't think it has.
Am I truly in love? Of course! Am I grateful that Avaleen is here and healthy and wakes me up with her cries at night? Absolutely! Has she healed the wound caused by the death of Rosalynn? No.
Yes, the empty arms and nursery are full, however, to say the birth of my second daughter has helped heal the wound of Rosie's death is like putting a band aide on an amputated leg and saying it is healed. Of course my life seems more full, but my first born is still gone, and with her, that piece of my heart will always be missing until we are reunited in heaven.
I have love in my heart enough for both of my girls, just like any mother with multiple children. I just pray that no one thinks that my rainbow "negates the ravages of the storm that preceded it". There is a family member missing still. Her presence will be missed at every holiday, every family function, and every milestone that Ava hits we will have missed the opportunity to watch Rosie hit the same milestones. No matter how many children we have, there will always be one less face missing from the family photos, one less sporting event to attend, one less graduation, and one less chance for Foster to walk his daughter down the isle.
If anything, this new rainbow journey we are on has reopened the wound WIDE. I have cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have the past 6 months over Rosalynn's passing. How screwed up is it that I had to bring Ava to the cemetery to "introduce" her to her older sister? I should have been introducing them here in our home when we brought Ava home from the NICU. However, the life of a Baby Loss Mother and her family will never be that of a "normal" family's. My daughter will be raised to "know" a sister she has never met, she will have books like "Someone came Before You" along with "Goodnight Moon", and she will attend balloon releases and Memorial Walks on October 15th.
So has Ava's birth healed any of the wound from Rosie? I guess the short answer is no.
Showing posts with label Avaleen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Avaleen. Show all posts
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The New Addition to Our Family
"How is it that someone who weights less than 6 lbs. makes soooo many major decisions in our life?"
This is the question Foster asked after Ava being home for less than a week. I told him he better get used to it, because she will be the reason behind most of our choices from here on out.
We waited till the last minute to get her car seat installed into the car. Call it superstition, call it procrastination, but it wasn't installed until AFTER I had her and she was in the NICU waiting to come home. When I plopped myself into the passenger seat on the Monday I was released, and my knees were in my nose, we realized very quickly that a Toyota Corolla was NOT the car for a growing family.
Last Sunday Foster, Ava and I started the process of looking for a new car. We have 3 cars with no car payments. 2 Corollas, and a 2006 Nissan Frontier truck that is my husband's baby. We had a slight problem. He didn't want to get rid of his truck, and we wanted to keep at least one of the Corollas because he drives almost 30 miles to work every day and you can't beat 40 mpg that the Corolla gets. So we only wanted to get rid of one of our Corollas.
We didn't know what kind of car we wanted. Did we want a station wagon, a mini van, SUV or a nice big sedan? I had to think that I will be watching JJ's son while she works so would need a large enough back seat to fit TWO car seats.
After looking Sunday and Monday, we were convinced that we wanted the Nissan Rogue. We love Nissans, and the Rouge was a nice SUV that got decent gas mileage. For the first time we were looking at having a car payment. This was not ideal for us because for one, I will only be working in January and then becoming a full time mom after that. I still have my photography, but that is not a guarantee steady income. Plus, we just don't like having a lot of debt, and would rather invest our money into retirement or something that can give us a return on our money, not a car that loses value as soon as we drive it off the lot. However, we had resigned to the fact that it was unavoidable this time around, because although we had a large downpayment, we could not afford to pay $20,000+ cash for a car. We had come up with a down payment, and the monthly payment we could afford, and then we headed out Tuesday to check out a few Rouges we had found nearby.
We were unimpressed by the Rouges we saw. A couple smelled like cigarette smoke, and one had a weird shake up front when we hit the brakes (and it was only a 2010!!). We started to head home when Foster wanted to stop by one more dealership. I had to feed Ava and change her diaper and as soon as I finished Foster came up to me SOOOOO excited! He found a Hybrid SUV that he wanted, and the price was completely reasonable. After talking it over with the salesman, doing some consumer reports research on one of their computers, talking him down a little on the price, and getting a quote on our trade in, we walked out with a new (to us) SUV and our out of pocket expense was LESS than what we were planning on putting down on the Rouge!!!
That's right! We STILL don't have a car payment!!! And THIS is our new car:
This is the question Foster asked after Ava being home for less than a week. I told him he better get used to it, because she will be the reason behind most of our choices from here on out.
We waited till the last minute to get her car seat installed into the car. Call it superstition, call it procrastination, but it wasn't installed until AFTER I had her and she was in the NICU waiting to come home. When I plopped myself into the passenger seat on the Monday I was released, and my knees were in my nose, we realized very quickly that a Toyota Corolla was NOT the car for a growing family.
Last Sunday Foster, Ava and I started the process of looking for a new car. We have 3 cars with no car payments. 2 Corollas, and a 2006 Nissan Frontier truck that is my husband's baby. We had a slight problem. He didn't want to get rid of his truck, and we wanted to keep at least one of the Corollas because he drives almost 30 miles to work every day and you can't beat 40 mpg that the Corolla gets. So we only wanted to get rid of one of our Corollas.
We didn't know what kind of car we wanted. Did we want a station wagon, a mini van, SUV or a nice big sedan? I had to think that I will be watching JJ's son while she works so would need a large enough back seat to fit TWO car seats.
After looking Sunday and Monday, we were convinced that we wanted the Nissan Rogue. We love Nissans, and the Rouge was a nice SUV that got decent gas mileage. For the first time we were looking at having a car payment. This was not ideal for us because for one, I will only be working in January and then becoming a full time mom after that. I still have my photography, but that is not a guarantee steady income. Plus, we just don't like having a lot of debt, and would rather invest our money into retirement or something that can give us a return on our money, not a car that loses value as soon as we drive it off the lot. However, we had resigned to the fact that it was unavoidable this time around, because although we had a large downpayment, we could not afford to pay $20,000+ cash for a car. We had come up with a down payment, and the monthly payment we could afford, and then we headed out Tuesday to check out a few Rouges we had found nearby.
We were unimpressed by the Rouges we saw. A couple smelled like cigarette smoke, and one had a weird shake up front when we hit the brakes (and it was only a 2010!!). We started to head home when Foster wanted to stop by one more dealership. I had to feed Ava and change her diaper and as soon as I finished Foster came up to me SOOOOO excited! He found a Hybrid SUV that he wanted, and the price was completely reasonable. After talking it over with the salesman, doing some consumer reports research on one of their computers, talking him down a little on the price, and getting a quote on our trade in, we walked out with a new (to us) SUV and our out of pocket expense was LESS than what we were planning on putting down on the Rouge!!!
That's right! We STILL don't have a car payment!!! And THIS is our new car:
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| Saturn Vue Hybrid!!! |
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A Week with Ava!!
Life has been so busy lately, I feel there aren't enough hours in the day, and hence why the last blog I wrote was over a week ago.
Avaleen is home. She has been home for a whole week now. Foster and I have been thoroughly enjoying our new little addition to our family. Ava is such a content little baby, and I am just waiting for the ball to drop. She doesn't fuss much, she doesn't cry unless we are changing her diaper, and she is happy just hanging out. When she is awake, she cracks us up with her goofy faces.
There have been a LOT of firsts in the past week. We took her to church...I know, I know, people may be mad at me for taking my 5 week preemie out in public, HOWEVER, our faith is what has kept us sane and strong over the past 18 months, and we felt as if we NEEDED to bring her there. Foster and I both got pretty emotional. We had been praying for over 2 years, and we were finally holding our precious daughter. To avoid too many people poking their fingers into her car seat, I held her in my Moby wrap to keep her close to me and away from all the germs.
We also took her out to see her big sister. This is when I lost it. I know the hormones are still wacky, but I think in the cemetery it finally hit me how sad and happy I was, how grateful, but also still a little resentful I am. How I should be introducing our newborn to our 18 month old daughter, and not to her gravestone. It was all really overwhelming, and I could no longer hold back the tears. I started crying.
We have had TONS of visitors. It was really hectic here the first weekend she was home, but things are starting to slow down a bit. It is nice to be able to hang out with Foster and Ava and enjoy being a family. Foster is absolutely in LOVE! Ava has him wrapped around her finger.
The breastfeeding is going AMAZINGLY! I am such a cow! The lactation specialist was warning me to not get upset if Ava didn't latch until closer to her due date, but just like how fast she graduated the NICU, she has amazed us with her eating skills too! The 4th day in the NICU, we tried. By the 3rd try, she was latched and fed for 10 minutes. I still supplement with pumped breast milk in a bottle, b/c she is still small and gets tired after about 10-15 minutes. It takes more energy for her to breast feed, so I usually give her an additional .5-1 oz of milk after she tuckers out.
Nights are going well. There are 3 positive things about having a baby int he NICU the first 6 days of life. 1.) Ava came home on a schedule! She is on a feeding schedule of 12-3-6-9 around the clock. This has allowed for about 2-2.5 hour stretches of sleep for Foster and I and the occasional 3 hour stretch! 2.) since she was hooked up to all the monitors and checked and monitored for 6 days, if there was any underlying heart of respiratory problem that may not have been picked up in the regular nursery, there is a great chance they would have picked up on it. 3.) she slept by herself in the incubator. This is great because she doesn't need to be held to fall asleep or stay asleep. I was TERRIFIED that she would be a baby who needed me to hold her in bed to fall asleep, and as a Baby Loss Mom, I have heard all the nightmare stories of smothering babies while co sleeping. She sleeps in a bassinet right next to our bed, and I can see into it, and it works perfectly!
OK OK...now onto what you REALLY want...the pictures of my beautiful baby girl that does NOT include tubes:-)
Avaleen is home. She has been home for a whole week now. Foster and I have been thoroughly enjoying our new little addition to our family. Ava is such a content little baby, and I am just waiting for the ball to drop. She doesn't fuss much, she doesn't cry unless we are changing her diaper, and she is happy just hanging out. When she is awake, she cracks us up with her goofy faces.
There have been a LOT of firsts in the past week. We took her to church...I know, I know, people may be mad at me for taking my 5 week preemie out in public, HOWEVER, our faith is what has kept us sane and strong over the past 18 months, and we felt as if we NEEDED to bring her there. Foster and I both got pretty emotional. We had been praying for over 2 years, and we were finally holding our precious daughter. To avoid too many people poking their fingers into her car seat, I held her in my Moby wrap to keep her close to me and away from all the germs.
We also took her out to see her big sister. This is when I lost it. I know the hormones are still wacky, but I think in the cemetery it finally hit me how sad and happy I was, how grateful, but also still a little resentful I am. How I should be introducing our newborn to our 18 month old daughter, and not to her gravestone. It was all really overwhelming, and I could no longer hold back the tears. I started crying.
We have had TONS of visitors. It was really hectic here the first weekend she was home, but things are starting to slow down a bit. It is nice to be able to hang out with Foster and Ava and enjoy being a family. Foster is absolutely in LOVE! Ava has him wrapped around her finger.
The breastfeeding is going AMAZINGLY! I am such a cow! The lactation specialist was warning me to not get upset if Ava didn't latch until closer to her due date, but just like how fast she graduated the NICU, she has amazed us with her eating skills too! The 4th day in the NICU, we tried. By the 3rd try, she was latched and fed for 10 minutes. I still supplement with pumped breast milk in a bottle, b/c she is still small and gets tired after about 10-15 minutes. It takes more energy for her to breast feed, so I usually give her an additional .5-1 oz of milk after she tuckers out.
Nights are going well. There are 3 positive things about having a baby int he NICU the first 6 days of life. 1.) Ava came home on a schedule! She is on a feeding schedule of 12-3-6-9 around the clock. This has allowed for about 2-2.5 hour stretches of sleep for Foster and I and the occasional 3 hour stretch! 2.) since she was hooked up to all the monitors and checked and monitored for 6 days, if there was any underlying heart of respiratory problem that may not have been picked up in the regular nursery, there is a great chance they would have picked up on it. 3.) she slept by herself in the incubator. This is great because she doesn't need to be held to fall asleep or stay asleep. I was TERRIFIED that she would be a baby who needed me to hold her in bed to fall asleep, and as a Baby Loss Mom, I have heard all the nightmare stories of smothering babies while co sleeping. She sleeps in a bassinet right next to our bed, and I can see into it, and it works perfectly!
OK OK...now onto what you REALLY want...the pictures of my beautiful baby girl that does NOT include tubes:-)
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| In her Little Sister outfit getting ready to go home!! |
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| my sweet baby girl!! |
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| one of her MANY goofy expressions when she is awake! |
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| first time in her swing! |
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| LOVES her daddy!! |
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| our little fur-babysitter. Reagan is absolutely IN LOVE! |
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| UH OH folks! I have a thumb sucker!!! |
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| Ava with Rosie....tear! sorry this is a bad pic..it is w/ my phone:-) |
Monday, October 17, 2011
Heading Home....Me, not Ava:-(
It is amazing how awake and happy I
can be on such little sleep! I am completely enamored by my little
princess, and try to spend as much time with her as possible. So I
apologize in advance if some of this makes no sense.
It looks like I will be released today. Unfortunately, Ava will have to stay a little longer. She is doing WONDERFUL, however. She is off her oxygen again, and on room air, she had all of her IV lines take out yesterday, and she should be going into an open crib today!!
My milk came in and it looks like I am already keeping up with my little porker! She is taking 40+ ml of breast milk each feeding, and i am pumping 50+ each session. When we have kangaroo time (skin to skin cuddle time for 1 hour), I pump almost 80 ml after that!! It is amazing how in tuned the baby and mom are and how their bodies react to each other! Did you know that holding her against my chest, my body naturally regulates her body temp? and if I were to have twins and hold one on each bare breast, each breast would regulate each twin's body temperature?!? amazing!!
Any way, we are slowly trying to get her used to breast feeding, and she know WHAT to do, she just doesn't like how much work it takes to get it done. The lactation specialist says this is completely normal for a preemie, since it takes a lot out of them to feed. She told me not to get too frustrated until she gets closer to her due date. So we still practice, but her feedings are still through bottle, but with PLENTY of my milk!!
Bug got to feed her and snuggle with Ava last night because she worked. I am so glad they are getting their bonding time! It will definitely make it easier to leave the hospital tonight knowing Bug will be working:-)
Things are going well, and I feel like the most blessed woman on earth!!
It looks like I will be released today. Unfortunately, Ava will have to stay a little longer. She is doing WONDERFUL, however. She is off her oxygen again, and on room air, she had all of her IV lines take out yesterday, and she should be going into an open crib today!!
My milk came in and it looks like I am already keeping up with my little porker! She is taking 40+ ml of breast milk each feeding, and i am pumping 50+ each session. When we have kangaroo time (skin to skin cuddle time for 1 hour), I pump almost 80 ml after that!! It is amazing how in tuned the baby and mom are and how their bodies react to each other! Did you know that holding her against my chest, my body naturally regulates her body temp? and if I were to have twins and hold one on each bare breast, each breast would regulate each twin's body temperature?!? amazing!!
Any way, we are slowly trying to get her used to breast feeding, and she know WHAT to do, she just doesn't like how much work it takes to get it done. The lactation specialist says this is completely normal for a preemie, since it takes a lot out of them to feed. She told me not to get too frustrated until she gets closer to her due date. So we still practice, but her feedings are still through bottle, but with PLENTY of my milk!!
Bug got to feed her and snuggle with Ava last night because she worked. I am so glad they are getting their bonding time! It will definitely make it easier to leave the hospital tonight knowing Bug will be working:-)
Things are going well, and I feel like the most blessed woman on earth!!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Our Growing Girl!
My precious baby girl is growing strong. She lost 10% of her body weight already, and was 5lb5oz yesterday, but the way she is eating she will gain it back in NO time. Ava came off her tube the first night around 2AM, and went right onto room air! This only lasted for about 12 hours. She then had to go onto a nasal cannula at the lowest setting because she wasn't keeping her oxygen above 95%. She is eating like a champ! She eats fast, burps fast, and then falls right to sleep on either Foster or my chest.
It is amazing the little quirks she already has picked up. She snores like me (not really a snore, but a clicking in the back of her throat), she frowns like Foster and furrows her brow, and she doesn't really CRY, she whines, and squeaks.
I love her so much! I just am praying she gets to come home with us. It would be hard to walk out of the hospital AGAIN without a baby. However, I would feel better this time, especially knowing that she is with her Auntie Bug in the NICU.
The emotional aspect has taken its toll on me a bit. It was probably a combination of hormones, exhaustion, and memories, but I cried ALOT last night for my Rosalynn. I miss her. I am soooooo blessed and happy to be holding my beautiful rainbow baby, but the memories of our first born that will never be, makes me sad. We never got to do any of this with Rosalynn, and I will love EVERY moment with Avaleen and will never take a moment for granted.
Here are a few pictures:-)
Well, I am going to pump again, and then head down for feeding and kangaroo time! THank you all for the prayers and support! We all appreciate every one of them.
It is amazing the little quirks she already has picked up. She snores like me (not really a snore, but a clicking in the back of her throat), she frowns like Foster and furrows her brow, and she doesn't really CRY, she whines, and squeaks.
I love her so much! I just am praying she gets to come home with us. It would be hard to walk out of the hospital AGAIN without a baby. However, I would feel better this time, especially knowing that she is with her Auntie Bug in the NICU.
The emotional aspect has taken its toll on me a bit. It was probably a combination of hormones, exhaustion, and memories, but I cried ALOT last night for my Rosalynn. I miss her. I am soooooo blessed and happy to be holding my beautiful rainbow baby, but the memories of our first born that will never be, makes me sad. We never got to do any of this with Rosalynn, and I will love EVERY moment with Avaleen and will never take a moment for granted.
Here are a few pictures:-)
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| Foster feeding his baby girl. I am sooo happy to see him as a father to an angel here on earth!! |
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| burping Ava |
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| Snuggling with Ava....then repeat 3 hours later:-) |
Thursday, September 29, 2011
LAZY Baby Getting Evicted!!
I had another Non-Stress Test (NST) today. I have them every Monday and Thursday from now on. It is a lot of trips to the doctors, but I love every minute of sitting in the recliner listening to my baby girl's heart beat.
Today she was lazy...AGAIN! Once again her heart rate was hanging out in the 130s and it looked like a solid flat line across the monitor strip. She also have VERY FEW fetal movement marks. I think in 20 minutes there were MAYBE 4 tick marks. Once again, the "mean nurse" (she really isn't mean, but if this continues, Ava will begin to think she is) used the noise maker on my belly, making my poor little girl jump and her heart rate accelerate. She HATES that, cause once you wake her up, she throws a FIT! She went on to pass the test and we waited for the doctor.
I have not seen him in 2 weeks. He has been on vacation and I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the other doctors. However, I had not gotten the chance to tell Dr. C that I wanted to forgo the amnio and just deliver at 36 weeks. Plus, we had not set an OFFICIAL day. Of course, I could predict it would be around the 20th (my 36 week mark) but no guarantee he would be available. Since I have a few family members who are teachers, and Foster needs to put in request for official leave, I needed to nail down a date with Dr. C.
Turns out he would not be available the 20th. In fact, he is going to be in Florida. "Would you be willing to wait until Monday?" he asked. I am positive the look on my face said it all, "I take that as a no. It would be 36weeks 4days."
"Dr. C! You know from 34 weeks, 5days to 36 weeks is going to be hard enough. making me hold out 4 more days would be TORTURE!!!" I exclaimed. 1 week and 2 days of feeling like I am pressing my luck will be hard. I will officially be the most pregnant I have ever been, and I am not sure how I will handle those 9 days. If I wasn't pregnant, I would say I would be drinking LOTS of alcoholic beverages and sleep through those 9 days, but since I can't, I guess lots of family time and photo shoots are in order.
"Ok, ok. Well, I can check my partner's schedule and let you know what he has available. Which day did you want?"
"If you don't mind, I would like October 20th. It will officially be Rosalynn's 18 month Angelversary. We can celebrate her angelversary with the birth of her rainbow sister," I said with tears welling up in my eyes.
"I think that can be arranged." No questions, no trying to convince me to give her more time baking, just pure understanding. I think when he told me the story of his grandmother losing a baby to stillbirth, he really takes cases like mine to heart. I was SURE he would be one of those doctors that talk in the beginning of early deliveries but once the date approached, he would either flat out refuse to do it, or try to convince me otherwise. I AM extremely bummed that he will not get the opportunity to take part in the end moment...the emotional, happy moment of bringing this rainbow into the world, but I am sure he will get to see her either in the hospital when he gets back on the 24th OR at my first post-partum appointment. I have already been threatened with bodily harm by more than one of the nurses if I don't bring miss Ava in with me to my post-partum appointments.
I wanted to get up and kiss this man!
So it is official. 3 weeks from today, October 20th on Rosalynn's 18 month angelversary, Foster, myself, MANY family members, friends and all of you praying for us will be welcoming little miss Avaleen Rose Foster into the world.
Keep the prayers coming. 3 weeks from today I will be able to breathe (hopefully) for the first time in 36 weeks.
**Oh, by the way, I think I found a way to make this little girl move for her NSTs. I have been playing Rosie's music (playing at the bottom of this blog) right up near my belly all evening, and Ava LOVES it!! She has been moving the whole time. Note to self....bring music to the NSTs:-)
Today she was lazy...AGAIN! Once again her heart rate was hanging out in the 130s and it looked like a solid flat line across the monitor strip. She also have VERY FEW fetal movement marks. I think in 20 minutes there were MAYBE 4 tick marks. Once again, the "mean nurse" (she really isn't mean, but if this continues, Ava will begin to think she is) used the noise maker on my belly, making my poor little girl jump and her heart rate accelerate. She HATES that, cause once you wake her up, she throws a FIT! She went on to pass the test and we waited for the doctor.
I have not seen him in 2 weeks. He has been on vacation and I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the other doctors. However, I had not gotten the chance to tell Dr. C that I wanted to forgo the amnio and just deliver at 36 weeks. Plus, we had not set an OFFICIAL day. Of course, I could predict it would be around the 20th (my 36 week mark) but no guarantee he would be available. Since I have a few family members who are teachers, and Foster needs to put in request for official leave, I needed to nail down a date with Dr. C.
Turns out he would not be available the 20th. In fact, he is going to be in Florida. "Would you be willing to wait until Monday?" he asked. I am positive the look on my face said it all, "I take that as a no. It would be 36weeks 4days."
"Dr. C! You know from 34 weeks, 5days to 36 weeks is going to be hard enough. making me hold out 4 more days would be TORTURE!!!" I exclaimed. 1 week and 2 days of feeling like I am pressing my luck will be hard. I will officially be the most pregnant I have ever been, and I am not sure how I will handle those 9 days. If I wasn't pregnant, I would say I would be drinking LOTS of alcoholic beverages and sleep through those 9 days, but since I can't, I guess lots of family time and photo shoots are in order.
"Ok, ok. Well, I can check my partner's schedule and let you know what he has available. Which day did you want?"
"If you don't mind, I would like October 20th. It will officially be Rosalynn's 18 month Angelversary. We can celebrate her angelversary with the birth of her rainbow sister," I said with tears welling up in my eyes.
"I think that can be arranged." No questions, no trying to convince me to give her more time baking, just pure understanding. I think when he told me the story of his grandmother losing a baby to stillbirth, he really takes cases like mine to heart. I was SURE he would be one of those doctors that talk in the beginning of early deliveries but once the date approached, he would either flat out refuse to do it, or try to convince me otherwise. I AM extremely bummed that he will not get the opportunity to take part in the end moment...the emotional, happy moment of bringing this rainbow into the world, but I am sure he will get to see her either in the hospital when he gets back on the 24th OR at my first post-partum appointment. I have already been threatened with bodily harm by more than one of the nurses if I don't bring miss Ava in with me to my post-partum appointments.
I wanted to get up and kiss this man!
So it is official. 3 weeks from today, October 20th on Rosalynn's 18 month angelversary, Foster, myself, MANY family members, friends and all of you praying for us will be welcoming little miss Avaleen Rose Foster into the world.
Keep the prayers coming. 3 weeks from today I will be able to breathe (hopefully) for the first time in 36 weeks.
**Oh, by the way, I think I found a way to make this little girl move for her NSTs. I have been playing Rosie's music (playing at the bottom of this blog) right up near my belly all evening, and Ava LOVES it!! She has been moving the whole time. Note to self....bring music to the NSTs:-)
Monday, September 26, 2011
32 Weeks (a little late)
I really didn't mean to skip posting for week 32, the time has just gotten away from me!
Today I am 32w4d and a little over three weeks away from my c-section. According to my dreams, I think I am getting a little anxious about not being entirely prepared for this child. Last night I had a dream my water broke, and Foster and I scrambled around trying to get our hospital bag together. I have not packed a thing!
Today, during my nap before work, I had a dream that I had twins, got home, and had NOTHING. I was breastfeeding in the tub for some reason, and the baby girl was a whole month older than the baby boy. Very strange! I don't need a dream analyst to know that my subconscious is worried about my unpreparedness.
I have upped my appointments to twice a week. We now have Non stress tests (NST) on Mondays and Thursdays. Last Thursday, at my 32 week appointment, I also had a growth ultra sound. Avaleen is weighing in at a whopping 4lbs6oz. EXACTLY on track for her gestational age. The funny part was that she was measuring in at 33 weeks because of her legs. That's right, she is a LONG baby! She is measuring in the 50% in every other category, but 87% for length. I am going to have one long and lean baby girl. Of course, my nickname as a little girl was "long and Lean Erin Kathleen". She was moving her mouth (no surprise there with me being her mother) and moving her eyebrows, and she has HAIR!!!
She has been passing her NSTs with flying colors. Until today. She still passed, don't worry, but she was being LAZY!! I think we caught her in the middle of a nap. Her heart rate looked like a solid flat line, staying consistently in the 130s, and she only had a few ticks on the fetal movement. They like to see so many accelerations in 30 mins, and so many movements. It was a rainy day, and I don't blame her for wanting to sleep. So the nurse reached into a drawer and pulled out what looked like a little massager. She put it on my belly and it vibrated and made this loud, goofy noise. I was NOT expecting it, since they have never had to use it before on me, and I jumped, and so did Ava. She was MAD!! She is like her dad, and does NOT like to woken up! She kicked, and punched, and her heart rate went up the way they wanted to, but I could tell she was not happy. I will just have to make it clear to her when she gets out that it was NOT me who did that;-)
The anxiety is still here. Following me around like a black cloud. I wish this was easier, but such is the life of pregnancy after loss. I will be going off of work @ 34 weeks. I know the delivery is not until 36 weeks, but I need that time to myself to prepare, grieve, worry, and spend time staying busy. Maybe I can work a few more photo shoots in.
My doctor is very aware of my heightened anxiety, and has extended the invitation to stop in as many times as I need between now and the delivery. He says he would rather put my mind at ease then have me worrying at home. God love him!
Foster and I HAVE made progress on the nursery. I have hung shelves....well, I watched Foster hang shelves, folded and put away some of her clothes, hung the clothes that needed to be hung, and even hung a cute set of hooks on the wall that will hold a pony bridle, cowboy hat, bolo tie and dinner bell....just wait, it is adorable! I WILL post pictures as soon as the rest is done.
Today I am 32w4d and a little over three weeks away from my c-section. According to my dreams, I think I am getting a little anxious about not being entirely prepared for this child. Last night I had a dream my water broke, and Foster and I scrambled around trying to get our hospital bag together. I have not packed a thing!
Today, during my nap before work, I had a dream that I had twins, got home, and had NOTHING. I was breastfeeding in the tub for some reason, and the baby girl was a whole month older than the baby boy. Very strange! I don't need a dream analyst to know that my subconscious is worried about my unpreparedness.
I have upped my appointments to twice a week. We now have Non stress tests (NST) on Mondays and Thursdays. Last Thursday, at my 32 week appointment, I also had a growth ultra sound. Avaleen is weighing in at a whopping 4lbs6oz. EXACTLY on track for her gestational age. The funny part was that she was measuring in at 33 weeks because of her legs. That's right, she is a LONG baby! She is measuring in the 50% in every other category, but 87% for length. I am going to have one long and lean baby girl. Of course, my nickname as a little girl was "long and Lean Erin Kathleen". She was moving her mouth (no surprise there with me being her mother) and moving her eyebrows, and she has HAIR!!!
She has been passing her NSTs with flying colors. Until today. She still passed, don't worry, but she was being LAZY!! I think we caught her in the middle of a nap. Her heart rate looked like a solid flat line, staying consistently in the 130s, and she only had a few ticks on the fetal movement. They like to see so many accelerations in 30 mins, and so many movements. It was a rainy day, and I don't blame her for wanting to sleep. So the nurse reached into a drawer and pulled out what looked like a little massager. She put it on my belly and it vibrated and made this loud, goofy noise. I was NOT expecting it, since they have never had to use it before on me, and I jumped, and so did Ava. She was MAD!! She is like her dad, and does NOT like to woken up! She kicked, and punched, and her heart rate went up the way they wanted to, but I could tell she was not happy. I will just have to make it clear to her when she gets out that it was NOT me who did that;-)
The anxiety is still here. Following me around like a black cloud. I wish this was easier, but such is the life of pregnancy after loss. I will be going off of work @ 34 weeks. I know the delivery is not until 36 weeks, but I need that time to myself to prepare, grieve, worry, and spend time staying busy. Maybe I can work a few more photo shoots in.
My doctor is very aware of my heightened anxiety, and has extended the invitation to stop in as many times as I need between now and the delivery. He says he would rather put my mind at ease then have me worrying at home. God love him!
Foster and I HAVE made progress on the nursery. I have hung shelves....well, I watched Foster hang shelves, folded and put away some of her clothes, hung the clothes that needed to be hung, and even hung a cute set of hooks on the wall that will hold a pony bridle, cowboy hat, bolo tie and dinner bell....just wait, it is adorable! I WILL post pictures as soon as the rest is done.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
"Life's Not Fair"~ Foster
As you can imagine, or at least my BLM moms who have carried a rainbow can imagine, my anxiety is starting to creep up. I have moments where it consumes me.
This morning as I was driving home from work, I started crying. My car rides home from work are usually my time to reflect, and often cry. Tears were streaming down my eyes out of anger this time. I was angry at the fact that Foster and I even have to be in a situation of such anxiety and stress.
I am in a strange place in regards to the other pregnant women around me. I feel a complete disconnect from those that are naively awaiting their little ones, those that will never know the reality of a dead baby. I am jealous.
As my pregnant friends are trying to decide how many onsies and diapers and which things to put on their registries, I am keeping all my purchases in a corner with the receipts...."just in case". The only items I have washed and put away are the ones that are non-returnable or were previously washed or purchased before Rosie passed.
They are getting anxious about the new addition to their family. They are wondering how they will juggle this little bundle of joy along with work, their other kids, finances, and how they will deal with the lack of sleep. I am just praying every night that I get to bring this child home, that I will get the opportunity to experience the sleepless nights.
Their biggest concerns right now is what type of delivery they will have, if they will go natural or have the dreaded c-section. I am just praying we make it to my c-section date!
As they are stressing over decor for the nursery, I am TRYING to get my nursery together, but at the same time, have the plot at the cemetery picked out in the event Ava will be sleeping there instead. I am hoping that my aunt, uncle and mom would agree to let her lay with my grandfather next to my grandmother so that she is next to Rosalynn. I know...I KNOW....morbid. But these are the thoughts of a Babyloss mom.
So as I drove home listening to "She Just thinks We're Fishin", I started pleading with God that Foster gets the chance to do these sorts of things with Ava. He confided in me the other morning that he is "Already falling in love with her." I don't want to let him down! I don't want to disappoint him again.
I am aware that Rosie's passing was not my fault, but it was my responsibility to keep her safe, my body's JOB to nourish and protect her, and it failed....I failed.
Realistically and statistically, I KNOW the odds of this happening again are soooooo slim, but it can happen...it DOES happen. As I sit here, Avaleen is kicking away, as if to tell me that everything will be alright; truth be told, I, along with a lot of you, have a great feeling about this little one. (And now I want to erase that sentence for fear I just jinxed myself). However, it angers me about how unfair it is that these thoughts have to even run through my head, that I even have to stress over losing another child. But as Foster said before kissing me goodbye this morning, "Life isn't fair, honey."
This morning as I was driving home from work, I started crying. My car rides home from work are usually my time to reflect, and often cry. Tears were streaming down my eyes out of anger this time. I was angry at the fact that Foster and I even have to be in a situation of such anxiety and stress.
I am in a strange place in regards to the other pregnant women around me. I feel a complete disconnect from those that are naively awaiting their little ones, those that will never know the reality of a dead baby. I am jealous.
As my pregnant friends are trying to decide how many onsies and diapers and which things to put on their registries, I am keeping all my purchases in a corner with the receipts...."just in case". The only items I have washed and put away are the ones that are non-returnable or were previously washed or purchased before Rosie passed.
They are getting anxious about the new addition to their family. They are wondering how they will juggle this little bundle of joy along with work, their other kids, finances, and how they will deal with the lack of sleep. I am just praying every night that I get to bring this child home, that I will get the opportunity to experience the sleepless nights.
Their biggest concerns right now is what type of delivery they will have, if they will go natural or have the dreaded c-section. I am just praying we make it to my c-section date!
As they are stressing over decor for the nursery, I am TRYING to get my nursery together, but at the same time, have the plot at the cemetery picked out in the event Ava will be sleeping there instead. I am hoping that my aunt, uncle and mom would agree to let her lay with my grandfather next to my grandmother so that she is next to Rosalynn. I know...I KNOW....morbid. But these are the thoughts of a Babyloss mom.
So as I drove home listening to "She Just thinks We're Fishin", I started pleading with God that Foster gets the chance to do these sorts of things with Ava. He confided in me the other morning that he is "Already falling in love with her." I don't want to let him down! I don't want to disappoint him again.
I am aware that Rosie's passing was not my fault, but it was my responsibility to keep her safe, my body's JOB to nourish and protect her, and it failed....I failed.
Realistically and statistically, I KNOW the odds of this happening again are soooooo slim, but it can happen...it DOES happen. As I sit here, Avaleen is kicking away, as if to tell me that everything will be alright; truth be told, I, along with a lot of you, have a great feeling about this little one. (And now I want to erase that sentence for fear I just jinxed myself). However, it angers me about how unfair it is that these thoughts have to even run through my head, that I even have to stress over losing another child. But as Foster said before kissing me goodbye this morning, "Life isn't fair, honey."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
31 weeks...5 weeks to go!!!
WOW!! It has been a WHILE since I last wrote. I think part of the problem is because I have fallen into the anxiety phase of a rainbow pregnancy. We are approaching 34weeks and 5 days VERY quickly, and my mood and actions are starting to reflect it. I have become a recluse. I don't want to talk on the phone, I don't feel like hanging out with anyone, but at the same time I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible.
I had my 31 week appointment today including a Non Stress Test (NST). Avaleen passed with flying colors. There was a short 1-2 second period where her heart rate dropped to the 80-90 range. Of course this concerned me, but the doctor said that is completely normal, it is when it happens multiple times in the 30 minutes where they become concerned. Her heart was a steady, strong 140 or above the rest of the time, and she was soooooo active.
Dr. C surprised me today. I am really starting to love this man. I know that we started off on shaky ground, but he is showing his good side...his understanding and compassionate side lately. We started talking about the delivery. This is what he said, "I want to let you know that this isn't going to be easy. Emotionally I mean. You are going to be soooo happy when Ava makes it here crying and alive, but then you are going to start grieving Rosalynn all over again. It is a VERY emotional situation...the birth after a late term loss." Then he looked at Foster and said, "The best thing for you to do is just be supportive, because it may not make sense to you why one minute she will be crying out of happiness and joy and the next out of guilt and resentment for not having this with your first daughter."
Amazing....this man is amazing. He gets it. He understands the emotions that I am and will be feeling. God love him!
We talked amnio. He asked me if I even wanted it, because he was willing to just take her at 36 weeks. I told him I would like one at 35. He said there is a 50/50 chance of her being ready at 35 weeks and as long as I was ready to walk away and go home for one week if the test came back that she wasn't ready, then he was more than willing to do it. I said I was, that I was already mentally preparing myself to go home for a week, but if she IS ready at 35 weeks, GREAT!! If not, no later than 36, he won't even repeat the test, just go in and take her. That means that it is official!! In no more than 5 weeks our little girl will be coming into the world!! 5 weeks...35 days! I honestly think she is destined to come on the 20th of October...it will be her sister's 18 month angelversary.
Your prayers are working! Please keep them coming for at least 5 more weeks. I thank every single one of you for the love and support that you have shown us over the past ALMOST 18 months. It has been a God send. I don't know how I would have survived the pain of losing Rosalynn and now the anxiety of carrying my rainbow without you.
31 week pictures:
I had my 31 week appointment today including a Non Stress Test (NST). Avaleen passed with flying colors. There was a short 1-2 second period where her heart rate dropped to the 80-90 range. Of course this concerned me, but the doctor said that is completely normal, it is when it happens multiple times in the 30 minutes where they become concerned. Her heart was a steady, strong 140 or above the rest of the time, and she was soooooo active.
Dr. C surprised me today. I am really starting to love this man. I know that we started off on shaky ground, but he is showing his good side...his understanding and compassionate side lately. We started talking about the delivery. This is what he said, "I want to let you know that this isn't going to be easy. Emotionally I mean. You are going to be soooo happy when Ava makes it here crying and alive, but then you are going to start grieving Rosalynn all over again. It is a VERY emotional situation...the birth after a late term loss." Then he looked at Foster and said, "The best thing for you to do is just be supportive, because it may not make sense to you why one minute she will be crying out of happiness and joy and the next out of guilt and resentment for not having this with your first daughter."
Amazing....this man is amazing. He gets it. He understands the emotions that I am and will be feeling. God love him!
We talked amnio. He asked me if I even wanted it, because he was willing to just take her at 36 weeks. I told him I would like one at 35. He said there is a 50/50 chance of her being ready at 35 weeks and as long as I was ready to walk away and go home for one week if the test came back that she wasn't ready, then he was more than willing to do it. I said I was, that I was already mentally preparing myself to go home for a week, but if she IS ready at 35 weeks, GREAT!! If not, no later than 36, he won't even repeat the test, just go in and take her. That means that it is official!! In no more than 5 weeks our little girl will be coming into the world!! 5 weeks...35 days! I honestly think she is destined to come on the 20th of October...it will be her sister's 18 month angelversary.
Your prayers are working! Please keep them coming for at least 5 more weeks. I thank every single one of you for the love and support that you have shown us over the past ALMOST 18 months. It has been a God send. I don't know how I would have survived the pain of losing Rosalynn and now the anxiety of carrying my rainbow without you.
31 week pictures:
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| People have said I don't look 31 weeks...the heck I don't!! lol...but my butt IS getting smaller!! Go me! lol |
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| My baby Avaleen...i don't think my aunt knew how true this shirt would be when she bought it for me during my last pregnancy. Ava truly will be a little Irish miracle!! |
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I think I need a Valium...or maybe a drink!!!
I don't know what snapped in me today. not sure if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or if I can blame the pregnancy hormones, or if it is stress and anxiety coming out in the form of rage, but I feel like I want to punch someone or something. No one in particular. I am not mad at my husband, or family, or one particular friend or another, I am just annoyed at EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
I was sitting at my desk at work, and even the sound of some of the nurses voices were grinding on my last nerve. One of my favorite doctors called me "Red" which has never bothered me, but I almost bit his head off and said "I have a name"...I didn't say this, but I REALLY wanted to.
My mom called to find out if everything was ok after my post last night, and I thought I was going to bite her head off. She asked me if everything was "okay".
For the record, I keep this blog so I DON'T have to call everyone every time something happens. I didn't want to worry my family, friends, or in laws so we didn't call ANYONE from the hospital. They were all pretty upset when they found out about it through my blog...but everything was fine in the end, so I didn't think it was necessary to call everyone and tell them what happened Sunday....guess I learned my lesson. (Most of you may be thinking the lesson I learned was to call my family first....well, the lesson is don't post it on the blog....lol...j/k mom, I will call next time I promise. Hopefully there isn't a next time).
Then I called my sister at her job, and pretty much picked a fight with her. You see, my mom's 60th birthday is on Saturday....oh, I mean her 30th! I was under the assumption that everyone would just make sure they were around for the monumental event. I made sure my day was clear. I made sure not to make any appointments with people for photo shoots...which by the way is REALLY hard since I have limited number of days left to shoot before Ava makes her entrance. I told Foster not to make any plans because we had to do something special with her....you only turn 60 once. Well, Bug has a wedding she is attending on Saturday. The girl has gone to more weddings this summer than I have attended my whole life. My argument point was that she COULD HAVE SAID NO. You don't have to feel obligated to go to every event you are invited to. Sure, the girl is a good friend, but this is your MOTHER's birthday! She started to defend herself and then told me she couldn't argue she was at work.
Why Not?!?! I was at work too! Okay, then again, probably NOT the best time to start an argument...I apologized, told her I knew I was being a total B**** and told her I loved her and would talk to her later.
Then Mr. JJ texted me to find out what we were doing on Saturday for my mom's b-day. I explained and he responded, "I will have to call her to wish her a happy birthday. The Buckeyes are playing".
REALLY...REALLY?!?!? The Buckeyes play EVERY SATURDAY during the fall....minus by-week...AND they aren't even that good this year!! PLUS....we are playing Toledo. It is going to be a blow out. I was yelling at him via text. At the same time I was telling him I was pissed at everything and not to take it personally, but was he really putting a stupid game ahead of my mom's birthday? It isn't every day a woman turns 30 for the 30th time!
I am sure if Foster is reading this, he is thrilled that I was at work and not at home where he would get into the path of my wrath. But don't think for one second he got off scott free.
He was supposed to run the half-marathon in Columbus in October. It was going to be around the time that Ava is born, but I wasn't too upset about that because it would only be a few hours out of the morning. Well, when he found out it was going to cost $55 as opposed to being free for the National Guard members like it has been every year in the past, he decided he didn't want to do it. Instead he asked me if it was okay if he ran the "Tough Mudder" in November. I naturally asked where it was. It is in Indiana!!! explain to me how forgoing the half marathon that costs $55 justifies spending not only the money to enter, but the money to GET TO INDIANA to run a race. Which of course will take him away from Ava and I for not just a few hours in the morning, but most likely for at least a day or two. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?!?!?
I may be completely overreacting in ALL of these situations, but in my current state I feel completely justified in my feelings. I have tried to calm myself down, but I feel as if there is a little monster deep inside of me wanting to break loose!! For the first time this pregnancy I feel like I have NO control over my emotions. I hope it passes, because I am usually such a pleasant pregnant lady. Not today! Meet Preggo Bitch!
Pray that when I wake up later today, that the monster has ran away and the nice, happy preggo is back in her place.
I was sitting at my desk at work, and even the sound of some of the nurses voices were grinding on my last nerve. One of my favorite doctors called me "Red" which has never bothered me, but I almost bit his head off and said "I have a name"...I didn't say this, but I REALLY wanted to.
My mom called to find out if everything was ok after my post last night, and I thought I was going to bite her head off. She asked me if everything was "okay".
For the record, I keep this blog so I DON'T have to call everyone every time something happens. I didn't want to worry my family, friends, or in laws so we didn't call ANYONE from the hospital. They were all pretty upset when they found out about it through my blog...but everything was fine in the end, so I didn't think it was necessary to call everyone and tell them what happened Sunday....guess I learned my lesson. (Most of you may be thinking the lesson I learned was to call my family first....well, the lesson is don't post it on the blog....lol...j/k mom, I will call next time I promise. Hopefully there isn't a next time).
Then I called my sister at her job, and pretty much picked a fight with her. You see, my mom's 60th birthday is on Saturday....oh, I mean her 30th! I was under the assumption that everyone would just make sure they were around for the monumental event. I made sure my day was clear. I made sure not to make any appointments with people for photo shoots...which by the way is REALLY hard since I have limited number of days left to shoot before Ava makes her entrance. I told Foster not to make any plans because we had to do something special with her....you only turn 60 once. Well, Bug has a wedding she is attending on Saturday. The girl has gone to more weddings this summer than I have attended my whole life. My argument point was that she COULD HAVE SAID NO. You don't have to feel obligated to go to every event you are invited to. Sure, the girl is a good friend, but this is your MOTHER's birthday! She started to defend herself and then told me she couldn't argue she was at work.
Why Not?!?! I was at work too! Okay, then again, probably NOT the best time to start an argument...I apologized, told her I knew I was being a total B**** and told her I loved her and would talk to her later.
Then Mr. JJ texted me to find out what we were doing on Saturday for my mom's b-day. I explained and he responded, "I will have to call her to wish her a happy birthday. The Buckeyes are playing".
REALLY...REALLY?!?!? The Buckeyes play EVERY SATURDAY during the fall....minus by-week...AND they aren't even that good this year!! PLUS....we are playing Toledo. It is going to be a blow out. I was yelling at him via text. At the same time I was telling him I was pissed at everything and not to take it personally, but was he really putting a stupid game ahead of my mom's birthday? It isn't every day a woman turns 30 for the 30th time!
I am sure if Foster is reading this, he is thrilled that I was at work and not at home where he would get into the path of my wrath. But don't think for one second he got off scott free.
He was supposed to run the half-marathon in Columbus in October. It was going to be around the time that Ava is born, but I wasn't too upset about that because it would only be a few hours out of the morning. Well, when he found out it was going to cost $55 as opposed to being free for the National Guard members like it has been every year in the past, he decided he didn't want to do it. Instead he asked me if it was okay if he ran the "Tough Mudder" in November. I naturally asked where it was. It is in Indiana!!! explain to me how forgoing the half marathon that costs $55 justifies spending not only the money to enter, but the money to GET TO INDIANA to run a race. Which of course will take him away from Ava and I for not just a few hours in the morning, but most likely for at least a day or two. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?!?!?
I may be completely overreacting in ALL of these situations, but in my current state I feel completely justified in my feelings. I have tried to calm myself down, but I feel as if there is a little monster deep inside of me wanting to break loose!! For the first time this pregnancy I feel like I have NO control over my emotions. I hope it passes, because I am usually such a pleasant pregnant lady. Not today! Meet Preggo Bitch!
Pray that when I wake up later today, that the monster has ran away and the nice, happy preggo is back in her place.
Monday, September 5, 2011
First Trip For a Crazy Momma to L&D
First I will start this post by saying EVERYTHING IS GREAT...just so my Mom and MIL don't have a heart attack when they read this.
Saturday was a BUSY day. Foster and I finally got motivated to clean the house. We cleaned from top to bottom which had not been done in at least 3 weeks. You know when stuff builds up and builds up and then it leaves you so overwhelmed yo don't know where to start....so you just don't? That is how I had been feeling about the house lately, so it was getting neglected. Plus, with our trip and how busy we have been, there has been no time.
3 hours we cleaned. It was exhausting, but sooo fulfilling to walk through a CLEAN house for at least 24 hours.
After the cleaning binge, we attended our annual neighborhood block party. The temperature index was over 100 degrees, but we still had a lot of fun. There were water balloon tossing contests, face painting, food, and even the local fire department showed up to hang show off the engine to the kids.
I guess all three of us had too much fun. Foster and I woke up Sunday lethargic and sluggish. We got ready for church and headed out. I noticed about 5 minutes into mass that I had not felt Ava move since I woke up around 7am to pee and started to get a little nervous. I figured, no big deal, I would just pay close attention during mass, because she usually perked up and kicked while I was singing.
No such luck. She was quiet. My anxiety started to increase. Foster and I were going to head to our Sunday brunch spot, but he wanted to stop off at home to put some items in the garage since it looked like the sky was going to open up at any moment and dump rain on us. I decided to take the opportunity to use my Doppler to put my mind at ease. As soon as I placed the probe on my stomach, I heard her heartbeat good and strong at a 140 beats per minute. All of the sudden it dropped. It was still there, and distinctly hers, but it slowed down to a point that my doppler was reading 40-60. It was NOT mine, mine was in the 90-100s because I was so anxious. I waited for it to go back up, searched for a faster heart beat with no avail.
I called my doctor. I felt so bad calling on a Sunday. As soon as I explained the situation, he mentioned that the movement was more of a concern for him than the doppler, and the decrease in movement was enough for me to go in and get a Non Stress Test. He said not to worry, because it could be a small malfunctioning in the doppler, and not to panic, but to make my way into L&D.
Foster and I headed to the hospital.
As we were driving, I felt a SLIGHT flutter, so my mind was put slightly at ease knowing that at least if something was wrong, she was still alive, and they could do something about it. However, a feeling of deja vu started to play over in my head. The most ridiculous thought crossed my mind, "If the desk lady tries to hand me the pediatrician list, I may lose it." You see, when we went in for Rosalynn, the sign in lady asked us if we had picked a pediatrician. We said no, and she handed us the list. I have purposefully avoiding looking at that list again for fear of planning too much and jinxing us.
We signed in, and of course the lady asked the question, "Do you have a pediatrician?" and started handing me the list.
"NO...TAKE IT BACK!" I snapped at her, "I don't want to see that list!"
Foster calmly told the lady we would pick a pediatrician when we felt it was necessary. Poor woman looked so confused, and I was on the verge of tears. I truly felt bad for her, but sometimes the weirdest things trigger babyloss parents, and for some reason that list did it to me.
She walked us back to the room, and I had to ask Foster if it was "the room" before I entered. He shook his head and pointed two doors down. "Thank God," I muttered as I headed in.
It seemed to take FOREVER for the nurse to come in, and I was dreading the search for Ava's heartbeat. Luckily, she found it right away. It was her nice, usual, STRONG 140. I breathed a sigh and thanked her profusely.
Now, I have one question....WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MY HISTORY EVERY TIME I GO TO THIS HOSPITAL?!?!? They enter all the information into the computer, you would THINK it would pop up when they pull up my info. BUT NOOOOOO...after finding Ava, we had to go through my entire history again. It is painstaking, and heartbreaking. I have gotten so used to talking about it, I almost feel like I sound cold and medical when I recount everything that happened. Almost as if I turn the medic mind on and the mommy mind off.
We sat and listened to our daughter's heartbeat for almost an hour. She was really still for the first 20-30 minutes, and then all of the sudden started dancing away. It was as if she just wanted to sleep in until 1:30 PM, and then she just woke up as if nothing was wrong. What a punk!
There were only a few normal decelerations in her heartbeat around 120, but that is still fine, and the doctor was pleased with everything. He also did a quick u/s to check my fluid levels, and they looked great too. The doctors and nurses were sooooo understanding. Not a single one made me feel crazy, and they even expressed to me that if I EVER had a concern to feel free to come in and see them or call them. They all said they would have done the same in my situation.
Foster was great. I felt guilty for unnecessarily worrying him. He never expressed his anxiety, but I knew it was there, because the second the heartbeat was on that monitor, he relaxed....and fell asleep to the thumping of his daughter's heartbeat. He woke up and said, "WOW! That was a great nap!".
I looked at the clock and laughed, "Honey, you were only asleep for 8 minutes!"
I guess the 8 minute nap is all he needed to feel refreshed. However, after all was cleared and we were waiting for discharge papers, time started to drag. He started to get antsy and agitated. He was hungry and tired. I just had to keep reminding him that although it was taking a while, at least we were not planning a surgery and 4 day stay because our daughter was gone.
Although it was scary, and triggered some STRONG memories and emotions, I am glad it happened now. Instead of all bad memories of that place, I am starting to build good memories. When I go in to deliver Ava, hopefully all the anxiety associated with L&D is gone, and we can just focus on the future without our last experience hanging over our head.
Personally, I think 29w3d is GREAT for my first freak out session....hopefully it will be the last, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is not;-)
Saturday was a BUSY day. Foster and I finally got motivated to clean the house. We cleaned from top to bottom which had not been done in at least 3 weeks. You know when stuff builds up and builds up and then it leaves you so overwhelmed yo don't know where to start....so you just don't? That is how I had been feeling about the house lately, so it was getting neglected. Plus, with our trip and how busy we have been, there has been no time.
3 hours we cleaned. It was exhausting, but sooo fulfilling to walk through a CLEAN house for at least 24 hours.
After the cleaning binge, we attended our annual neighborhood block party. The temperature index was over 100 degrees, but we still had a lot of fun. There were water balloon tossing contests, face painting, food, and even the local fire department showed up to hang show off the engine to the kids.
I guess all three of us had too much fun. Foster and I woke up Sunday lethargic and sluggish. We got ready for church and headed out. I noticed about 5 minutes into mass that I had not felt Ava move since I woke up around 7am to pee and started to get a little nervous. I figured, no big deal, I would just pay close attention during mass, because she usually perked up and kicked while I was singing.
No such luck. She was quiet. My anxiety started to increase. Foster and I were going to head to our Sunday brunch spot, but he wanted to stop off at home to put some items in the garage since it looked like the sky was going to open up at any moment and dump rain on us. I decided to take the opportunity to use my Doppler to put my mind at ease. As soon as I placed the probe on my stomach, I heard her heartbeat good and strong at a 140 beats per minute. All of the sudden it dropped. It was still there, and distinctly hers, but it slowed down to a point that my doppler was reading 40-60. It was NOT mine, mine was in the 90-100s because I was so anxious. I waited for it to go back up, searched for a faster heart beat with no avail.
I called my doctor. I felt so bad calling on a Sunday. As soon as I explained the situation, he mentioned that the movement was more of a concern for him than the doppler, and the decrease in movement was enough for me to go in and get a Non Stress Test. He said not to worry, because it could be a small malfunctioning in the doppler, and not to panic, but to make my way into L&D.
Foster and I headed to the hospital.
As we were driving, I felt a SLIGHT flutter, so my mind was put slightly at ease knowing that at least if something was wrong, she was still alive, and they could do something about it. However, a feeling of deja vu started to play over in my head. The most ridiculous thought crossed my mind, "If the desk lady tries to hand me the pediatrician list, I may lose it." You see, when we went in for Rosalynn, the sign in lady asked us if we had picked a pediatrician. We said no, and she handed us the list. I have purposefully avoiding looking at that list again for fear of planning too much and jinxing us.
We signed in, and of course the lady asked the question, "Do you have a pediatrician?" and started handing me the list.
"NO...TAKE IT BACK!" I snapped at her, "I don't want to see that list!"
Foster calmly told the lady we would pick a pediatrician when we felt it was necessary. Poor woman looked so confused, and I was on the verge of tears. I truly felt bad for her, but sometimes the weirdest things trigger babyloss parents, and for some reason that list did it to me.
She walked us back to the room, and I had to ask Foster if it was "the room" before I entered. He shook his head and pointed two doors down. "Thank God," I muttered as I headed in.
It seemed to take FOREVER for the nurse to come in, and I was dreading the search for Ava's heartbeat. Luckily, she found it right away. It was her nice, usual, STRONG 140. I breathed a sigh and thanked her profusely.
Now, I have one question....WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MY HISTORY EVERY TIME I GO TO THIS HOSPITAL?!?!? They enter all the information into the computer, you would THINK it would pop up when they pull up my info. BUT NOOOOOO...after finding Ava, we had to go through my entire history again. It is painstaking, and heartbreaking. I have gotten so used to talking about it, I almost feel like I sound cold and medical when I recount everything that happened. Almost as if I turn the medic mind on and the mommy mind off.
We sat and listened to our daughter's heartbeat for almost an hour. She was really still for the first 20-30 minutes, and then all of the sudden started dancing away. It was as if she just wanted to sleep in until 1:30 PM, and then she just woke up as if nothing was wrong. What a punk!
There were only a few normal decelerations in her heartbeat around 120, but that is still fine, and the doctor was pleased with everything. He also did a quick u/s to check my fluid levels, and they looked great too. The doctors and nurses were sooooo understanding. Not a single one made me feel crazy, and they even expressed to me that if I EVER had a concern to feel free to come in and see them or call them. They all said they would have done the same in my situation.
Foster was great. I felt guilty for unnecessarily worrying him. He never expressed his anxiety, but I knew it was there, because the second the heartbeat was on that monitor, he relaxed....and fell asleep to the thumping of his daughter's heartbeat. He woke up and said, "WOW! That was a great nap!".
I looked at the clock and laughed, "Honey, you were only asleep for 8 minutes!"
I guess the 8 minute nap is all he needed to feel refreshed. However, after all was cleared and we were waiting for discharge papers, time started to drag. He started to get antsy and agitated. He was hungry and tired. I just had to keep reminding him that although it was taking a while, at least we were not planning a surgery and 4 day stay because our daughter was gone.
Although it was scary, and triggered some STRONG memories and emotions, I am glad it happened now. Instead of all bad memories of that place, I am starting to build good memories. When I go in to deliver Ava, hopefully all the anxiety associated with L&D is gone, and we can just focus on the future without our last experience hanging over our head.
Personally, I think 29w3d is GREAT for my first freak out session....hopefully it will be the last, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is not;-)
Friday, September 2, 2011
29 Weeks
I am so sorry it has been over a week since my last update. If you remember, I was in the lovely state of Wisconsin, and I will tell you all about my amazing weekend, but since yesterday marked my 29 week mark, I will do the survey today.
Size of baby:
According to Babycenter, she should be about 2.5 lbs. Well, we all know from my last appointment, she was weighing in at a WHOPPING 2lbs10oz. SO I am guessing she is closer to 3lbs. She should be about 15 inches now.
Weight: I don't weigh myself every week, only when the doc weighs me. Last week I had only gained about 1lb, so up 13 this pregnancy....of course still have the 25 lbs from Rosalynn, but we won't count those this time:-)
Maternity clothes: seriously?!?! Have you seen my belly?!?!?
Sleep: Sleep has been going really well surprisingly. I slept great in Wisconsin in the hotel, and it has seemed to carry over back home too. I will take it! For we all know sleep will be hard to come by in a few weeks!
Best moment of the week: Yesterday I could officially say that I will, God willing, be bringing home a baby NEXT MONTH!!! How amazing does that sound?!?!?!
Movement: This is my favorite part about pregnancy! She is funny. Because she is Breech, her little head pops in and out from under my left rib. When I rub my belly, she will pop it out further...almost as if she likes having her head rubbed. I am afraid she is going to come out with a raspberry on her head from all the rubbing. At least I will know what makes her relax:-)
Symptoms: Gestational Diabetes that is staying under control with diet, sciatic nerve pain that I have gotten ALOT of relief from physical therapy. I also all of the sudden feel AMAZING lately. The past 2-3 weeks I have felt better than I ever have in either pregnancies. I am wondering if it is because of the diabetic diet. Keeping my sugars under control and losing a few pounds has made all the difference.
I did have a slight scare for about 1/2 a day. I took my sugar and it was reading lower than it usually does. The night of the formal dinner in Wisconsin and said "screw it" to my diet. I explained to Foster that if my sugar was a little high ONCE the entire pregnancy, and I explained to my doc why, I am sure he would not scold me too bad. So I enjoyed the ENTIRE meal to include mashed potatoes and three mini desserts. Now, it was probably a blessing that each mini dessert was literally 1-2 bites a piece. 2 hours after dinner I took out my meter and told Foster to guess what it would be. He said 140, I said 150. It was 106. I immediately freaked out. My sugars are never that good even when I steer clear of heavy carbs. The first thing that went through my head was that half the placenta was dead like with Rosalynn. The placenta is what causes your sugars to go up with GD because it makes a lot of sugar on it's own. I whipped out the doppler, and her HB sounded strange. It was steady at 150-160, but sounded far away. I think she either had her back turned to me or was sitting far back. This caused me enough worry that I lost sleep and told Foster that if my "test" the next morning proved I was no longer diabetic, I would call the doc first thing.
So I woke up and had the biggest Belgium waffle with REAL sugar syrup on it. Sure enough, 2 hours later my blood sugar was 160. I was ecstatic. I NEVER thought in a million years I would be excited about a high blood sugar. Foster thought it was quite humerus. However, this increase in BS proved to me that the placenta was full and the night before I guess was my get out of jail free card....and then I had to blow it with a waffle!
Food cravings/aversions: anything sweet....which I can't indulge in.
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in, however, it is flattening out, and I have a feeling it WILL pop this time around.
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: Nothing at the moment!
What I am looking forward to: My first non-stress test next week. I have never had one.
Weekly wisdom: Don't feel bad when you can't "keep up" with all the young, non-pregnant party goers. It is OK to turn in early, and if you are blessed like I am, you will have a husband who wants to turn in early with you.
Pic Week 29:
Mom and Dave says it looks like I REALLY popped all belly this week.
Size of baby:
According to Babycenter, she should be about 2.5 lbs. Well, we all know from my last appointment, she was weighing in at a WHOPPING 2lbs10oz. SO I am guessing she is closer to 3lbs. She should be about 15 inches now.
Weight: I don't weigh myself every week, only when the doc weighs me. Last week I had only gained about 1lb, so up 13 this pregnancy....of course still have the 25 lbs from Rosalynn, but we won't count those this time:-)
Maternity clothes: seriously?!?! Have you seen my belly?!?!?
Sleep: Sleep has been going really well surprisingly. I slept great in Wisconsin in the hotel, and it has seemed to carry over back home too. I will take it! For we all know sleep will be hard to come by in a few weeks!
Best moment of the week: Yesterday I could officially say that I will, God willing, be bringing home a baby NEXT MONTH!!! How amazing does that sound?!?!?!
Movement: This is my favorite part about pregnancy! She is funny. Because she is Breech, her little head pops in and out from under my left rib. When I rub my belly, she will pop it out further...almost as if she likes having her head rubbed. I am afraid she is going to come out with a raspberry on her head from all the rubbing. At least I will know what makes her relax:-)
Symptoms: Gestational Diabetes that is staying under control with diet, sciatic nerve pain that I have gotten ALOT of relief from physical therapy. I also all of the sudden feel AMAZING lately. The past 2-3 weeks I have felt better than I ever have in either pregnancies. I am wondering if it is because of the diabetic diet. Keeping my sugars under control and losing a few pounds has made all the difference.
I did have a slight scare for about 1/2 a day. I took my sugar and it was reading lower than it usually does. The night of the formal dinner in Wisconsin and said "screw it" to my diet. I explained to Foster that if my sugar was a little high ONCE the entire pregnancy, and I explained to my doc why, I am sure he would not scold me too bad. So I enjoyed the ENTIRE meal to include mashed potatoes and three mini desserts. Now, it was probably a blessing that each mini dessert was literally 1-2 bites a piece. 2 hours after dinner I took out my meter and told Foster to guess what it would be. He said 140, I said 150. It was 106. I immediately freaked out. My sugars are never that good even when I steer clear of heavy carbs. The first thing that went through my head was that half the placenta was dead like with Rosalynn. The placenta is what causes your sugars to go up with GD because it makes a lot of sugar on it's own. I whipped out the doppler, and her HB sounded strange. It was steady at 150-160, but sounded far away. I think she either had her back turned to me or was sitting far back. This caused me enough worry that I lost sleep and told Foster that if my "test" the next morning proved I was no longer diabetic, I would call the doc first thing.
So I woke up and had the biggest Belgium waffle with REAL sugar syrup on it. Sure enough, 2 hours later my blood sugar was 160. I was ecstatic. I NEVER thought in a million years I would be excited about a high blood sugar. Foster thought it was quite humerus. However, this increase in BS proved to me that the placenta was full and the night before I guess was my get out of jail free card....and then I had to blow it with a waffle!
Food cravings/aversions: anything sweet....which I can't indulge in.
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in, however, it is flattening out, and I have a feeling it WILL pop this time around.
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: Nothing at the moment!
What I am looking forward to: My first non-stress test next week. I have never had one.
Weekly wisdom: Don't feel bad when you can't "keep up" with all the young, non-pregnant party goers. It is OK to turn in early, and if you are blessed like I am, you will have a husband who wants to turn in early with you.
Pic Week 29:
Thursday, August 25, 2011
28 Week Appointment
Wow! I am exhausted, but had an amazing day!
I got off work at six in the morning and headed to my sister's house to catch a nap before my nine o'clock appointment. We headed out to meet Foster at the office, and anxiously awaited to see our little girl.
I got the dreaded weigh in, BP and urine test. Everything looked great! My BP is holding steady at a nice 117/70 and I have gained 17 lbs so far. This is a little higher than I would like, but WAY below what I had gained with Rosie. Remember, I gained 58 lbs in 34 weeks with Rosalynn's pregnancy. My feet were a little swollen from working the past three nights, so it may account for the 3 pound gain from 2 weeks ago, but I am not going to dwell on it, as long as Avaleen looks healthy and my sugars are under control.
My sugars are doing well. The doctor was a little concerned about my fasting Blood sugars being a little high. They have been running between 90 and 112. THey should be between 60 and 90. My regular blood sugars are doing great! They are supposed to be between 90 and 120, and I have only had a couple "high" readings close to 130 because I have tested to see if my body could handle certain foods. Once I realize it can't I never eat them again. It is a constant balancing act. IF my fasting blood sugars continue to be high, the doc thinks a simple pill called glyburide taken before bed will keep them under control. I am GLAD the words "insulin shots" was never uttered!!
Now onto the fun part! We had a great growth scan. Ava cooperated and we got some GREAT photos! She had a full bladder which is a great discovery because that means her kidneys are working. She is weighing in at a WHOPPING 2lbs10oz!!! The average for a 28 weeker is 2lbs3oz so she is just about right on track! Her heart looks great and brain, she is definitely fattening up a little and she has the cutest chubby cheeks. She is still a girl, which is always a relief. Foster and Bug had fun watching her, and I loved feeling her everytime we saw her move.
They decided to do a cervicle check with the internal probe. I wasn't worried about a short cervix or early dialation. When we lost Rosie and my doc checked it, she said it could take 3 days to put me into labor because my cervix was like Fort Knox. Sure enough, long and closed! Very ressuring that Ava plans on staying in there a little while longer.
I start my Non Stress Tests in 2 weeks. We also talked about steroids and the amnio. He plans on doing steroids, but with the Gestational Diabetes the steroids could possibly raise my sugar. He said in order to keep an eye on this and have the insulin or medication it may take to level it out, he will prbably admit me to the hospital for the injections. I have no issue with this. Many women hate the idea of spending time in the hospital, but to me, it is my second home. I work in one, and am suprisingly comfortable in them. I think it helps that I know a lot of the people who work there and know my way around. I don't get that "trapped" feeling that many people feel when admitted to the hospital. Plus, I feel safe because if anything were to God forbid turn bad, I would be right there with all the resources I need!
Without further ado....here are some pics!
I got off work at six in the morning and headed to my sister's house to catch a nap before my nine o'clock appointment. We headed out to meet Foster at the office, and anxiously awaited to see our little girl.
I got the dreaded weigh in, BP and urine test. Everything looked great! My BP is holding steady at a nice 117/70 and I have gained 17 lbs so far. This is a little higher than I would like, but WAY below what I had gained with Rosie. Remember, I gained 58 lbs in 34 weeks with Rosalynn's pregnancy. My feet were a little swollen from working the past three nights, so it may account for the 3 pound gain from 2 weeks ago, but I am not going to dwell on it, as long as Avaleen looks healthy and my sugars are under control.
My sugars are doing well. The doctor was a little concerned about my fasting Blood sugars being a little high. They have been running between 90 and 112. THey should be between 60 and 90. My regular blood sugars are doing great! They are supposed to be between 90 and 120, and I have only had a couple "high" readings close to 130 because I have tested to see if my body could handle certain foods. Once I realize it can't I never eat them again. It is a constant balancing act. IF my fasting blood sugars continue to be high, the doc thinks a simple pill called glyburide taken before bed will keep them under control. I am GLAD the words "insulin shots" was never uttered!!
Now onto the fun part! We had a great growth scan. Ava cooperated and we got some GREAT photos! She had a full bladder which is a great discovery because that means her kidneys are working. She is weighing in at a WHOPPING 2lbs10oz!!! The average for a 28 weeker is 2lbs3oz so she is just about right on track! Her heart looks great and brain, she is definitely fattening up a little and she has the cutest chubby cheeks. She is still a girl, which is always a relief. Foster and Bug had fun watching her, and I loved feeling her everytime we saw her move.
They decided to do a cervicle check with the internal probe. I wasn't worried about a short cervix or early dialation. When we lost Rosie and my doc checked it, she said it could take 3 days to put me into labor because my cervix was like Fort Knox. Sure enough, long and closed! Very ressuring that Ava plans on staying in there a little while longer.
I start my Non Stress Tests in 2 weeks. We also talked about steroids and the amnio. He plans on doing steroids, but with the Gestational Diabetes the steroids could possibly raise my sugar. He said in order to keep an eye on this and have the insulin or medication it may take to level it out, he will prbably admit me to the hospital for the injections. I have no issue with this. Many women hate the idea of spending time in the hospital, but to me, it is my second home. I work in one, and am suprisingly comfortable in them. I think it helps that I know a lot of the people who work there and know my way around. I don't get that "trapped" feeling that many people feel when admitted to the hospital. Plus, I feel safe because if anything were to God forbid turn bad, I would be right there with all the resources I need!
Without further ado....here are some pics!
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| sweet profile picture...looks like a knee or elbow up in her face. |
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| Her little tootsies!! how cue are they?!?!?! i want to eat them all up!! |
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| this is the frontal view. Her eyes are closed. I think she was sleeping...but LOOK at those cheeks!! I just want to kisss and pinch them!!! |
Thursday, August 18, 2011
27 Weeks Survey
Size of baby: She should be around 2 pounds now. However, 3 weeks ago during the u/s, the tech said she was measuring 1lb7oz....so she could be bigger:-) I guess we will find out at her next growth u/s next week.
Weight: I am currently up 12 lbs. Thanks to losing about 6 since getting Gestational Diabetes 3 weeks ago.
Maternity clothes: seriously?!?! It is all I live in. I need to find a nice dress for a formal military dinner next week...that could be a challenge!
Sleep: Sleep is getting harder to come by. It is getting harder to roll over and shift positions the bigger my belly gets. But that is okay, because it is fun to wake up in the middle of the night and feel my baby girl kicking and dancing in my belly!!
Best moment of the week: Pretty uneventful week....I guess making it to 27 weeks! 1 more to go till 3rd trimester!!
Movement: TONS of movement. I am blessed she is an active one, less worry for me. However, she really likes to stretch, and that can get a little uncomfortable.
Symptoms: Gestational Diabetes that is staying under control with diet, sciatic nerve pain that I have gotten ALOT of relief from physical therapy last week. She taught me a few good stretches, and so far it is helping!
Food cravings/aversions: Well, now that I can't have sweets, of COURSE that is all I want to have!! I crave just about everything I can't eat! Oh well, 7-9 weeks left, I can do it!
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in, however, I did notice today that it is getting REALLY shallow!
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: My husband. He is gone AGAIN! UGH!
What I am looking forward to: My next growth scan next week!
Weekly wisdom: There are only 2 items at the fair that are diabetes friendly: Steak on a stick, and chicken on a stick.....oh, and the BIG turkey leg...not a whole lot of fun to go to a fair when you can't eat the food!!!
Dream of the week: Ohhhhh....I had a GOOD one this past week, but can't remember it! I have been having TONS of dreams with all my exes in them though...what do you think that means?!?!?!
Picture: 27 week pic:
I purposefully left my face out b/c I look hideous w/ no makeup today...but LOOK at that Belly!!!
Weight: I am currently up 12 lbs. Thanks to losing about 6 since getting Gestational Diabetes 3 weeks ago.
Maternity clothes: seriously?!?! It is all I live in. I need to find a nice dress for a formal military dinner next week...that could be a challenge!
Sleep: Sleep is getting harder to come by. It is getting harder to roll over and shift positions the bigger my belly gets. But that is okay, because it is fun to wake up in the middle of the night and feel my baby girl kicking and dancing in my belly!!
Best moment of the week: Pretty uneventful week....I guess making it to 27 weeks! 1 more to go till 3rd trimester!!
Movement: TONS of movement. I am blessed she is an active one, less worry for me. However, she really likes to stretch, and that can get a little uncomfortable.
Symptoms: Gestational Diabetes that is staying under control with diet, sciatic nerve pain that I have gotten ALOT of relief from physical therapy last week. She taught me a few good stretches, and so far it is helping!
Food cravings/aversions: Well, now that I can't have sweets, of COURSE that is all I want to have!! I crave just about everything I can't eat! Oh well, 7-9 weeks left, I can do it!
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in, however, I did notice today that it is getting REALLY shallow!
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: My husband. He is gone AGAIN! UGH!
What I am looking forward to: My next growth scan next week!
Weekly wisdom: There are only 2 items at the fair that are diabetes friendly: Steak on a stick, and chicken on a stick.....oh, and the BIG turkey leg...not a whole lot of fun to go to a fair when you can't eat the food!!!
Dream of the week: Ohhhhh....I had a GOOD one this past week, but can't remember it! I have been having TONS of dreams with all my exes in them though...what do you think that means?!?!?!
Picture: 27 week pic:
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Unmotivated....Need Advice
I am 27 weeks in Thursday. Although it seems too early in a NORMAL pregnancy to start packing hospital bags and finishing up the nursery, I have to remember I am giving birth early. I am down to 7-9 weeks. When am I supposed to start all of this?!?!? I have a some-what finished nursery, but there are still things that need to be done. I want to declutter my house and make room for all the baby items. We have accumulated so much random stuff over the past 2 years, that most of it just takes up soon to be much needed space.
Here is a list of the things I need to do:
In the nursery I need to re-wash all the fabrics since that room has not been touched since April 2010. I need to dust all the furniture, because I ran my finger over the crib, and there is a lager 1/2 inch thick. I need to clear out the closet that everything was just thrown in after losing Rosalynn. Organize diapers into the different places I will need them (changing table, Pack and Play in the living room, etc). I also nee to apply the second wall script that was never applied last April, the "You are my Sunshine" that will be over the dresser/changing table. I also need to put the wall shelves up that will hold all the cute horse themes decorations around the room, and hang a couple pictures. Then I need to rewash all of the clothes Rosie never got to wear that have been sitting in the basement and hang them in the closet along with Ava's new clothes. After this, the nursery SHOULD be done.
With the house, we have to make it baby ready. We need to move the gun case upstairs because where it sits is where my Pack and Play will go, and we still have the stroller to set up. I have to to get decluttered, and deep clean the house. Now, luckily for me, my mom's housekeeper said she would come in while I am still in the hospital, since I will have a 4 day stay, and clean the house for me. However, I can't have it all cluttered. Yes, I am one of THOSE women that clean the house BEFORE the housekeeper come over. I am looking forward to this because then when Foster and I get home, all we need to worry about is bonding as a new family.
My hospital bag! Oh my! Well, last time there was no hospital bag. It was a quick trip to make sure that everything was okay that turned into a devastating four day stay in the hospital. I had the clothes on my back, and that was it. I managed. Foster brought the laptop and a few items for me to use while there, but for the most part, the hospital provided a lot of items I needed. This time I want some comforts from home. For instance, I want my own pillows, and maybe our fuzzy blue blanket from our bed. I already have a coming home outfit for Ava, but other than that, I am at a total loss. I have NO CLUE what to pack! I found a few lists from a couple blogs, but would LOVE your advice. for those of you who have stayed in the hospital after giving birth, what did you bring? What did you use, and what could you have left behind. Remember, I will be there for 4 days because of my c-section. What all do I bring for Avaleen? For myself?
WOW!!! re-reading all of this, I still have ALOT to do!! Foster and I leave for Milwalkee and get back on the first of August. I think I will have to sit down and REALLY focus and get things done. I am just soooo nervous because I don't want to feel like I am jinxing myself! 7-9 weeks...WOW! Not much time....
Here is a list of the things I need to do:
In the nursery I need to re-wash all the fabrics since that room has not been touched since April 2010. I need to dust all the furniture, because I ran my finger over the crib, and there is a lager 1/2 inch thick. I need to clear out the closet that everything was just thrown in after losing Rosalynn. Organize diapers into the different places I will need them (changing table, Pack and Play in the living room, etc). I also nee to apply the second wall script that was never applied last April, the "You are my Sunshine" that will be over the dresser/changing table. I also need to put the wall shelves up that will hold all the cute horse themes decorations around the room, and hang a couple pictures. Then I need to rewash all of the clothes Rosie never got to wear that have been sitting in the basement and hang them in the closet along with Ava's new clothes. After this, the nursery SHOULD be done.
With the house, we have to make it baby ready. We need to move the gun case upstairs because where it sits is where my Pack and Play will go, and we still have the stroller to set up. I have to to get decluttered, and deep clean the house. Now, luckily for me, my mom's housekeeper said she would come in while I am still in the hospital, since I will have a 4 day stay, and clean the house for me. However, I can't have it all cluttered. Yes, I am one of THOSE women that clean the house BEFORE the housekeeper come over. I am looking forward to this because then when Foster and I get home, all we need to worry about is bonding as a new family.
My hospital bag! Oh my! Well, last time there was no hospital bag. It was a quick trip to make sure that everything was okay that turned into a devastating four day stay in the hospital. I had the clothes on my back, and that was it. I managed. Foster brought the laptop and a few items for me to use while there, but for the most part, the hospital provided a lot of items I needed. This time I want some comforts from home. For instance, I want my own pillows, and maybe our fuzzy blue blanket from our bed. I already have a coming home outfit for Ava, but other than that, I am at a total loss. I have NO CLUE what to pack! I found a few lists from a couple blogs, but would LOVE your advice. for those of you who have stayed in the hospital after giving birth, what did you bring? What did you use, and what could you have left behind. Remember, I will be there for 4 days because of my c-section. What all do I bring for Avaleen? For myself?
WOW!!! re-reading all of this, I still have ALOT to do!! Foster and I leave for Milwalkee and get back on the first of August. I think I will have to sit down and REALLY focus and get things done. I am just soooo nervous because I don't want to feel like I am jinxing myself! 7-9 weeks...WOW! Not much time....
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Quick Update on Avaleen and Me
Sorry I have been a little absent lately. I have been keeping busy with photos and editing, spending time with family and Foster. He has been out of town on and off the past couple weeks and is leaving again, so trying to get every minute of time with him.
This past week I started getting sick on Monday. I BARELY made it through my 12 hour shift on Monday night, and went home dead as a doornail. I ended up calling off Tuesday and Wednesday because I just got worse! I was lucky to get into my doctor's office on Wednesday, and he let me know what I could take. It was frustrating, because everything I have been told I could take during pregnancy had "Do Not take if diabetic or have thyroid disease" on the package. I have BOTH, so I was at a loss on what I COULD take, so I didn't take anything until Dr. C told me what I could take.
We discussed the plan a little further. He said instead of 32 weeks starting the Non Stress Tests, he is starting at 30. He also said that I might as well put my leave paperwork in for work at the 34 week mark when we are scheduled to do the amnio, because hopefully we will be delivering that day, but if not, shortly after. CRAZY!! Crazy to think she will be here in 8-10 weeks!!
My sugars have been good and completely manageable by diet alone, so that is comforting.Dr. C says that it could get worse further into the pregnancy as the placenta gets bigger, but hopefully since we will be delivering early, this won't be the case. Every time I want that chocolate cake, milkshake, or ice cream, I just think how it is in Ava's best interest for me to abstain. I kind of stinks, because there are so many restrictions on pregnant women as it is, our only true source of enjoyment is food, but this sacrifice will all be worth it! I can do it for another 8-10 weeks.
I got my new computer, but wait until I tell you about the fiasco we went through the first week I owned it. I was about ready to throw it out the window! I am sooooo happy to finally have it, because I can edit and process pictures SOOOOOO much faster. This is going to come in handy since I will have 4 shoots in the next week. I have two newborn shoots tomorrow, and a pre-deployment shoot next week and a family shoot also next week. Guess what the best part is? I am getting paid finally for my work!! I will post the link to the pics once I post them next week.
I will do a pregnancy survey update with a belly shot at 27 weeks, because Foster and I are about to head out the door.
This past week I started getting sick on Monday. I BARELY made it through my 12 hour shift on Monday night, and went home dead as a doornail. I ended up calling off Tuesday and Wednesday because I just got worse! I was lucky to get into my doctor's office on Wednesday, and he let me know what I could take. It was frustrating, because everything I have been told I could take during pregnancy had "Do Not take if diabetic or have thyroid disease" on the package. I have BOTH, so I was at a loss on what I COULD take, so I didn't take anything until Dr. C told me what I could take.
We discussed the plan a little further. He said instead of 32 weeks starting the Non Stress Tests, he is starting at 30. He also said that I might as well put my leave paperwork in for work at the 34 week mark when we are scheduled to do the amnio, because hopefully we will be delivering that day, but if not, shortly after. CRAZY!! Crazy to think she will be here in 8-10 weeks!!
My sugars have been good and completely manageable by diet alone, so that is comforting.Dr. C says that it could get worse further into the pregnancy as the placenta gets bigger, but hopefully since we will be delivering early, this won't be the case. Every time I want that chocolate cake, milkshake, or ice cream, I just think how it is in Ava's best interest for me to abstain. I kind of stinks, because there are so many restrictions on pregnant women as it is, our only true source of enjoyment is food, but this sacrifice will all be worth it! I can do it for another 8-10 weeks.
I got my new computer, but wait until I tell you about the fiasco we went through the first week I owned it. I was about ready to throw it out the window! I am sooooo happy to finally have it, because I can edit and process pictures SOOOOOO much faster. This is going to come in handy since I will have 4 shoots in the next week. I have two newborn shoots tomorrow, and a pre-deployment shoot next week and a family shoot also next week. Guess what the best part is? I am getting paid finally for my work!! I will post the link to the pics once I post them next week.
I will do a pregnancy survey update with a belly shot at 27 weeks, because Foster and I are about to head out the door.
Monday, August 1, 2011
24 Weeks and a Plan!
Sorry this is a few days late, but I have been a bit busy this weekend. the 24 week appointment went GREAT!! It was soooo refreshing. It was as if Dr. C had read all of my posts complaining about him.
We got about 30 minutes of screen time watching my precious daughter kicking and wriggling while the tech made sure she was measuring on target. Everything looked great, and I was so excited because my mom was able to come along, and it was great watching her watch her grandchild.
I also had to take the dreaded glucose test for this appointment. Which I failed miserably! they didn't even bother doing the 3 hour, the doctor just set me up with a nutrition appointment, and I called to order my supplies. Dr. C told me he was not totally surprised because I was diagnosed with the hypothyroidism, and unfortunately, I had a higher risk of getting GD because of this. HE also said I shouldn't feel bad, because there really wasn't anything I could have done to prevent it, that either your body can handle making the extra insulin for baby, or it can't. In my case, my pancreas couldn't handle it.
When Dr. C walked in, he called me "Mrs. Foster" and never once called me "miss". I asked him if I could get an idea of delivery and he said no later than 36 weeks. I asked him about the amnio and delivery around 34, and he said absolutely! I also then asked him what the plan from here on out is in terms of testing and scans. Here is what he said the plan is from here on out:
This week nutritionist apt for my GD.
26 weeks: Visit with him to go over my sugars and normal check up.
28: Growth Scan
32 weeks: Growth scan and begin 2x a week Non-Stress Tests
34 weeks: Amnio and possible delivery
36 weeks: Ava is born if not before.
I can't believe that in 9-11 weeks we will be holding our beautiful baby girl. My prayers have increased as I have gotten further along, and my anxiety is starting to creep up, but Dr. C and I can only do so much...the rest we have to trust in God's hands. Please keep the prayers coming.
24 Week Survey
Size of baby: During the u/s, the tech said she was measuring 1lb7oz. Grow baby Grow!!!
Maternity clothes: I have a few maxi dresses that are not technically maternity, but everything else is!
Sleep: As long as I sleep with the pillow between my legs to relieve my sciatic pain, I am fine, and can sleep pretty sound other than the couple trips to the bathroom....and these trips seem to be increasing every week!
Best moment of the week: Seeing Ava again, and making sure she is still a she:-)
Movement: She is getting SOOOO strong. it is fun to watch my belly vibrate as she kicks, and Foster will put his face on my belly to talk to her, and she will move for him...it is so precious!
Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain in my right butt cheek that is LITERALLY a pain in the butt it has also caused some extreme hip pain! Feet swelling, and now, Gestational Diabetes....or as Foster calls it "Live"betes.
Food cravings/aversions: Well, now that I can't have sweets, of COURSE that is all I want to have!! I bought sugar free PB and sugar free jelly so at least I can still have those. I also found some sugar free cookies and ice cream bars today. Hope they keep those intense cravings at bay!
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: My husband. He has been gone so much for work, we figured out I will only see him a total of 6-8 days the entire month of August. I am sad, because he is missing out on so much! He missed the 24 week scan, probably will miss the 28 week scan, and misses everyday of watching her kick and move and dance in my belly. I give props to those military wives who do this during deployments...where it is possible for their husbands to miss the entire 9 months!
What I am looking forward to: My next u/s in 3 weeks...I just cant get enough of watching her;-)
Weekly wisdom: Don't beat yourself up if you do get diagnosed with GD. It is NOT your fault. MOST likely it will correct itself after baby is born.
Dream of the week: I had a dream about some of my BLM friends and I spending a day at the beach. It was really a nice dream. We all had our rainbow babies, and they were playing in the sand and water.
Picture: Let me know if you see what I see....I think she was mad at all the poking and prodding, b/c it looks like Ava is flipping us off!!!
We got about 30 minutes of screen time watching my precious daughter kicking and wriggling while the tech made sure she was measuring on target. Everything looked great, and I was so excited because my mom was able to come along, and it was great watching her watch her grandchild.
I also had to take the dreaded glucose test for this appointment. Which I failed miserably! they didn't even bother doing the 3 hour, the doctor just set me up with a nutrition appointment, and I called to order my supplies. Dr. C told me he was not totally surprised because I was diagnosed with the hypothyroidism, and unfortunately, I had a higher risk of getting GD because of this. HE also said I shouldn't feel bad, because there really wasn't anything I could have done to prevent it, that either your body can handle making the extra insulin for baby, or it can't. In my case, my pancreas couldn't handle it.
When Dr. C walked in, he called me "Mrs. Foster" and never once called me "miss". I asked him if I could get an idea of delivery and he said no later than 36 weeks. I asked him about the amnio and delivery around 34, and he said absolutely! I also then asked him what the plan from here on out is in terms of testing and scans. Here is what he said the plan is from here on out:
This week nutritionist apt for my GD.
26 weeks: Visit with him to go over my sugars and normal check up.
28: Growth Scan
32 weeks: Growth scan and begin 2x a week Non-Stress Tests
34 weeks: Amnio and possible delivery
36 weeks: Ava is born if not before.
I can't believe that in 9-11 weeks we will be holding our beautiful baby girl. My prayers have increased as I have gotten further along, and my anxiety is starting to creep up, but Dr. C and I can only do so much...the rest we have to trust in God's hands. Please keep the prayers coming.
24 Week Survey
Size of baby: During the u/s, the tech said she was measuring 1lb7oz. Grow baby Grow!!!
Maternity clothes: I have a few maxi dresses that are not technically maternity, but everything else is!
Sleep: As long as I sleep with the pillow between my legs to relieve my sciatic pain, I am fine, and can sleep pretty sound other than the couple trips to the bathroom....and these trips seem to be increasing every week!
Best moment of the week: Seeing Ava again, and making sure she is still a she:-)
Movement: She is getting SOOOO strong. it is fun to watch my belly vibrate as she kicks, and Foster will put his face on my belly to talk to her, and she will move for him...it is so precious!
Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain in my right butt cheek that is LITERALLY a pain in the butt it has also caused some extreme hip pain! Feet swelling, and now, Gestational Diabetes....or as Foster calls it "Live"betes.
Food cravings/aversions: Well, now that I can't have sweets, of COURSE that is all I want to have!! I bought sugar free PB and sugar free jelly so at least I can still have those. I also found some sugar free cookies and ice cream bars today. Hope they keep those intense cravings at bay!
Gender: Still a Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in
Stretch marks: They wont stop appearing!! I am going to look like and 80 year old woman when this is all said and done!
What I miss: My husband. He has been gone so much for work, we figured out I will only see him a total of 6-8 days the entire month of August. I am sad, because he is missing out on so much! He missed the 24 week scan, probably will miss the 28 week scan, and misses everyday of watching her kick and move and dance in my belly. I give props to those military wives who do this during deployments...where it is possible for their husbands to miss the entire 9 months!
What I am looking forward to: My next u/s in 3 weeks...I just cant get enough of watching her;-)
Weekly wisdom: Don't beat yourself up if you do get diagnosed with GD. It is NOT your fault. MOST likely it will correct itself after baby is born.
Dream of the week: I had a dream about some of my BLM friends and I spending a day at the beach. It was really a nice dream. We all had our rainbow babies, and they were playing in the sand and water.
Picture: Let me know if you see what I see....I think she was mad at all the poking and prodding, b/c it looks like Ava is flipping us off!!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Baby and Photography and Auctions
I have been keeping busy. I have been TRYING to make the time go faster. I am torn between wanting to relish in every second of this pregnancy and wanting it to fly by in order to hold my beautiful Avaleen in my arms.
Foster is so busy with his new position at his unit, that he has been gone more than he has been home. He will be gone a total of 20+ days in August, and probably about the same in September. This just makes my time seem to drag by even slower, and makes me go crazier, because he has a nack for bringing me back to reality and calming me down.
To counter his absence, I have planned a little get a way myself. I will be visiting my aunt in PA. She is an actress, and performing in "Pride and Prejudice" at the Shakespearean festival in Center Valley, PA. Foster isn't thrilled about me traveling by myself for so many hours, but I HAVE to get out! I am going stir crazy!!
I am at this weird point in the pregnancy. Coming up on 24 weeks tomorrow, I WOULD have been starting to pick out furniture, and started nursery plans, but that is all done from Rosie. All of the things that usually keep expectant mothers busy I have had done for 18 months. I guess I will start deep cleaning and such around 32 weeks.
My photography is expanding by the day! I am so excited about this!! I purchased Adobe Lightroom for my new editing software, and LOVE it!!! It is so easy to use, BUT.....of course there has to be a but....my computer HATES it. My computer is going on 7 years old, and Lightroom takes up WAY too much RAM to run, and my computer craps out on me. Editing one photo took me almost and hour because of my computer freezing. I almost threw it out the window. So, my dear husband asked my mentor what computer to purchase. Yesterday I went in and put a deposit on a custom IBM. He had told Foster that if I was taking this seriously, and REALLY wanted to make this my profession, to avoid buying a PC and stick to a professional, business computer. Luckily, his brother works for a computer company, and we got a GREAT deal on this computer! I even had an additional 4 G of RAM installed to insure that no program will ever overload my computer again. I am ecstatic!!! I get to pick it up later this week.
Speaking of my photography, a good friend of mine is having an online auction. I donated a photo session to her cause. If you live near me, feel free to bid on it. It is a 1.5 hour session with a CD with the edited images on them. An approximate value of $300, and a great excuse to spend time with yours truly and donate to a good cause:-) This is the link to take you to my listing:
BID NOW!!!!
but make sure to check out all the other great items up for auction!
AND, if you haven't already, make sure to check out my photography facebook page and "Like" it;-)
Irish Eyes Photography
Foster is so busy with his new position at his unit, that he has been gone more than he has been home. He will be gone a total of 20+ days in August, and probably about the same in September. This just makes my time seem to drag by even slower, and makes me go crazier, because he has a nack for bringing me back to reality and calming me down.
To counter his absence, I have planned a little get a way myself. I will be visiting my aunt in PA. She is an actress, and performing in "Pride and Prejudice" at the Shakespearean festival in Center Valley, PA. Foster isn't thrilled about me traveling by myself for so many hours, but I HAVE to get out! I am going stir crazy!!
I am at this weird point in the pregnancy. Coming up on 24 weeks tomorrow, I WOULD have been starting to pick out furniture, and started nursery plans, but that is all done from Rosie. All of the things that usually keep expectant mothers busy I have had done for 18 months. I guess I will start deep cleaning and such around 32 weeks.
My photography is expanding by the day! I am so excited about this!! I purchased Adobe Lightroom for my new editing software, and LOVE it!!! It is so easy to use, BUT.....of course there has to be a but....my computer HATES it. My computer is going on 7 years old, and Lightroom takes up WAY too much RAM to run, and my computer craps out on me. Editing one photo took me almost and hour because of my computer freezing. I almost threw it out the window. So, my dear husband asked my mentor what computer to purchase. Yesterday I went in and put a deposit on a custom IBM. He had told Foster that if I was taking this seriously, and REALLY wanted to make this my profession, to avoid buying a PC and stick to a professional, business computer. Luckily, his brother works for a computer company, and we got a GREAT deal on this computer! I even had an additional 4 G of RAM installed to insure that no program will ever overload my computer again. I am ecstatic!!! I get to pick it up later this week.
Speaking of my photography, a good friend of mine is having an online auction. I donated a photo session to her cause. If you live near me, feel free to bid on it. It is a 1.5 hour session with a CD with the edited images on them. An approximate value of $300, and a great excuse to spend time with yours truly and donate to a good cause:-) This is the link to take you to my listing:
BID NOW!!!!
but make sure to check out all the other great items up for auction!
AND, if you haven't already, make sure to check out my photography facebook page and "Like" it;-)
Irish Eyes Photography
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I Am Not The Only One and 23 Weeks
So one of the girls from work that is pregnant has been gone for a few days. I guess she was having some issues and need to see the high risk doctor. Well, she saw Dr. C. today, her exact words were, "I am definitely not that impressed."
I KNEW IT!!!! Regardless of his reputation, the man has some BAD flaws that even a girl who has only and will only see him once picked up on.
1) he talks WAY too fast, and makes you feel incredibly rushed as a patient.
2) he calls you "miss" from the minute you walk in the door. I HAVE A NAME!!! And if you don't want to use it, I am a MRS!! It takes two seconds to look at my chart before you walk in the door. I told my friend that I can understand when he only sees the woman once her entire pregnancy for one problem, but for God's sake, he has seen me at LEAST 8 times already and STILL calls me miss EVERY TIME!!
3) is VERY early induction/early c-section happy. In my case, I am all for the 34-35 week c-section. I am happy to get Ava into the world and out of my "hostile uterus", BUT for my friend, he suggested it and then wanted a decision that second. She was like, "Ummm, can we at least take a little time to think about it?!?!" It was not what you would call an "emergent" situation, and one that she could be monitored instead, so WHY try to talk her into a 4 week early induction?
Ok, enough of the rant. We all know I WILL be talking to him at my next appointment, so I will just make sure he calls me by name (for the first time ever!!) and slows down a bit.
Ok, onto the fun part. The survey.
Size of baby: Once again, according to baby center, it says Ava is 11 inches long and over a pound by now. I have a HUGE feeling she is bigger, just wait till you see the belly picture!
Maternity clothes: I have a few maxi dresses that are not technically maternity, but everything else is!
Sleep: As long as I sleep with the pillow between my legs to relieve my sciatic pain, I am fine, and can sleep pretty sound other than the couple trips to the bathroom.
Best moment of the week: Taking my halter monitor off!!! Free at last!!!!
Movement: She is a mover and a shaker! I am figuring out her pattern, and it is NOT looking good for Foster and I. Her most active time is between midnight and 4 am.
**going back to my issue at the beginning of this post....when I told Dr. C about this increase in activity between 12 and 4 am, his response, "That makes sense, because your blood sugar is low from not eating."
REALLY?!?!!? He made himself sound like an idiot!! I work night shift dumba** i eat @ around 11:30 om every night I work!!! HAHAHAHA....starting to make me wonder if he really is one of the "top in the nation".....and REALLY wondering who decided who deserves that title!!
Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain in R butt cheek that is LITERALLY a pain in the butt! I also have been having slight swelling in my feet after 12 hours of work. But don't worry, I have been checking my Blood Pressure regularly and testing my urine for protein. They have BOTH been great!!
Food cravings/aversions: PBand J sandwiches and milk have been my morning breakfast routine! I have been eating them like they are going out of style. I ate two for dinner tonight!! I am telling you...I cannot get enough PBandJ!!!
Gender: Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in
Stretch marks: TONS of old ones from Rosalynn, and a few new ones popping up on my boobs and hips and on the top side of my belly button!!! BOO!
What I miss: My wedding set! It was official, the heat caused my fingers to swell so bad that I took my rings off for the rest of the pregnancy in order to avoid cutting off the circulation if it happens again and doesn't reverse itself. I am wearing the bad that Foster bought me for this occasion.
What I am looking forward to: 24 weeks! I will be in the "viability" time frame, and we are doing the glucose testing and my first of many growth scans! My mom is coming with me.
Weekly wisdom: Once again, words of wisdom to my doc (I might have to rename this section "Weekly Wisdom for Dr. C). Call your patients by name, and PLEASE don't make yourself sound like you are talking out of your BUTT!! It definitely does NOT instill confidence into your patients!
Dream of the week: I had a naked dream! I HATE those. I was working and I was the ONLY one in the ER with one doctor (and of course it was the hot doctor) and I was NAKED!
Picture:
I KNEW IT!!!! Regardless of his reputation, the man has some BAD flaws that even a girl who has only and will only see him once picked up on.
1) he talks WAY too fast, and makes you feel incredibly rushed as a patient.
2) he calls you "miss" from the minute you walk in the door. I HAVE A NAME!!! And if you don't want to use it, I am a MRS!! It takes two seconds to look at my chart before you walk in the door. I told my friend that I can understand when he only sees the woman once her entire pregnancy for one problem, but for God's sake, he has seen me at LEAST 8 times already and STILL calls me miss EVERY TIME!!
3) is VERY early induction/early c-section happy. In my case, I am all for the 34-35 week c-section. I am happy to get Ava into the world and out of my "hostile uterus", BUT for my friend, he suggested it and then wanted a decision that second. She was like, "Ummm, can we at least take a little time to think about it?!?!" It was not what you would call an "emergent" situation, and one that she could be monitored instead, so WHY try to talk her into a 4 week early induction?
Ok, enough of the rant. We all know I WILL be talking to him at my next appointment, so I will just make sure he calls me by name (for the first time ever!!) and slows down a bit.
Ok, onto the fun part. The survey.
Size of baby: Once again, according to baby center, it says Ava is 11 inches long and over a pound by now. I have a HUGE feeling she is bigger, just wait till you see the belly picture!
Maternity clothes: I have a few maxi dresses that are not technically maternity, but everything else is!
Sleep: As long as I sleep with the pillow between my legs to relieve my sciatic pain, I am fine, and can sleep pretty sound other than the couple trips to the bathroom.
Best moment of the week: Taking my halter monitor off!!! Free at last!!!!
Movement: She is a mover and a shaker! I am figuring out her pattern, and it is NOT looking good for Foster and I. Her most active time is between midnight and 4 am.
**going back to my issue at the beginning of this post....when I told Dr. C about this increase in activity between 12 and 4 am, his response, "That makes sense, because your blood sugar is low from not eating."
REALLY?!?!!? He made himself sound like an idiot!! I work night shift dumba** i eat @ around 11:30 om every night I work!!! HAHAHAHA....starting to make me wonder if he really is one of the "top in the nation".....and REALLY wondering who decided who deserves that title!!
Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain in R butt cheek that is LITERALLY a pain in the butt! I also have been having slight swelling in my feet after 12 hours of work. But don't worry, I have been checking my Blood Pressure regularly and testing my urine for protein. They have BOTH been great!!
Food cravings/aversions: PBand J sandwiches and milk have been my morning breakfast routine! I have been eating them like they are going out of style. I ate two for dinner tonight!! I am telling you...I cannot get enough PBandJ!!!
Gender: Beautiful HEALTHY baby GIRL!!!! Miss Avaleen Rose (Ava)
Belly button in or out: Still in
Stretch marks: TONS of old ones from Rosalynn, and a few new ones popping up on my boobs and hips and on the top side of my belly button!!! BOO!
What I miss: My wedding set! It was official, the heat caused my fingers to swell so bad that I took my rings off for the rest of the pregnancy in order to avoid cutting off the circulation if it happens again and doesn't reverse itself. I am wearing the bad that Foster bought me for this occasion.
What I am looking forward to: 24 weeks! I will be in the "viability" time frame, and we are doing the glucose testing and my first of many growth scans! My mom is coming with me.
Weekly wisdom: Once again, words of wisdom to my doc (I might have to rename this section "Weekly Wisdom for Dr. C). Call your patients by name, and PLEASE don't make yourself sound like you are talking out of your BUTT!! It definitely does NOT instill confidence into your patients!
Dream of the week: I had a naked dream! I HATE those. I was working and I was the ONLY one in the ER with one doctor (and of course it was the hot doctor) and I was NAKED!
Picture:
 |
| Look at this thing!!! I look 40 weeks pregnant, not 23! Grow Ava Grow! |
Monday, July 18, 2011
Free At Last!! And A BIG Step!
My cardiac monitor has officially come off!! I am soooo happy!!!
At first it was a pain in the butt. I had to make sure to wear the right outfits that would accommodate the small box that was recording my heart. When sleeping, I can't tell you how many times I would rip the pads off my chest while I rolled over and forgot to take the monitor with me.
However, after a couple weeks, it became second nature. I would walk into a store and the clerk's eyes would get really wide, "What is wrong?!?!" he/she would ask. It would take me a second to realize they were referring to the pads and wires coming off of my chest. I had become completely accustom to toting the monitor around with me, that I had forgotten how strange it looked to other people.
Along with that, Foster and I took a HUGE step. We started getting ready for our little girl. Baby steps, since we are only 23 weeks on Thursday. We bought a electric swing that has been suggested by MANY moms. We were given a battery operated swing by a friend for Rosie, and we plan on keeping that one upstairs, but I was told by many moms to invest in an electric swing, or else we will go through TONS of batteries in short amounts of time. We went out garage sale shopping on Saturday, and decided to stop by Once Upon A Child and see if they had an electric swing for sale. Sure enough, they had one, and on faith and a prayer, we bought it.
Foster also must have read my mind. As I was working on some photo editing yesterday (Check out my photography facebook page if you want to see my most recent photo shoots....including an AMAZING maternity shoot...all I will say is Waterfalls!!!) Foster started preparing the baby's room. I have let it collect dust, and we had a few unfinished projects from when we lost Rosalynn. When we had our new carpet installed, the closet doors would no longer fit, because the carpet was too plush. Foster sawed off an inch off the bottom of them so Ava has closet doors. He also took the excess equipment down to the basement for storage, like the bed rails that go with the crib to turn it into a toddler and full size bed. I think he knows I have been procrastinating, for obvious reasons, so is helping me take the steps to get ready for this little girl. It is scary. It brings back old memories of doing all that work and then not getting to bring home my baby girl. All I can do is continue to pray that this turns out differently.
When the nursery is completely finished, I will post pictures. We are keeping it the same as we had it with Rosie, neutral (remember, we didn't know the sex), but adding just a few pink things in the room too...just to make it a LITTLE girlie.
I hope everyone's weekend was a great one!
At first it was a pain in the butt. I had to make sure to wear the right outfits that would accommodate the small box that was recording my heart. When sleeping, I can't tell you how many times I would rip the pads off my chest while I rolled over and forgot to take the monitor with me.
However, after a couple weeks, it became second nature. I would walk into a store and the clerk's eyes would get really wide, "What is wrong?!?!" he/she would ask. It would take me a second to realize they were referring to the pads and wires coming off of my chest. I had become completely accustom to toting the monitor around with me, that I had forgotten how strange it looked to other people.
Along with that, Foster and I took a HUGE step. We started getting ready for our little girl. Baby steps, since we are only 23 weeks on Thursday. We bought a electric swing that has been suggested by MANY moms. We were given a battery operated swing by a friend for Rosie, and we plan on keeping that one upstairs, but I was told by many moms to invest in an electric swing, or else we will go through TONS of batteries in short amounts of time. We went out garage sale shopping on Saturday, and decided to stop by Once Upon A Child and see if they had an electric swing for sale. Sure enough, they had one, and on faith and a prayer, we bought it.
Foster also must have read my mind. As I was working on some photo editing yesterday (Check out my photography facebook page if you want to see my most recent photo shoots....including an AMAZING maternity shoot...all I will say is Waterfalls!!!) Foster started preparing the baby's room. I have let it collect dust, and we had a few unfinished projects from when we lost Rosalynn. When we had our new carpet installed, the closet doors would no longer fit, because the carpet was too plush. Foster sawed off an inch off the bottom of them so Ava has closet doors. He also took the excess equipment down to the basement for storage, like the bed rails that go with the crib to turn it into a toddler and full size bed. I think he knows I have been procrastinating, for obvious reasons, so is helping me take the steps to get ready for this little girl. It is scary. It brings back old memories of doing all that work and then not getting to bring home my baby girl. All I can do is continue to pray that this turns out differently.
When the nursery is completely finished, I will post pictures. We are keeping it the same as we had it with Rosie, neutral (remember, we didn't know the sex), but adding just a few pink things in the room too...just to make it a LITTLE girlie.
I hope everyone's weekend was a great one!
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